Don't Retract Pack

Still Not Silent

Love of a Mother painting by Leisa Collins, New Zealand


An email we received this morning (intact as it was sent):

"YOUNEED TO STOP THE DISCUSIONS ABOUT CIRCUMSICION AND UNCIRCUMSICION. As a doctor and mother you should know not to judge. You have allot of fans and I'm sure half of them have there boys circumcised it is an insult when we read the post with mothers that are so rude about decisions we made to our children. It is not peaceful parenting there is no peace in any of those posts. I Just un liked your page because the discusions are disgusting.."


And our response:

Male and female genital mutilation are certainly disgusting, you are correct. There are so many parents who were victims of a myth-filled society right along side their daughters and sons. It is heart breaking to hear their stories - parents who deeply love their children and have always wanted what was best for them, but were not fully informed when making this decision. Read many of their stories and comments from others in, I Circumcised My Son: Healing From Regret, or 'meet' countless amazing parents with both circumcised and intact sons over at Keeping Future Sons Intact.

No parent should have to go into this alone, and without being fully equipped with accurate information to make a health conscious decision for their little one. This is just one reason we will not be silent on the horrific lies told about MGM/FGM. Thankfully, when we know better, we do better, and we can each make differences for our future children and grandchildren. All human beings are born into this world with the basic human right of bodily integrity - to remain intact as they enter the world and not be cut apart without medical need for the money-making of a few and the fear mongering of an ill society.

As per the discussions, we unfortunately do not have the time capacity to read through and moderate comments left by 12,000 people on Facebook (moderators of the page are all professionals with families of their own). But there are many who skip the FB discussions altogether and solely stick to reading the material that fits their needs them on DrMomma.org.

Best wishes to you and your kids in the future,



~~~~


He who passively accepts evil
is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetuate it.
He who accepts evil without protesting against it
is really cooperating with it.
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

31 comments:

  1. There is nothing peaceful about circumcision.

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  2. Keep up the good work!

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  3. If it wasn't for people like you my sweet little boy would have gone through the torture that is circumcision.

    We got so lucky that we decided to put our son on my husband's insurance, because of this our OB would not circumcise- thank goodness! This gave me the time to find your blog and some other websites which helped me make a truly informed decision!

    Keep up the blog, the FB page, and all of your activism! You helped me keep my munchkin intact and helped make me an activist for keeping children intact. My darling boy THANKS YOU!

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  4. We can't stop talking about this until it stops happening!

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  5. Very good response. The choice to parent peacefully and with respect and dignity for your children is not a pick and choose affair. Circumcision is not compatible with peaceful parenting, and thank you for making that abundantly clear.

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  6. As a UK parent, that this is even an issue alarms me...this is not a matter of course here, thank goodness

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  7. Well-written response!

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  8. A great response. I like your page very much and my sons are circ'd. I didn't have the info I have now! I do not take offense to your anti-circ stance! I value it! I do not want other boys (and girls) to go through what my boys did. I had no clue and I am determined to make sure other parents get the info I did not have.

    The parent/Dr who wrote that must be filled with guilt and not know how to deal with it. Or they are in denial.

    As a parent who allowed my sons to be circ'd I do sometimes feel like people are too judgmental and I get defensive, but for the most part people are sympathetic toward me.

    I am anti-circumcision and I tell everyone I can my story. If I can help save one baby then that is success

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  9. I think this mom was just angry because she had her son circ'd.

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  10. I breaks my heart someone would go out of their way to e-mail just to tell you to stop posting articles about circumcision.

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  11. That's why I wrote that blog post!


    GAAAAAAAAAH

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  12. it is sad, we live in a culture so far removed from peace and nature that we are pushed to make people feel good about the choices they make that directly work against nature and peace. I am done trying to make people feel good about their decisions (which lack no scientific basis) when they make decisions vastly different from mine. This doesn't mean i can't respect them as individuals, i just can't support them. that is different than respect. love your site, keep it up! denise

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  13. I'm German and thus circumcision out of none religious reasons has been unknown to me.I was very surprised indeed to learn about it when I got to know my husband who is American. (he's circumcised) Later we were asked if we wanted it for our son and we both decided against it. :)
    If a boy's foreskin would not have any purpose, nature would have done away with it a long time ago.

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  14. This kid I went to school with was circumcised twice because his mom didn't like the results because not enough skin was removed, so it was redone when he was five. Every since then he had problems with the skin being too tight.

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  15. Parents make many decisions. Hopefully, more of those decisions are right than wrong. Making a wrong decision does not make a person a bad parent. Any parent that makes a bad decision needs to accept responsibilty for that decision and move on, hopefully learning from the experience.

    Many parents, though, feel personally threatened when others point out that a decision they made and supported was wrong. Rather than learn from others and consider the merits of the decision, these parents go into denial or are overcome with guilt and accuse others of judging them. I think possibly these parents are conflicted by knowing that they harmed their son by circumcision and cannot admit that they should not have made that decision. So, they lash out and accuse others of judging them.

    Circumcising an infant for any reason is a bad decision. My hope is that, soon, all parents know this.

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  16. One thing that I have observed amongst various parenting choices (AP, Holistic Moms,Cosleeping, Bfing this site, etc.) is that there are, sometimes, criticism for other's choices. I strongly believe that if we truly wish to make a difference, we need to lead by example. By BFing, not circing but ALSO by being peaceful on a "peaceful parenting" site.

    I have studied NVC Nonviolent Communication (http://www.cnvc.org, showcasing such books as "Repectful Parents/Respectful Kids")So, if we wish to lead by example, it must also be through the way we communicate with these challenging posts. For example-I agree with those that attempted to see this woman's needs "feeling regret for circ'ing"

    Just food for thought, to further spread the word of all these different choices!

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  17. Andrea, you are a great mom! So many people feel guilty and then staunchly defend their decisions rather than admit to themselves they would have made a different choice given different information.

    I am lucky because my ex is intact so before I had my kids I already realized that circ wasn't necessary. Then when I was pregnant, my dad asked me about it and told me that no one on my family is cut and he was very against it. Up until then, I never even knew.

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  18. In their exact words...decisions we made to our children. This is the point. it was not your penis, therefor it is not your decision.

    I will never be quite about this issue. I will never stop. Not until boys are afforded the same rights to genital integrity as girls are.

    I hope it offends you. If you are offended then that is a negative feeling which means you are feeling some amount of fear and or guilt. Which may make you open your mind to the truth. The truth is that strapping a newborn down and tearing his foreskin away from his glans then cutting it off is torture. It is mutilation. And imo it is sexual abuse. It needs to stop.

    As parents we were given our babies to love cherish and protect. You any mother can see what has happened and be ok with it is insane.

    We need to wipe away the thought that this is ok. We need to embrace the mommas who made this mistake without knowing, and show them the truth and give them the ability to stand up and fight.

    When you know better you do better.

    ftr I am the momma to 3 amazing beautiful intact little boys.

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  19. What a beautiful painting, full of so much emotion. I am so getting a copy.

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  20. Go Ruby! Well said!

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  21. As Carol said, it's not a UK thing... I'm American, but the hubs is British... and intact. As are all of our three boys (although, for the record, I was against circ before I even met my husband!)

    Thank you for continuing to put the word out. As a nurse I am alarmed at the number of nonmedically necessary circs out there (medically necessary being for things like hypospadias repair, which is not a routine circ... it is a procedure done well after birth which utilizes the foreskin to repair the urethral deviation.)

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  22. no one should be silent when an injustice is done. Keep going loud and proud!

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  23. If it weren't for websites like Peaceful Parenting, my second son would've been circ'd just as my first son was. We didn't know, and while I of course have regrets about it, I am thankful that we were able to learn enough about the issue to make an informed decision the second time around. Thank you, Danielle, for your passion.

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  24. Lisa - you may be interested in this article on hypospadias -- circumcision is actually not necessary in hypo cases. The top hypospadias urologist in the world does 'foreskin saving' reconstruction. This is yet another myth...

    http://www.drmomma.org/2010/04/hypospadias-surgery-and-circumcision.html

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  25. I see the sender of this email was plagued with a bit of cognitive dissonance, or at least that is my take on things. Feelings of uncertainty and discomfort almost always precede enlightenment. The fact that she felt compelled to send such an email shows that she has taken the first step toward understanding.

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  26. I can't believe someone would say that! I was raised Jewish and circ'd my son, not knowing better at the time. I am horrified by it now. When they brought him back he was in so much pain and so mutilated (it was done in hospital). He has pretty bad meatal stenosis now and has already had one meatotomy. Of course I feel guilty. But when we know better, we do better, and there is no way I would tell someone to stop talking about it. Talk about it more so the word spreads!

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  27. Perfect response! My first son is not intact and I regret it horribly. If only I had had the internet when he was born and had access to the kinds of info you share... Keep up the great work :)

    And I do not take offense to any of it. I did not know before what I know now...

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  28. Does anyone else find it interesting that this Mom refers to leaving a boy intact as 'uncircumcision'? As if something was done that needs to be undone, when in fact, nothing was done at all?! I also find the comment about it being a decision that was done 'to our children' rather than 'for our children', interesting. Perhaps, it is a simple matter of translation but I think the truth is within them.

    I think most of us have uttered the statement 'If I knew then what I know now...' with regards to our children. We feel guilty about decisions we've made based on imperfect knowledge. Guilt can only be a good thing if we can acknowledge it and use it as a catalyst for personal growth. My sincere hope for this woman is that she and her child(ren) can heal and grow from their experience. May we all be mindful that our words not accuse but open the minds and hearts of those who hear them.

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  29. I can understand that person's email, they must have circumsized their son and have guilt about it. My baby was circumsized, and yes when I read things about no circ I feel bad, but when he was born, I didn't know any different. I was as your posts say ignorant.

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  30. I had my lil one circumsied the day he came home from the hospital and that night he cried so hard that it ruptured and we had to go back to the hospital and have him checked out. If I had truly research this before we made the decision I would not have had it done.

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  31. I recently was speaking with a few friends of mine, both have intact sons, so I figured it would be easy to talk to them about it and how far it can go(that most wont think of) so I started mentioning how it has even effected the way the medical establishment treats boys who now have foreskins, and how they recommended(wrongly) that intact boys be forcefully retracted to clean under the foreskin, and they started getting very defensive, saying there doctors told them to do it at 2 mths old, and then she went on to say that she had to keep doing it cause it kept getting stuck back on, and how much pain her son was in, as she was defending herself and her doctors opinions all of a sudden she stopped(I think she realized what she had done) I felt so bad for her, I could not say another word about it to her:( I think she was at first getting defensive cause she figured her doc knew better, then it was her realization of what she had done(when you find out you should never have touched your sons sexual organ like that it really hurts, hits to the core) I cant even bring up the subject with her now, out of fear of hurting her more:(

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