Love of a Mother painting by Leisa Collins, New Zealand
Your empathic reply to the comment left by (the first) Anonymous was healing and comforting to me.
20.5 years ago I gave birth to my first son in a military hospital. My (now ex) husband said he'd seen intact boys teased in the locker room. The only thing I recall a medical "authority" saying was, "There is no medical reason to do it." NO ONE said it hurt. NO ONE said there were risks. My intuition told me not to do it, but I deferred to my husband.
After it was done, I got a phone call from the nursery. I could barely hear the nurse saying that I should come nurse him to calm him down right away because my poor baby was screaming. I still burst into tears every single time I think about it. I can still hear his screaming cries today. If there's a hell, I'm certain that that's what it sounds like.
I didn't know a person could feel so much regret. I cannot imagine that a person could view a video of this torture and then still consent to having it done.
I'm not ready to read the letters of apology. I haven't apologized to my firstborn son yet. I came to this CLEAR understanding of what I had allowed rather recently.
I have an 18-month-old son. I was ready to fight my husband, assuming that he would want his son to be like him. I can still remember the day I asked if he would want it done and he said, "No." I couldn't believe that I didn't have to fight! He just knew better. YAY for enlightened people!
Keep up your efforts. I always share on Facebook :)
For others reading who may be in a similar situation:
It is often a 'healing' process, as a loving mother or father, to come to terms with having sons who were circumcised without their parents being fully informed. We are sometimes victims of a myth-filled society along with our children. You do not need to feel guilt about it now - when we know better, we do better. You did the best you could with the information you had at the time and there are many moms and dads in your shoes.
The following are items written by others who have apologized to their sons for what happened to them/was taken from them. They are all intact advocates today, working in their own unique ways to save others from the same. The letters and stories are just beautiful, and as heart-felt as a mother's or father's love can possibly be.
My Beautiful Boy, I am Sorry
The Plastibell Lie
Circumcision: Please Don't Fail Your Son
Circumcision: My Story
From Peaceful Birth to Circumcision Trauma
My Sweet Boy, Danny... Collapsed Lung Due to Circumcision
Twice Circumcised, Twice Hurt: Regrets surrounding my son's multiple circumcision attempts
Circumcision: A Son's Forgiveness
Circumcision: Never Again
Buying the Lies: Circumcision and its Impact on My Son
The Truth Seeker: Circumcision (birth song poem)
Misled Regret: The Unwanted Circumcision of My Son During Hypospadias Repair
My Fourth Son: Knowing Better, Doing Better and Why Gentle Advocacy Approaches Are Effective
Frail and Broken: Painful Memories of My Son's Circumcision
Lives Changed: A Willingness to Speak Up
No Longer Intact: My Son's Story
Dear Sweet Boy, Please Forgive Me
Circumcision: Breaking the Cycle
Dealing with Circumcision Regret
A Letter to My Son
What if it's too late? Healing After Circumcision [Notes from a practicing urologist]
Regret and the Truth About Circumcision Within Christianity
A Public Apology to My Circumcised Son
Mothers Talk about Sons' Circumcisions
Circumcision Gone Wrong: Lantz' Story
My Son is Circumcised and I Support the MGM Bill
Circumcision's Profound Impact on My Family
Marching Forward: Telling My Son About Circumcision
My Son Was Born Perfect
What I Wish I'd Known
A Heartfelt Christmas Gift
Will You Make the Cut?
Stop MGM: My oldest son was circumcised
Circumcision: Never Assume Parental Knowledge
Mother of 2 circumcised sons researches circumcision before her 3rd son is born (and kept intact) [video]
Mothering thread from hundreds of mothers who regret circumcision
Music videos by a father on the subject
Someday you may also wish to tell your son(s) about restoration so that he can look into it if he chooses to do so. There are thousands of men restoring today and the benefits are great: Restoration Resources
Keeping Future Sons Intact page: FB.com/FutureSons
Keeping Future Sons Intact Group: FB.com/groups/FutureSons (private group exclusively for regret parents/grandparents)
Intact: Healthy, Happy, Whole: FB.com/groups/IntactHealthy (many parents raising both circumcised and intact sons are in this gentle-education community group)
Facebook Page: CircRegret
Bracelets available at Etsy.
Bleeding heart buttons available at Etsy.
Learn more about the prepuce organ (foreskin), intact care, and circumcision information at: Are You Fully Informed?
healing from regret.... is there healing? I have worked hard to inform other parents of the dangers and truth about MGM, and I've written about my own experience (http://iinformedparenting.blogspot.com/2010/04/pieces-of-adam-how-your-circumcised-son.html )... but the fact that I allowed my first son to be circumcised still haunts me every day. I would like to have healing, but I doubt it will ever come, just as my son will never heal from the damage inflicted upon him. For now, I will assuage my guilt by working towards the day when ALL circumcision is banned EVERYWHERE.ReplyDelete
Healing is so slow and even one can die before this is complete. Working to educate about circumcision, the foreskin, and restoration is key for my own healing, as is restoring and protesting. But it like rape, surgical rape, they insert a probe and tear the flesh up from the inside to then cut, chop, crush and burn. It's a death of parts of you and you too, mom and dad. Circumcision affects everyday in everyway. I've worked I guess for 14 years and while I have regained happiness by doing the steps noted above, I am still reminded I am not healed as I protested this month ACOG (crying at age 58 and 14 years of intactivism). Way too many ACOG members would laugh at our hurt, at our declaration of being harmed by circumcision, in fact, when I confronted one attendee, she said slowly drawing out, "Oh, Brother!". Nice retort to being raped by a knife. So I live and heal further, not by having my circumcision scab torn anew by ACOG, but by regret moms like you that are not choosing ignorance and wish to see the truth, and do. To help you in your efforts, please see my circumcision and foreskin references https://www.facebook.com/frank.mcginness.7/notesDelete
Thank you for this post. In 2007, my son was circumcised, when I DID have all the information available, but still went ahead with it because I gave the "last say" to my husband. Now, we BOTH regret it. I feel so guilty and ashamed when I think about what we allowed to happen to him. It breaks my heart.ReplyDelete
We both have decided if we ever have another son, NO CIRCUMCISION. Ever. And if any family members are pregnant with boys, I will be sure to give them all the info to try and save more helpless baby boys from this unnecessary procedure.
Thank you anonymous writer for encouraging me to keep talking about this issue despite having many, many friends with boys that have been circumcised. I don't wish to cause them pain, but really hope they will think twice before doing it again. So glad you are finding healing, keep moving on.ReplyDelete
I am so thankfull to my mother who was always open w/ me about her regret. 2 of my brothers were cut and the youngest intact. Because of those talks when I was young I carried that w/ me to when I had my first son. I am so thankfull that I my 2 little boys are whole. And I talk about it w/ them(they are 7 and 4) so that one day when they have sons they'll know the facts. When explaining why their dad, my husband is circ'd I tell them that their grandparents made a choice w/ what the doctor told them was best but now we know better. hugs to all the moms out there. move forward and tell your boys what happened so they can stop the chain when they have their own sons.ReplyDelete
Funny how we stumble upon things at just the right time. My sons are 8 and 6 and I had them circumcised. I did my research and I only found pro-circ info. I did not have internet access and even if I did I doubt I would have found the info I sought. My DH and I opted to do what we thought as "right" And now here I sit; guilt-ridden because of the permanent damage I did to my sons. Specifically to my eldest. You see he had to be re-circ'd at 2 months old. I was told that was "normal" and it would be "fine." I didn't know any better and I listened to the Dr. This past yr he had to have surgery on his penis. A direct result from his circ. 9 months after the surgery he had to have it again because scar tissue formed and he couldn't urinate. His urologist told me he did not circ his boys(I asked). He told me to take my experiences and tell other moms. This way maybe less boys would be subjected to an unnecessary cosmetic procedure. I spread the word. I stand firm against the violent act, but the guilt is still there. It will probably be there forever. I allowed my son to be damaged and then I went and allowed it to be done to his brother. Yes, I was uneducated about the risks, but that does NOT take away the guilt. I provides some comfort to hear other mom's stories. I feel less alone....ReplyDelete
I can so relate. I wish I had been more informed when my 2 boys were cut. My oldest son had his done under general anesthesia because of a hypospadius repair. My youngest son I actually witnessed his.. And it was TORTURE for both of us... I WILL NEVER AGAIN ALLOW MY SONS TO BE MUTILATED AND HARMED IN THIS WAY EVER AGAIN. I so do regret it, and I wish I could take it back...but I cant so I find and save information on restoration should they decide to do that when they are older and I deeply, deeply apologize to my boys everyday... I wish I had known back then.ReplyDelete
I appreciate this so much as someone who has deep regret for doing that to my baby boy. He may or may not be fine now but it definitely was horrific and made me an advocate for intactivism.ReplyDelete
I don't know if I will ever heal from what I did to my beautiful son. Will he have inner scares for he rest of his life b/c I did this to him? I would do this part of my & my sons life over. I can still remember him screaming after after it done. I remember my husband not even able to look at what we had done to him. This was our 2nd child and my husband was use to changing diapers. He couldn't he told me he hated himself and this was just hrs after it being done. We live with our mistake. I know when my son is an adult I will get on my knees and beg for his forgiveness.ReplyDelete
Same here. Ds #1 was circ'd and it was traumatic enough for us to leave ds #2 intact, 8 yrs later.ReplyDelete
I am glad to see this. I circ my son.ReplyDelete
Do I regret it? With all my being.
Do I think how horrible it was for him? All the time.
Sometimes as parents we try our hardest and fall so short. This is one of the things I would have changed about my past.
My son just turned four and he is cut. I regret it every single day of my life and I know that it's the worst thing i've ever done or will ever do as a mother. Unlike the lady in the blog post, I was told that it was indeed medically necessary. I was told that he would suffer from infections and have to be cut later if I didn't do it. I was told that it didn't hurt, that there was no feeling in that part of the penis.. like a callous on the sole of your foot. No one told me it interfered with breastfeeding and then they proceeded to tell me that I just couldn't nurse right and I needed to supplement with formula. I was young, bipolar, depressed, and a first time mother.. so I listened. As soon as I saw the red, bloody remains of my son's penis I knew it had been a mistake. I plan on writing a letter of apology and, when he gets old enough, talking to him about it so that this never happens to any possible grandchildren.ReplyDelete
I cried reading that post. The amount of pain that sweet boy must have been in is just unthinkable. My son is cut, and that day will be burned in my memory forever, the initial circ, and the horrific complications that followed. I almost lost my son that day, he bled so much he needed a transfusion. If anyone wants to read the whole story, I blogged about it here: http://attachedwithapaddle.blogspot.com/2010/05/hard-post-on-touchy-subject.htmlReplyDelete
The pro-circ people can tout benefits all they want, but until the side effects stop including DEATH, we need to shout it from the rooftops, letting them know that it's NOT ok to keep doing this to our sons.
I had my lil one circumsied the day he came home from the hospital and that night he cried so hard that it ruptured and we had to go back to the hospital and have him checked out. If I had truly research this before we made the decision I would not have had it done.ReplyDelete
I happened upon your blog while looking up information about reversing a circumcision. Unfortunately this is a procedure that is extraordinarily time intensive and painful and thus, a choice my son will have to make when he is an adult, a choice he never should have had to make. I am going to continue with my story.ReplyDelete
Circumcising my son has so far been the biggest mistake of my life. I regret it everyday, every time I change his diapers, every time I think about the possibility of having another son, every time I think about how I will explain to my son that I allowed, no asked for him to have a piece cut off. When I conceived my son, I was (and still am) a full time college student. While no excuse, I was young, naive, and in over my head. My husband is Jewish, so I had 2000+ years of tradition breathing down my neck. All of the men in my family are circumcised and all the ones in my husbands family are as well, so not circumcising was never really an option proposed to me, just do it with no questions asked. The second the circumcision occurred I realized my mistake but the damage was already done. I took my perfect little boy and chopped a piece of him off. I keep thinking about if and when we ever have another son. I know I will not circumcise him, all of the research I've done, the testimonials from adult men who resent their circumcisions, the risks, I know I can't do that to another little boy. I keep playing the conversation over in my head how I will explain to my oldest son that I allowed his genitals to be mutilated but spared his younger brother. It literally sickens me. Some people will argue that circumcisions are healthier or cleaner, but research shows this as untrue. The whole world does not circumcise. Only the U.S. is pro-circumcision. I find this unusual when contrasted with how most would respond to female circumcision, more widely known as FGM or female genital mutilation. The two are no different. Both are a mutilation of a natural body. The difference is merely geopolitical: male circumcision is largely a western practice and thus more largely accepted, while female circumcision is considered barbaric and largely focused in poor areas of Africa. I suppose my question to you and something you really need to wonder which needs to be put into perspective is this: If you were having a daughter, would you ever contemplate cutting off sections of her genitals for "health reasons"? I mean, if you want to argue the healthier and cleaner route for a little boy, then it would be "cleaner" for a girl to have less folds and therefore less areas for build up and yeast infections, a very common occurrence in little girls. Obviously most would find this argument ridiculous, because it is. I honestly beg you, don't make the same mistake I made. Do some research on your own, research foreskin repair, intactivism, and anti-circumcision.When I was trying to explain to my husband why I was so bothered by this choice I did this to him, I pinched his arm and held the skin then I said imagine if right now I took a knife and cut the tip of this chunk of skin off, imagine the pain of doing that, imagine how unnecessary it would be. For some reason doing that to him made it dawn on him just what circumcision meant. Think of the foreskin like your eyelids. They are there to protect from germs and waste. Would you ever dream of cutting off your eyelids? No, of course not. I honestly hope my comment at least gave you some seed of incentive to really research this decision and not to be like the many people out there that take circumcision as the default choice.
I hope there is healing or at least I can forgive myself for my ignorance! Circumsizing my son is my biggest and worst parental decision and regret. I thought we made the right choice. My husband and i weighed the options and researched. We talked about it but we didn't read the right things we did have the right conversations! We chose to so he would match his daddy and so he wouldn't have to endure it when he was older like his uncle who had incorrectly diagnosed phimosis at age 5. All of my other boys will be intact the way they were meant to be. I do like the idea of writing a letter to my son just saying i'm sorry i ignorantly stole that from you if i could go back to that one day I would.ReplyDelete
I need a place to express a dark deep regret. You might judge me but I must get it off my chest. When my son was nine days old he was circumcised. I blame no one but myself. In all 20 years of my life I had never heard anything negative about circumcision. I thought it was just something that had to be done. There was no hospital or pediatrician pressuring me. My son was born at home and had yet to leave the house. He was and still is being breastfed, carried, and co-sleeping. I remember calling to make the appointment and the receptionist told me they had an appointment the next day and I took it because I knew if I didn’t do it soon I wouldn’t end up doing it at all. The only thing I had heard about it was girls back in high school saying it was “gross” (an uncircumcised penis). Personally I had never seen one. My mind went to “I don’t want him to be made fun of one day and his father is circumcised.” Why didn’t I just Google it! Why didn’t they discuss this in my natural birth class, or why hadn’t my midwife mentioned it. If I had even read half of one of the articles that I have seen in the past few days I never would have circumcised my son. It was only two days ago that I clicked on one of the links posted on circumcision. I cried for my son. My body went numb and I couldn’t stop shaking. I did this to him?! I am so ashamed! When people talked about not circumcising at a playgroup I thought they just didn’t want to mess with the way nature made them. How little I knew!ReplyDelete
I keep replaying the day I let the doctor take my son into the room to circumcise him over and over in my mind. I am so anxious, upset, and regretful about the whole situation. I wish I could go back. It is so much more complex then me having to live with knowing that I put my nine-day-old infant through this. It is the fact that Tao felt it, lived it.
Keep posting your links about circumcision, and keep informing women and men! How many others are out there like me who have no idea? Always research before making a decision regarding your child! I am studying to become a CBE (certified childbirth educator). Someday when I am teaching classes circumcision will be covered in detail. From here on out I will share what I am learning about circumcision.
Thank you for reading.
kate, i know exactly how you feel. i too have overwhelming feelings of guilt. how could i have done this to my son - my perfect, perfect son? i am so upset at myself for not having researched this more, for saying yes to the doctor. but i don't want to hold onto these feelings because what if he picks up on them. i do not want him to be ashamed of himself. but i am ashamed at my decision and i am having a hard time moving on. - staceyReplyDelete
Seems like there are many of us mothers who regret circumcising our sons. I too circumcised my oldest because I didn't know better and truly thought it was this great preventive measure and was just a little snip... Sigh. My oldest had complications from his circumcision too. The remaining skin start reattaching(yes we took care of it correctly)and this formed adhesions. These adhesions have caused discomfort and irritation for years... Gah. After all my oldest went through I really dug into research and was amazed at what I found. The AAP doesn't even recommend it. Most other countries don't do this to their baby boys and that complications aren't really that rare. My youngest son was spared and he has not had one issue with his intact penis, not that I expect him too.ReplyDelete
My biggest parenting regret is having my oldest child circumcised before I knew any better. I wish that someone had told me that it was a risky, painful cosmetic surgery that forever alters the function of the penis.ReplyDelete
My doc didn't even ask, just said, "Okay, we are taking him back to be circumcised now." like it had to be done. They said that it was no big deal, he would be given sugar water (gag!) and it was just a little snip. If only I had known then what I know now. But as you said, when we know better we do better! That is what I live by!
I will continue to speak up, because I hate the way it makes me feel, and I hate that no one spoke up to me before it happened. Every child that I can save, every family that I can help to educate will make a difference!
If I ever suggested removing all the skin between a baby's toes, removing toes, or even just the toe nails to have healthier easy to clean feet, let alone performed the surgery, I'd surely lose my license. I practice podiatric medicine. Circumcision is irresponsible and unethical medicine, and I believe no parent would go thru with it if the doctor actually gave them an accurate description of risks and what is lost.ReplyDelete
I can't tell you how much that I needed to read this article at this exact moment. How grateful that I am to have come across it at this time. I am a very proud Mother to twin boys; they will be 2 in November. At the age of 1 month old, my husband and I allowed or darling boys to be circumcised. Our pediatrician wouldn't even preform the procedure... he tried to tell us that 70% of boys are being left intact now. We didn't listen. I spent hours upon hours researching vaccinations, and knew without a shadow of a doubt that I would not let those poisons be put into my babies... so why did I not put as much time and effort into researching circumcision??? Why did the dr. that cut my sons not tell me the risks?! I have been in agonizing emotional pain and guilt for the past month over this... as I am due with my 4th blessing in March, and feel strongly that this baby will be a boy. I presented information to my husband; we talked, we argued, I cried... oh how I cried deep, deep sobs of remorseful guilt. Why did I allow my babies to be cut?! How could I?! What kind of Mother am I?! After research, both medical, and most importantly for us, spiritual... my husband and I BOTH came to the peaceful conclusion that if we are to be blessed with another precious boy... he will be left peacefully intact. Although my guilt still eats away at me whenever I change my sons diapers... I quite literally pray for help to ease my guilt and heal my heart. "When we know better, we do better"..... and now I know. Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my saddened heart for this article, as well as the others provided.ReplyDelete
I have 2 sons who are intact. My husband said, "Know one asked me if they could cut my penis, I am not doing it to my child". I said ok with no thought to it at all. My mother on the other hand fought me tooth and nail about it- she was a former LD nurse. So I started looking into this circumcision issue. I had only sisters and I had never seen one before. I google pictures and was surprised that well they all look the same when erect. So I kept telling my mother that we were still not going to do it. She kept sending me studies about cancer and STD's. I thought this was rather odd since these came from some of the same countries that think if you rape a virgin you will no longer have AIDS.ReplyDelete
I am so glad I always have been a girl who hardly ever listened to her mother (lol). But I really glad I didn't listen to her. I read your blog and I read these stories and I cry, I cry for the mothers and fathers. I can not imagine the pain they must feel. When my first son was born 7 years ago there was little to find on the "intact issue". Doing paperwork for the hospital for delivery the nurse kept saying you must sign this, it was the circ order. I said NO! You would have thought I said Martians visit me every tuesday from the look I got from her.
Thank you so much your your information. My prayers go out to the parents that feel pain about past decisions. I spread the word as much as I can. I even have talked to my OB/GYN at length about it. I hope more information is spread through hospitals. Our hospital no longer requires the circ page in the paperwork for labor and delivery.
I sure do wish I could have read this about 4.5 years ago, while pregnant with my son. I will forever remember that awful day in the hospital, how my poor son's penis looked after they were done... and how I cried & held him, and apologized. I was completely ignorant on the topic, and allowed it to be done. Now I wish I'd read more about it. I too hope more mothers read this while pregnant, or even before they become pregnant with their sons!ReplyDelete
my son is 3.5 and everytime i change his diaper or bathe him i am wracked with regret and disgust of myslef....I am his mother, his number one protector and I signed a piece of paper to have a part of his body cut off without him having anesthetic.....when I re read this I think....that can't be me, I couldn't have made such a huge, disgusting, ignorant choice just because my husband wanted him to look like him....I am supposed to protect him from all harm...not cause him harm for silly, vain reasons...I guess when he is older one day I can apologize and beg him not to do it to my future grandchildren....but I will never forgive myselfReplyDelete
I have 2 sons that are circumcised. I never even thought about it one way or the other. My grandfather would tell me horror stories about being in the military and if men weren't circumcised the did it when they entered. All the men in my family are circumcised and my husband as well. After my son was born they kept asking me if we were going to do it and I was against it but my husband wanted it done. We were told it was preventative and should be done. A nurse sat with me and convinced me it needed to be done. I regretted it immediately I cried and when I took him home I couldn't believe how uncomfortable he was! My poor sweet boy and I had done this to him! I felt like a monster. Everyone kept telling me that it was normal and we did what we were supposed to do. My 2nd son I regret even more because I knew how painful it was and I let them do it to him anyway. My husband insisted on doing it again I cried and pleaded with him. I wish I would have been a stronger mommy and fought harder and not allowed it a second time. My husband's argument was that he would be different than him and his brother. I cannot believe that this is done and considered a "common procedure." If I am blessed with anymore sons in the future there is no way that I will let it happen. I will inform anyone I can about it so they leave their beautiful babies the way they were intended to be!ReplyDelete
Circumcision sent me into ppd. I love my boys and they are my world...I feel like a failure I didnt want either one done but let the outside sway me. I will hope they will forgive me and to all future mamas dont let your husbands make the final choice. Most of them dont have foreskins either. Even my Dr is pro-circ. There is only one person I know that let there son intact and I tried to talk her out of it(I was a moron). Ugh feeling like youve let your child down is the worst feeling as a mother. I would rather die then cause my sons pain and I hope they know that.ReplyDelete
The day I saw the video of an actual circumcision, while researching circumcision complications, I was home alone with my baby boy in the next room. At first, I just gasped with my hand tightly over my mouth. I didn't make a sound as tears slowly started streaming down my face. Then I clutched my stomach and fell back in my chair as I felt sick enough to vomit. I didn't stop the video. I watched the entire thing...every single minute of my baby's torture. I say "my baby's" because that's who my mind saw screaming, gasping, choking. I couldn't make a sound as I watched. My hand stayed over my mouth and tears continued to fall. When it was over I screamed and threw myself into the floor. I threw myself around in a fit of rage and agony. I was 35 yrs old, this was my 3rd child (2nd son), and I had done everything in my power to give my new baby the best start at life. To have allowed this to happen to him was something I couldn't take, physically or emotionally. After the fit subsided, I laid there and sobbed like a baby. After a while, I got up and went and held my baby as he slept and sobbed some more. Finally I just sat there with dried tears on my face, quiet and numb. From that day on I gradually went into a depression and eventually had a breakdown. Following that, I completely lost faith in the medical community and I no longer trusted any doctors. I became a germ-a-phone, didn't want to let my children out of the house, and became an Internet junky with a growing need to research every single thing that affected my children in any way. That went on for about 2 yrs. Then I had an episode with my daughter that gave me a major reality check. From that day on, I gradually worked on myself every day taking small steps toward regaining control of my life and getting back to mothering my children in a positive way. It has been a long lonely road. I lost family relationships, have grown apart from friends who I was once very close with. It literally changed the essence of who I was. I now feel like I am a better person for it in the long run. But I wouldn't wish the whole experience on my worst enemy. And regardless of what I have gained from it overall, I would give anything in the world to have those days over again, to protect my sons. I am still recovering. My life is a mess in many ways. But I am completely focused on my children, in a good an positive way. They are growing and thriving and I am thankful. But I am angry. I am angry for what my sons were forced to endure and I am angry that they were robbed of ever knowing that part of themselves that can never be fully regained. And I am also angry that my sons and my daughter had the loss of their mother's full capacity during the yrs that I was affected the most. My son is now 5 and still suffers from his circumcision as he just recently underwent a surgery for meatal stenosis. I am still suffering from what I believe to be "post traumatic stress syndrome". I can't find proper treatment for this and I don't have anyone to talk to who truly understands. But reading all the posts in this thread certainly helps and let's me know that I am not completely alone. Thank you.ReplyDelete
I will always have regret. I went back on my original belief; babies are born perfectly the way they are. I started to listen to other people and their stories about uncircumcised men in the nursing homes, and that changed my mind. I will always regret hurting my little boy, always.ReplyDelete
I just circumsiced my son about 8 hrs ago and I'm regretting it now after reading all this. He is sleeping now and has only cried once tonight, but I'm sure is going to scream his little head off when he wakes up again. He was also a patient of the neonatal unit for 10 days because of his breathing. I feel so guilty. I wish I could take it back.ReplyDelete
When I gave birth to my son 36 years ago, I asked my ob/gyn and my daughter's pediatrician about circumcision. I basically was told, that it was better for the baby and it was NOT painful. I was sooo stupid and I have such regret to this day. I had my baby circumcised to "match" daddy, that was also spewed to me by these two doctors. I beg parents to watch these videos and then decide. I cannot believe this barbaric butchering is still allowed to be done. If a man wants to be circumcised, then he should be able to decide that when he is of a legal age. Also, to the doctors and nurses and whoever else talks about circumcisions to parents, DO NOT say it is not painful..orrr that babies dont feel pain...this is NOT true. Sorry for my rambling, this is such a painful thing I did to my precious precious baby. I almost lost him when I was 6 months gestation, and here I did this to him once he was born. He also had colic, problems sleeping, he had problems keeping his food in his stomach. I think this is attributed to the horrific thing I subjected him to...ReplyDelete
My son is almost 3 and I have such terrible guilt. :-( I didn't do much research when I had him, and my husband wouldn't have been persuaded anyway. Every time I think about it I feel sick. I will for sure fight him if we ever have another son.ReplyDelete
I'm ashamed to say I had my perfect baby boy circumcised this year. I had no idea that I was removing a functioning part of his body. I did not think to research the topic. I am well versed on other parenting issues and breastfed my daughter for 2 years. When at the hospital they asked if we wanted to circumcise my son as I was still laying on the table getting stitched up. Shame on them. I expressed hesitation, but my husband thought we should do it. He did not know any better and was basing his choice on outdated information. He himself is also circumcised. When it came time for the procedure a doctor came in and gave me a consent form. It outlined the procedure in non-meaningful terms (did not say the foreskin had nerve endings and plays a role in sexual function) and she assured me the risks are very minimal. The form did indicate it is not medically necessary, but did not say it is medically harmful. I had no idea that It was not just removing an unnecessary piece of skin. How ignorant of me. The doctor was very rushed when she asked if I had questions and said they would be back in an hour. In reality, my baby was not returned for 3 hours because his body temperature was low. I cannot even think about what was going on. It is hard for me to believe the procedure is permissible, nevermind with only the signature of one uninformed parent (who had just been through labor and had not slept in over 24 hours). They require two signatures on the birth certificate form and that is just for a name. I am learning to not trust doctors. I worry so much now. Fortunately he has physically healed but I wonder every time he cries if it is because his penis is uncomfortable. Does he not breastfeed as well as his sister did because of this? Will I be vilified changing his diaper in public? Will he be the only person at school whose parents did this to him? When he is old enough to form relationships will this lead to rejection? When he googles circumcision as a teen or adult and sees what this ugly procedure entails, will he hate me or himself? Will he feel inferior to his intact peers? My stomach is sick. This has lead to me spiraling into a depression. I also think I am suffering from PTSD. I keep reliving the events and crying. I really wish I could go back in time and undo it all. Since logically I know I can't, I need to try to heal and move forward. I also want to balance sharing my story to prevent others from making this mistake with not making any circumcised male feel inferior. They are not. As a result of greedy doctors and uninformed parents, this is what happened, but they need to know they are not defined by their penis and will grow up to form meaningful relationships, both sexually and otherwise. There is more to sex than just foreskin. There is chemistry and love and respect. And there is more to life than just sex.ReplyDelete
I feel so horrible about having both of my sons circumcised. I can not describe the pain, agony, depression, guilt, and anger I am feeling for them. My two boys are now 18 and 15 years old. My youngest son was on the internet two months ago and came across a Men's Rights forum and the topic was about routine infant circumcision. He has found so much info about circumcision and this horrific barbaric practice done on baby boys. My son said he feels worthless and mutilated!!! And that he never wants to date or marry because of this. I have been researching info as well, and I am in tears everyday about what was done to them, and that I did not research enough before allowing this to be done. My husband was adamant about them being circumcised, and although I questioned it, I could have done more...I should have researched more...my gut was against circumcision, even though I had never known an intact guy. I feel like a terrible mother for not protecting my boys, and I will never forgive myself for this!! Please if anyone is not sure whether to circumcise or not, please do NOT circumcise your boy!! Let your son decide what he wants done to his body!!! I have been researching foreskin restoration and talking to my son about it. He is doing the exercises, but he keeps saying "it will never be the same" and that he "will never be able to get back the 20,000 nerves that were cut", the frenulum, and the ridged band." And he is right. We need to make routine infant circumcision outlawed!! And doctors should tell parents that it is not necessary to have RIC done beforehand...they know this knowledge and should share it with the parents. As my husband and most men who were circumcised as infants, they still believe it has to be done. Please get the info out to expecting parents!!! norm.org has been helpful.ReplyDelete
I clued in that my chosen circumcision was the cause of many problems and so sought to find answers at universities in early 80's, to no avail. Then came the www. and I had all the answers and more spending 7 months 10+ hours/day (I wasn't working). So my point to you kind momma, is how would you have gotten any more info than I during this time before home computers? Even today medical sites are bogus of the truth. To research more at the time would have just confirmed more the lies as truth. Please read my Short List in my facebook Notes. It goes further than you have stated (yes sorry more pain but I see you do want to know) plus the last point I make there is restoration is possible and is good, a so definite part of healing for many including myself NSFW. Also the American Cancer Society's letter to the American Academy of Pediatrics, and the study about stopping studies short. Yes religion is also covered. https://www.facebook.com/frank.mcginness.7/notesReplyDelete
Concerning law: We tried to make circumcision on par with female genital cutting in the city and county of San Francisco in 2011 and was on the ballot, measure 50 I was told. But apparently we can not be free to vote on anything we want. Judge Giorgi tossed it off saying you can't have one county having medical differences to another county. All our informal research showed it would have passed. The opposition contracted their own study of passage and decided to not let it go there. I hope you are aware of this chronological history of Chase: http://www.chaosandcritters.com/only-in-america-consent-to-your-child-having-unnecessary-surgery-or-go-to-jail/
I was very reluctant to have my son circumcised. AAP and WHO statements claiming a reduced risk of STDs, penile cancer, and infections were the main reason I agreed to have it done. I was a stay-at-home mother who wasn't in touch with anyone I thought was likely uncircumcised to ask about his experiences with foreskin and thought there was likely a reason men started allowing their sons to be circumcised. I nearly changed my mind before one of the pediatricians told me it was something I should get done and my ob told me he had his own sons circumcised. I knew as soon as he was returned to me that it was a big mistake. He was so cranky and hardly nursed that day. His penis looked half the size. After, a couple of doctors at his regular pediatrician's office said most uncircumcised boys do just fine and it's rare to have problems with foreskin. I've felt horrible about it since. The OB's "fact sheet" did not even mention much about the foreskin's purpose and function. The U..S. healthcare system creates the now factor for new parents when making a decision by telling them they only have the two days in the hospital to decide. I was led to believe it was a much more serious procedure later, but recent descriptions of the procedure for adults and children give me the impression that it's not as big of a deal anymore. It sounds similar to newborns only it takes longer. I don't understand why they aren't just telling parents they can wait to see if there's any major issues and if there is, circumcision isn't as major as it was in the past. That certainly would save mothers from the guilt of a bad decision made after days without sleep that can never be reversed. I already told my husband I am not allowing another circumcision if we ever have another son. Please save yourself the guilt and say no. Postpartum blues are extra horrible with this guilt. In the unlikely event a circumcision is needed later, it can be done safely without guilt and with your son's say. Circumcised men get STDs, too. I suspect the foreskin's there for a reason and worth trying to save. American medical groups should point that out in their statements.ReplyDelete