peaceful parenting

Using Formula Like 'Similac for Supplementation' Decreases Milk Supply

On this Day 6 of World Breastfeeding Week a confounding ad was sent to our inbox. It was highlighting the pseudo 'benefits' of a new Abbott product - Similac for Supplementation - that is marketed specifically to women who state that they are planning to breastfeed, or are breastfeeding, their babies.

Several peaceful parenting mothers have told us that when they fill out paperwork with their (U.S.) hospital to say they plan to breastfeed, they are given a "Breastfeeding Bag" from Similac instead of the ubiquitous formula bag. In this bag are samples of such things like Similac for Supplementation, along with other 'in case it doesn't work out...' items and literature.

If ever there was a time to equip mothers with simple, usable, applicable facts about human lactation and their ability to produce more than enough milk for their babies, as well as how to tip the scales in favor of breastfeeding success, it would be in these early prenatal and postnatal days. The first 40 days are monumentally important for building a healthy milk supply and getting off to a good start, and anything that derails a mother in these first vital weeks can have a lasting and negative impact on her breastfeeding relationship.

What floored us most about this particular ad is that an Abbott sponsored survey is being used as 'evidence' that supplementing with their new product will increase breastfeeding duration. Note that these surveys are typically given to an audience already connected with the company - often those using formula to begin with - or those who are still in their early breastfeeding days. Survey questions are also worded in such a way that supplementation is presented in a positive light, "Select how strongly you agree with the following statements..." "Using some formula allowed me to continue to give my baby breastmilk." Agree? Slightly Agree? Strongly Agree? Neutral? Your checked box on this survey to obtain your next free sample will go into the database to be used as support for the next product line.

This is not just poorly based in science, but is an overt misleading of new mothers. Advertising that is downright deceitful.

To maintain a full supply of human milk (and not much is needed in the early weeks of babyhood) a mother must drain her breasts often to create a demand. As simple and non-complex as it sounds, that is the very basic, fundamental rule of milk production: increased demand = increased supply. When you decrease the demand by supplementing (not as much milk is needed to feed baby when s/he is being filled with something else or when longer intervals pass between feeds) then supply follows suit and decreases as well. A supplementing mom quickly finds that her milk supply dwindles further, and she becomes frustrated and/or sad that breastfeeding "just isn't working out" for her and her baby.

One component of milk production in mammals is termed the Feedback Inhibitor of Lactation (FIL). In Breastfeeding Management for the Clinician: Using the Evidence, Marsha Walker explains, "FIL is an active whey protein that inhibits milk secretion as alveoli become distended and milk is not removed. Its concentration increases with longer periods of milk accumulation, down regulating milk production in a chemical feedback loop." In this fashion, when products like Similac for Supplementation are used, despite their faulty marketing to mothers who desire to continue to nurse their babies, there is a negative impact on milk production and a greater likelihood of maternal anxiety over supply, followed by increased risk of early termination of breastfeeding altogether.

This same Similac for Supplementation ad (above) tells new mothers that their product has "more prebiotics than any other Similac formula" and that these prebiotics will have a better digestive effect (softer stools) than babies fed other formulas. The product is a far, far cry from human milk in every component of human nutrition and development - including immunology and neurology. Less constipation due to artificial feeding as the result of chemically processed prebiotics may have its benefits for those who cannot access human milk (this has yet to be determined) - but marketing a detrimental product to the mothers of babies already receiving the food made perfectly for their health and wellbeing is destructive and irresponsible.

Reference:

1) Walker M: Influence of the maternal anatomy and physiology on lactation. In Breastfeeding Management for the Clinician: Using the Evidence. Sudbury, Massachusetts: Jones and Bartlett Publishers; 2006:51-82.

Contact Similac directly: https://similac.com/contact-us

Related Reading:

Breastfeeding Made Simple (book)

Nursing Mother, Working Mother (book)

Making More Milk (book)

The Politics of Breastfeeding: When Breasts are Bad for Business (book)

Formula For Disaster (film)

The Baby Bond (book)

Breastfeeding Advocacy and Formula Feeding Guilt (article)

Lactation Cookies: Increasing Milk Supply (article)

Additional good breastfeeding books

Breastfeeding Resource Page

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My Son and His Beautiful Shoes

My son loves pink. Some days more so than any one of his other favorite colors. At almost-5-years-old his passion for 'beautiful things' has yet to diminish, and I love this about him. So I should have been better prepared for this day to eventually arrive... the day when another almost-5-year-old boy announced boldly to my son that what he likes, or what he wears, or what he finds 'beautiful' is NOT for boys, but for girls.

Sigh.

And it happened today. He wore his 'beautiful shoes' (the shoes that he picked out himself while we were traveling - those he says are his most favorite shoes ever, in the whole wide world - with pink and yellow and blue stars and stripes and splashes) to VBS for the second time. The first time he came home to tell me that his teacher told him she L-O-V-E-D his shoes. He was so happy. And proud. After all, he had scoured the whole store to find this one and only pair that fit his big, strong, wide Size 12 feet perfectly. And they weren't 'boring' like all the black and grey and dark blue shoes he was usually presented with.

Tonight, however, he came home to tell me that another boy had announced while behind him in line for the drinking fountain, "Your shoes are GIRL shoes!"

"How did you respond to him?" I asked, somewhat afraid of the answer, and at the same time trying to formulate my own thoughts and reactions into the most empowering mom-response for my 4 year old son... I didn't want to mess this up. And I was surprised by how unsure I was of the very best things to say when I - of all people - should know what to say. I had completed a graduate degree in Women's & Gender Studies and had always been positively certain I'd never have a child who was boxed or limited by others' cultural stereotypes and ignorant biases. Now here we stand, my son and I together with his beautiful shoes...

"I was drinking water when he said it," my son responded. "So I didn't say anything."

"You ignored him?" I asked. "Yes," he said, and continued, "Mom, can boys wear girl shoes?"

[Oh, stab through the gender conscious heart. From just one line, from just one little person, he received the message loud and clear that his shoes were made only for girls - and not made for him. Maybe, as a boy, he wasn't deserving of such beautiful shoes...]

"Honey, all shoes are made for all people - they are just shoes. Beautiful shoes are made for everyone. There is no such thing as 'girl shoes' and 'boy shoes' -- just shoes that we each get to look over and pick from -- the ones we love the most, the ones that feel good on our feet, and the ones we find fun to wear. Men and women, boys and girls, we can all wear any shoes we wish to wear."

"Do you sometimes wear Daddy's flip flops?" he asked. "Of course - they are fun and cushy on my feet," I smiled, knowing, however, that this is limited to quick runs outside due to our foot size difference...

"Would Daddy wear your shoes?" my son continued. "Sure he would - if his feet weren't so giant!" And we both laughed. Then I remembered an old photo I have of his father sporting my ultra-fabulous-flower-flip-flops. "Look at these beauties on Daddy's feet!" I smiled.

"Ohh... I want those shoes!" my son said.

Phew, maybe we were moving past the stereotypes.

"Yeah... I don't know why that boy said that," my son seemed to be reflecting again on what happened.

"I don't know either," I said. "Maybe that boy was just a little jealous of your shoes because they are so cool! Maybe no one ever gave him beautiful shoes to wear. If someone says something like that again, you can just say, 'That's silly. Beautiful shoes are for everybody.'"

My son smiled, "I know, Mom!"

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The day following this discussion I was a little curious to see if my son would grab his beautiful shoes to wear as quickly when we got ready to go out on an adventure at the aquarium. I thought he may opt instead for his blue or grey shoes... But that didn't happen. He brought me his pink socks (well worn as they are one of two favorite pairs in his sock drawer) and his beautiful shoes and we slipped them on without a second thought.

I pray I can raise a son who is both wise and compassionate, strong and gentle. One who grows into a man who is sure of himself to the core, and able to empower others around him with this same steadfast consciousness.

What about you? How do you handle gender stereotypes as they are pushed upon your little ones? I am always interested to hear how other well-informed parents maneuver through the muck of cultural expectations our children face at such young ages in society.

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Why I no longer believe babies should cry themselves to sleep

By Gabor Maté
Originally published at Globe and Mail

'Some of our friends see us as weak parents because we haven't Ferberized our children," says my niece Rachel Maté, a 33-year-old Vancouver lawyer and mother of two. " 'You're letting your baby control your lives,' they argue. But it would break my heart to let my baby cry without comforting her."

Named after Dr. Richard Ferber, the pediatric sleep expert quoted in a previous 2006 article on parents who share their beds with their children, Ferberization is the process of "training" an infant to sleep by ignoring her crying. As a family physician, I used to advocate the Ferber technique and, as a parent, practised it myself. Since then, I have come to believe that the method is harmful to infant development and to a child's long-term emotional health.

Ferberization seems simple: "After about one week, your infant will learn that crying earns nothing more than a brief check from you, and isn't worth the effort. She'll learn to fall asleep on her own, without your help," reads Dr. Ferber's advice. The question is, what else does a baby learn when treated this way and what is the impact of such learning?

People cannot consciously recall what they "learned" in the first year of life, because the brain structures that store narrative memory are not yet developed. But neuropsychological research has established that human beings have a far more powerful memory system imprinted in their nervous systems called intrinsic memory. Intrinsic memory encodes the emotional aspects of early experience, mostly in the prefrontal lobe of the brain. These emotional memories may last a lifetime. Without any recall of the events that originally encoded them, they serve as a template for how we perceive the world and how we react to later occurrences.

Is the world a friendly and nurturing place, or an indifferent or even hostile one? Can we trust other human beings to recognize, understand and honour our needs, or do we have to shut down emotionally to protect ourselves from feeling vulnerable? These are fundamental questions that we resolve largely with our implicit memory system rather than with our conscious minds. As psychologist and leading memory researcher Daniel Schacter has written, intrinsic memory is active "when people are influenced by past experience without any awareness that they are remembering."

The implicit message an infant receives from having her cries ignored is that the world -- as represented by her caregivers -- is indifferent to her feelings. That is not at all what loving parents intend.

Unfortunately, it's not parental intentions that a baby integrates into her world view, but how parents respond to her. This is why, if I could relive my life, I would do much of my parenting differently.

When the infant falls asleep after a period of wailing and frustrated cries for help, it is not that she has learned the "skill" of falling asleep. What has happened is that her brain, to escape the overwhelming pain of abandonment, shuts down. It's an automatic neurological mechanism. In effect, the baby gives up. The short-term goal of the exhausted parents has been achieved, but at the price of harming the child's long-term emotional vulnerability. Encoded in her cortex is an implicit sense of a non-caring universe.

The concepts behind Ferberization precede the publication of Dr. Ferber's 1985 bestseller Solve Your Child's Sleep Problem. Forty years earlier, Benjamin Spock proposed the very same approach in his seminal book Baby and Child Care. The cure for what Dr. Spock called "chronic resistance to sleep in infancy" is straightforward. The way to ensure that the infant doesn't "get away with such tyranny," he wrote, was to "say good night affectionately but firmly, walk out of the room, and don't go back."

Dr. Spock was a great pioneer of humane and loving child rearing and much of his advice refuted the harsh Victorian practices prevalent in his days. On this sleep issue, however, he ignored his own admonition that parents should trust their own instincts and gut feelings and not defer to the opinion of experts.

Monica Moster, an 80-year-old grandmother of seven, recalls what it felt like for her to follow such advice with her own children. "It was torture for me to do it," she says. "It went against all my motherly emotions."

Rachel Maté reports that even some of her friends who believe in Ferberization have a hard time of it. "I know women who have to stand in the shower with their hands over their ears so they can't hear their baby crying. It's traumatic not just to baby, but also to parent."

In our stressed society, time is at a premium. Beholden to our worldly schedules, we try to adapt our children to our needs, rather than serving theirs. More "primitive" aboriginal peoples in Africa and North and South America kept their infants with them at all times. They had not yet learned to suppress their parenting instincts.

The baby who cries for the parent is not engaging in "tyranny," she is expressing her deepest need -- emotional and physical contact with the parent. The deceptive convenience of Ferberization is one more way in which our society fails the needs of the developing child.

Vancouver physician, Gabor Maté, is the co-author of Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers.

Sleep Training Research: DrMomma.org/2009/12/sleep-training-review-of-research.html

Healthy Baby Sleep Resources: DrMomma.org/2009/06/truth-about-co-sleeping-how-stats.html

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To the (Happily) Circumcised American Man

Dear Sir:

If you are like me, you were circumcised at birth by a medical professional, in a hospital or a clinic of some kind. Your parents made the decision to have your foreskin amputated, and the doctor (or, perhaps, the nurse) performed the procedure without asking any questions, and without providing your parents with any information about what circumcision truly entailed. Of course, you don't remember any of this, because you were just a baby at the time. Your brain was too raw, and your memory-making faculties were not yet sharply defined. Nevertheless, the fact remains that you grew up not with the penis you were born with, but with a sculpted, man-made one -- the only unnatural thing on your otherwise un-altered body.

When you first learned of your own circumcision, you were somewhat confused, but came to accept it through the indifferent attitudes of those around you. You considered it an oddity, but believed that your parents would never have done something to you unless it was an indisputably good thing. You remained unsure of precisely what the foreskin was, because no one ever bothered to explain it you; indeed, most of the people you looked up to were unsure of it themselves. You resisted the urge to question the the procedure, and to ask why it was done to you, because you believed that whatever the reasons were, they must have been good ones. You never suspected that your native country, which you had been taught was in many ways an ideal society, would ever have allowed anyone to hurt you - especially when you were an innocent, defenseless newborn.

The unfortunate truth is that you were circumcised for the painfully simple reason that you were born in the United States of America, and that genital cutting has been a cultural norm here. There is no other 'reason,' just as there is no 'reason' why so many children around the world are unfairly condemned to death by starvation before they reach the age of ten. Go anywhere else in the so-called 'developed' world, and you will see that the vast majority of men are intact (never having been circumcised). Our country is unique in its promotion of this bizarre surgery. We don't see it as mutilation, for the same reason that the men and women of Sierra Leone don't feel that they are mutilated: we are used to it. It's hard to imagine, at first, that something so evil could have become acceptable to us through ubiquity alone, but one needs merely to take a retrospective glance at the horrors of the slave trade, or the atrocities of the Holocaust, to understand that ubiquity is sometimes all it takes to normalize the outlandish, to trivialize the inhumane.

As I stated above, the USA stands alone among 'developed' nations in its obsession with the compulsory amputation of the prepuces of its infant males. The benefits of the practice are hugely overblown, to the extent that many are simply invented out of thin air. The undeniable (yet heavily obscured) truth is that, whatever its supposed long-term benefits may be, circumcision constitutes a dramatic and irreversible alteration - nay, an inhibition - of a man's sexuality, achieved through the removal of a highly specialized, multi-purpose organ which has been carefully honed through millions of years of evolution to make sex as facile and as pleasurable as possible.

Allow me to take a guess at what you are thinking in this moment: "But the point of circumcision THESE days isn't to inhibit male sexuality! We do it for a number of valid reasons. We do it because it makes the penis cleaner. We do it because it lowers the risk of contracting and transmitting STIs when boys become sexually active. And we do it for aesthetic reasons - the circumcised penis is far more pleasing to the eye." I make the claim that all of this is pure and utter bunk from top to bottom, and none of these so-called 'reasons' is what really motivates the procedure. The true historical explanation for why this practice persists is far more pernicious than any of the backwards, vanilla justifications we have created for it.

The United States began its tradition of male circumcision with the explicit and unabashed intention of punishing the male organ, and suppressing our natural inclination to release sexual energy through masturbation. The practice persists because men and women who were wronged are more likely to trivialize what happened to them, and to inflict it on their own children. Whatever conscious justifications the modern parent may have for cutting their baby boy are a distraction from the true, historical purpose of it: to crush his sexuality, to obfuscate his manhood, to kill his spirit and virility forever. If this were not the true intent of the original proponents of circumcision, it never would have caught on, because it is the one thing that circumcision DOES achieve with an astoundingly high rate of success.

Another thought you might have: "But I was circumcised, and I don't feel I was sexually damaged." I'm sorry to be the one to inform you of this, but you were damaged, undeniably and irreversibly. You were damaged because healthy tissue was ripped and sliced away from your penis for no medical reason. You were damaged because your foreskin, which contains the majority of highly specialized, fine-touch nerve endings in your penis, was amputated, and as a result, you will never know what it would have felt like to have your whole body intact. You were damaged because you will never experience the ease of masturbation that comes with having a highly sensitive, motile tube of skin capable of massaging your entire sexual organ at once. You were damaged because you were taken from your mother's arms, strapped down on a table, and violated on the most intimate and sensitive part of your entire body, before you were able to speak, walk, or even see properly.

Luckily, the human body has an astounding way of compensating for all this damage, both mentally and physically. It is capable of clotting up the wound so you don't bleed to death. It is capable of relocating sexual pleasure so that you CAN still achieve orgasm. It is capable of growing new skin so that you don't hurt yourself during masturbation. And it is capable of suppressing painful memories that would haunt you forever if you were to remember them. But you can't regain what you lost, and that fact will never go away. It will remain true till the day you die, and you'll only ever get one life. This is your only chance to get a taste of what it means to be alive. Your reality is cruel and devastating: a whole human body is something you were simply not allowed to have in your short time on Earth, because you were born in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong sexual organs.

If you choose to face this reality, life is soon going to become nearly unbearable. As the days, weeks, and months go by, you will feel overwhelmed with painful emotions, including denial, anger, sadness, resentment, embarrassment, and disbelief. You may feel the need to confront your parents about what they did to you, and your parents may not want to hear it. Be prepared for all of this. Be prepared to spend some time mourning for what was taken from you, something beyond a piece of flesh; a piece of your humanity was stolen, and you can never get it back. This is as brutal as it gets. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't. Don't allow anybody to tell you that you were not violated. They are wrong, and you are right. If you believe in your pain, and allow yourself to experience it fully, you will find your way back to sanity. Keep sharing your feelings with everybody, including those who ridicule you. Don't be afraid of the backlash. It will get better.

If you choose to deny what I have written here, I beg you to reconsider if you ever are lucky enough to have a baby boy of your own. He will depend on you like no one else in the world ever will, and it is your duty to protect him from harm, even if his own government callously refuses to grant him that protection. You have a responsibility as a man, and as a human being, to question the society you live in, and to decide for yourself what is acceptable and what is reprehensible.

More Men Speak on Infant Genital Cutting

Infant Circumcision
Video by physician for educational purposes.

Georgetown University Lecture on Circumcision
Dr. Ryan McAllister

The Whole Story on Circumcision
Dr. Christopher Guest

Circumcision Research
Doctoral student and scientist, Ben Selfridge

* Real Photos Below *

May not be suitable for the workplace.

Top Right: Circumcised by Plastibell
Bottom Right: Circumcised by Gomco

No national health organization in the world recommends routine infant circumcision.
A sampling of what is highlighted in circumcision policy statements:

Informational materials may be obtained at Etsy.

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The Medical Benefits of Infant Circumcision

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No medical organization in the world recommends routine infant circumcision.

Most strongly caution against it.

There are no medical benefits to removing the purposeful prepuce organ from a heathy newborn baby.

Learn more: Should I Circumcise? The pros and cons of infant circumcision

Above postcards available at Etsy.

Dust If You Must

Dust if you must, but wouldn’t it be better

To paint a picture or write a letter,

Bake a cake or plant a seed,

Ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time,

With rivers to swim and mountains to climb,

Music to hear, and books to read,

Friends to cherish and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world’s out there,

With the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair,

A flutter of snow, a shower of rain.

This day will not come round again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,

Old age will come and it’s not kind.

And when you go - and go you must -

You, yourself, will make more dust.

~ Rose Milligan

Originally Published in The Lady (1998)

Great Chalk Event! Spring 2013

Above creation from Sarah and her little ones.

A few times each year peaceful parenting hosts a Great Chalk Event. Beginning with the Summer 2012 Event, we invited everyone around the world to participate from your local area in a global effort to raise awareness of baby/child-friendly mothering and fathering.

It is a fun-in-the-sun way to get the kids involved in something creative and leave a message of advocacy in the process. Plant some seeds of info, raise awareness, and touch lives, one parent, one child, one baby at a time.

Chalk is cheap ($1 for 16-24 large pieces at most Walgreens, Walmart, etc., stores) and can also be homemade (see: http://wondertime.go.com/create-and-play/article/chalk-recipe.html). Chalk displays colorful messages on any public street/sidewalk/walkway where children and their parents are otherwise free to be, and washes naturally away with the first rainfall.

Pick your passion (intact awareness? breastfeeding? milksharing? night time parenting/no-CIO? gentle discipline? agency in birth?), select your message, choose your location, gather a few friends and the kids, get your chalk ready... and we'll see you (or at least your message!) at the next Great Chalk Event!

The 1st participant in each state (including international locations) will receive a set of info cards and a magnet to keep the seed planting going long after the chalk has washed away.

Prize packs will also be awarded to:

'Most Creative'
'Most Artistic'
'Most Catchy Phrase'
'Biggest'
'Most Public'
'Most Beautiful'
'Most Childlike'

You are welcome to upload photos to the peaceful parenting FB page (www.Facebook.com/peacefulparenting) and intact related photos to the Saving Our Sons FB page (www.Facebook.com/SavingOurSons). However, to be included in the running for prizes or receive a set of info cards and magnet for being first in your state, you must email your chalk photo(s) to DrMomma.org@gmail.com or SavingSons@gmail.com with a note about which state you are in. Doing so will ensure we have your contact information to notify you in the event that you win.

Summer 2012 Winners: http://www.drmomma.org/2012/07/great-chalk-event.html

Past Chalking Days at peaceful parenting: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150169988052671.298955.202794322670

Past Chalking days at SOS: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.220458054639990.62794.166998263319303

*Winners will be announced at the bottom of this page.*

Great Chalk Event page on FB: https://www.facebook.com/events/557787157577689/ Taking place May 10-16.

We look forward to YOUR creations this Great Chalk Week!

Timeline banners made with your Summer 2012 chalkings!

First Entries by State

(if you are first to submit in your state, drop us an email with the info cards of your choice and your mailing address: DrMomma.org@gmail.com)

Alabama
Alaska
Arizona
Arkansas - Ashleigh G.
California
Colorado
Connecticut
Delaware
Florida - Rachel Y.
Georgia
Hawaii
Idaho
Illinois
Indiana - Sarah T.
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Maryland -- Kristine T.
Massachusetts
Michigan
Minnesota - Stacey K.
Mississippi
Missouri
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina - Amber C.
North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island - Erin W.
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Vermont - Amanda F. and Erin L.
Virginia
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming

International Locations:

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From Megan and her sweetie in Omaha, NE.

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Dealing With Impulsive Anger When Reacting To Children

What's your perspective?

Parenting is filled with moments of extreme happiness interspersed with moments of sheer frustration, and sometimes blinding anger. It is these moments of anger that parents can really struggle with in their quest to parent their children in a loving and respectful way.

I hear a lot of guilt coming from parents who tell me they 'couldn't help but shout,' 'got so angry they used time out,' 'felt a surge of vindictive spite' and 'wanted to use punishment in teaching their child a lesson.' So what sparked these feelings - these extreme and overwhelming reactions?

The majority of the time it is something very simple. A spilt drink, or perhaps a purposely poured one. A refusal to get dressed or go to bed. A meltdown at the end of bath time. A stand off over leaving the park.

In our calmest moments, when our angels are sleeping soundly and we are relaxing with a hot drink, we can look back at these moments and see them for what they really are. Nothing but minor hiccups in an otherwise smooth day, that had they been dealt with in a calm manner, would have likely fizzled out into nothing. Instead, these small incidents were turned into day-destroying catastrophes that made everyone miserable. But why is this so easy to see now, yet so hard to reason with in the heat of the moment?

Our reactions are programmed in to us from our own parents and the way we were treated as children. If our own parents were likely to fly off the handle at the smallest thing, it will take more than just deciding not to do the same things to avoid repeating the same cycles. It takes practice and mindfulness to overcome these patterns of behavior.

Anger is a valid emotion, and shoving it deep down, ignoring it, is not healthy for anyone. However, we should be wary of letting it rule us and control our behavior. Recognizing our anger triggers, and responsibly trying to avoid them, is a great first step. By pulling in support, eating regularly, keeping hydrated, resting whenever we can, and prioritizing our to do lists, we can take responsibility for keeping ourselves on an even keel.

But what if the trigger is external, like a whining child or an aggressive teenager? How can we keep calm when things happen that we have no control of?

Breathe

Take a breath and wait. We do not need to rush into a reaction immediately. The situation has happened and there is no undoing it. Take another breath. Acknowledge your feelings – anger, frustration and tiredness. They are real and valid, but they do not need to control you. Breathe again.

Assess the situation

What has actually happened? On first glimpse you might see your child painting the wall, but take a moment. See the situation from an objective point of view. Is your child doing this to make you angry, or are they, in fact, simply exploring the resources at hand? You may see a poured glass of water over the rug, but wait - are they trying to antagonise you, or are they simply going through a phase of fascination when it comes to water? What's the damage? Can you fix it easily or is it going to be costly. Has anyone been hurt? Identify the facts before reacting, and try not to make it worse than it actually is. Often a damp cloth or a towel will be enough to undo the damage.

Identify the need

Why has the situation occurred? Are they bored, curious, copying outside behaviour (often a reason in the case of hitting/biting). Are they overtired, hungry, feeling cooped up, overstimulated? Do they have an overwhelming need to explore and discover a particular resource? Have you made time for them today? Are you feeling connected? If not, consider why not and how you can remedy this.

React

The initial anger that you felt should have passed by now. It is that immediate and instinctual reaction that robs us of our control and leads to overreactions. By mindfully going through the process and putting the situation in to perspective, it is easier to react gently and reasonably, taking in to consideration the perspectives of the others involved. You can now come to a loving solution without feeling engulfed in anger, though you may still feel wronged in some way. Make the choice to take control of your emotions and the situation at hand, rather than letting the emotion control you.

Your instinctive reactions will evolve over time and with mindful practice. Sometimes we make mistakes and give in to the anger, loosing control and overreacting, but it is important that we are mindful and reflective of these occasions, taking the time to apologise for our mistakes, so that we can avoid repeating the same pattern the next time. When we are able to come at a situation calmly and rationally, we can see the answer to resolve it far more clearly. We can meet our needs and those of our children, and go on to enjoy the rest of our day.

Gentle and peaceful parenting is not about never making mistakes, nor is it about perfectionism. We are all learning and growing throughout our parenting journey, striving to do the best we can for our children. In being more present and mindful, we can truly begin to enjoy our children and reduce the stresses during our days with them. We can really begin to love parenting and all that it involves!

Related reading in the gentle discipline book collection.

Samantha Vickery is a mother and writer, who is passionate about natural and Continuum parenting. She believes in trusting children, which is the strong message behind her parenting guide, Trust Me, I'm A Toddler. She writes at Love Parenting where she hopes to help others to find more joy within their parenting journey, and create powerful connections with their children.

May the Foreskin Be With You! Star Wars - Intact Style!

By Erin Dutra
Director, Intact Rhode Island

I have to admit, I have never actually watched an entire Star Wars movie, but my husband is an avid Star Wars fan, so naturally our kids are too. Over the past few years of making Star Wars Halloween costumes and planning Star Wars birthday parties, I've grown familiar with the characters and become a little more into it than I ever would have expected. I find some of the characters cute - (have you seen an ewok? Adorable!) - and I become a little excited when I see a Yoda shirt or R2-D2 lunchbox in the store.

My son was born on Star Wars Weekend (an event I only know because of my husband: "May the 4th be with you!" and "Revenge of the 5th"). So in honor of my son's birthday, I decided to create a fun, pro-intact meme that fit with the Star Wars theme to share on Facebook. My original idea was, "Your little Jedi needs his whole lightsaber" ...and then several other ideas started to surface. Soon, I was cracking myself up with witty slogans - I may not be a true Star Wars fan, but I'm clearly a true nerd!

Once I had a handful of graphics created, I could not choose just one for my son's birthday, so I declared the entire week leading up to May the 4th "Intact Rhode Island's Star Wars WEEK." It has been so much fun seeing the response these graphics (and the accompanying informative links) have received. Over the course of the past week they have reached tens of thousands of individuals on Facebook and Pinterest, and have been shared by hundreds. Clearly, there are a lot of Star Wars fans out there, and many of them support leaving babies intact!

I think it's awesome that so many people, who may not otherwise be interested in learning about the benefits of remaining intact and the detriments of circumcision, will be intrigued by fun Star Wars images popping up in their newsfeed and will discover some important information in the process.

Learn more from Erin and her Star Wars Fun Family at Intact Rhode Island.

If you have an Intact Star Wars themed photo you'd like to share, send to SavingSons@gmail.com and we'll include it here as well. ツ

"May the FORESKIN be with you!"
~Ginger's little sweetie of Intact Wyoming

Christina's cutie, of Intact Iowa, plays in the May 4th sun in his Rumpkinz May the foreskin be with you cloth custom!

Mandi of Intact Michigan writes,
"I tried snapping a picture while my son was awake, but this little guy is a mover and a shaker, so I had to wait until he passed out. May the foreskin be with you!"