We post questions from readers daily on the peaceful parenting Facebook page, so that others can chime in, and we are able to foster an extended network of mothers and fathers 'doing life' together. Occasionally, a question comes up that may be good to use as a reference for others seeking info on the same. In those instances, we try to post Q&As on DrMomma.org so they can easily be found again.
Today's question comes from a parent wondering about a particular book that was recommended to her, and how it fits or does not fit with an over all gentle parenting approach. Responses will be found in the comments section below.
"A parenting book was recommended to me (before I was even pregnant), and I'm wondering if I should order it, or if it's going to be full of strict disciplinarian practices.
The family that recommended it has four very well-behaved children, and they all seemed very loving towards each other. I've since moved and lost contact with this family, and I'm wondering if this book is essentially "Babywise for Kids" or if it's something I would actually find useful. The family is very religious and I know this author has written other "Christian-based" parenting books (although this one supposedly isn't), and that makes me think it might be another Ezzo.
The author is John Rosemond and the book is called, The Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children." Are you at all familiar with this book or author? I appreciate any insight or knowledge you may have."
The author ignores basic logic of being a follower of Christ:ReplyDelete
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." ~ Galatians 5:22-23.
"Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me."
~ Matthew 25:40
"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
~ Ephesians 6:4
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart." ~ Colossians 3:21
How can you expect your child to learn these things if you do not practice them yourself? Positive, respectful, consistent discipline is the real key to raising well-behaved children. Fear, neglect and purposely-inflicted pain have no place in gentle, loving, Biblical discipline, and children should be disciplined from birth with an appropriate mixture of kindness and firmness in a manner that respects their feelings and their developmental, emotional, and daily needs.
Mr. Rosemond values power above all else. That is why The Authoritate Guide to Self-Help Resources in Mental Health recommends AGAINST Rosemond's books. Rosemond empowers parents at the expense of children. The best parenting empowers both parents and children.ReplyDelete
In Rankin's overview of parenting experts, she observed that Rosemond "gives specific advice that so often turns out to be wrong. . . . On key issues he has changed positions radically in directions away from research findings" (p. 242).
I agree. Rosemond may increase your feeling of being in charge--but your children will pay dearly if you follow his advice. Why not buy a parenting book from one of the most respected and sensible scholars in the field: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman.
This book ignores all the known facts about children, and relies on old myths, phony "anecdotes" and the author's strange ideas. Spending more time alone with your spouse than time playing and talking with your child is not any guarantee for healthy children, quite the opposite. Neglecting children harms them. Shutting kids out when they are hurting and needing parental love only makes problems worse. The author knows this well, since his own father left the family and the author was raised by a demanding, cold-hearted single mother. The author admits he was a juvenile delinquent, yet he insists children be raised as he was: with little attention, and no friendship or playing with parents.ReplyDelete
This book may appeal to parents who don't like their children and want to kid themselves about how children don't really need love and attention. But if you're a normal, caring parent skip this book. And have some fun playing with your child instead.
I'm astounded at how ridiculous some of these suggestions are on how to parent. I would like to quote a particular rule Mr. Rosemond lists:ReplyDelete
"Don't overdose your children emotionally by giving them too much attention or too much praise. If you pay too much attention to your children, they have no reason to pay attention to you."
I will be frank, I have not read the book mentioned above. If you are looking for a well balanced parenting book with Christian ethics, "Grace based Parenting" by Dr. Kimmel may be more suited to your likes. I do not agree with everything in this book (I rarely do ANY parenting book I read) but it's pretty well rounded in my humble opinion. Best of luck in your quest!ReplyDelete
I have not read this book, but I did read "Parenting by the Book" by him. I did not like it very much, so I imagine this one is no better. He sets up a straw man of "permissive parenting" and knocks it down over and over with his "Good old-fashioned common sense (what Grandma would have done)" style of parenting. The problem is, he throws all sorts of parenting tactics into the "permissive" category that do not belong there. For example, letting kids (even infants) sleep in your bed ruins your marriage and makes them the center of the family instead.ReplyDelete
I would avoid any other books by him, and as Debbie said above, "Grace-based parenting" is much better if you are looking for a Christian parenting book. Also Dr. Sears' "The Complete Book of Christian Parenting and Child Care"