Removing Pleasure: Male Genital Mutilation

By Keith D. Mitchell © 2011


The practice of male genital mutilation, commonly known as circumcision in the United States, predates recorded history. Although often associated with the Book of Genesis, the performance of genital alterations has been around much longer. Its roots appear to stem from eastern Africa (DeMeo, 1989), while in the U.S., routine infant male circumcision did not became widely accepted until the 20th century. It has been established that there is no therapeutic or prophylactic benefit to circumcision (Gairdner, 1949; Preston, 1970). Preston states that circumcision creates, “undesirable psychological, sexual, and medico-legal difficulties.” Further research has shown that circumcision, “performed around the phallic stage is perceived by the child as an act of aggression and castration,” (Cansever, 1965). In 1971, The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) issued a statement that “there are no valid medical indications for circumcision in the neonatal period” (1971). Studies have also found that American adolescents are more aggressive toward their peers than their [intact] French counter-parts (Field, 1999). Despite compelling evidence and the AAP statements, over half of all males born in the U.S. were still victim of routine infant male genital mutilation in 2005 (Merrill, Nagamine, & Steiner, 2008).

Several theories exist to explain the widespread acceptance of routine infant male circumcision. One theory proposes that genital mutilation began as a way of “purifying” individuals and society by reducing sexual pleasure. Some see human sexuality as impure and by physically removing the pleasure-producing body parts one could be purified. Research has shown (Warren & Bigelow, 1994; Taylor, Lockwood, & Taylor, 1996) that the male foreskin is the primary site of erogenous sensation in the male, and by removing the foreskin, erogenous sensation is considerably reduced. Considering this, circumcision could be seen as a surrendering of immoral physical pleasures and as a way of seeking spiritual glory (Warren & Bigelow, 1994).

The germ theory of disease created an image of the body as transportation for contamination. As a result, many people became fearful of dirt and bodily secretions. Because of its function, the penis began to be thought of as “dirty.” The basis for male genital mutilation was instituted as preventative medicine to reduce the perceived “dirtiness” of the penis (Gollaher, 1994). Around the turn of the 20th century, masturbation went from being viewed casually to being viewed as intensely wrong, improper, and potentially harmful. Practitioners in the late 1800s and early 1900s viewed circumcision to be a method of treating and preventing masturbation among boys and men.

Many may assume that religious groups caused male genital mutilation to gain in popularity in the U.S., but in fact, a combination of the germ theory of disease and a negative view of masturbation were the biggest factors in creating and maintaining this American perversion of routine infant male genital mutilation. Around the turn of the 20th century, Americans commonly heard that male circumcision could “protect against syphilis phimosis, paraphimosis, balanitis, and 'excessive venery' (which was believed to produce paralysis)” (Hutchinson, 1855).

Victims of routine infant male genital mutilation have very mixed reactions when it comes to the subject. There are many who whole-heartedly embrace the detrimental alteration that has occurred to them. They accept their culture's view of the practice and their personal state of being sexually altered. To them, “it is normal” and they do not regard it as a negative experience. In fact, many American males view the removal of the foreskin as a positive thing. “Women like it” or “it’s cleaner” are common responses from misinformed or uninformed men when the subject is brought about. When infant circumcision is mentioned men occasionally state they want their children to “look like them.” One might assume that if they are the child’s father, the child should look like them either way. One might also wonder how often a father will be exposing his penis to his son...

Attempts to inform those who do not wish to admit that they have been weakened sexually, that they were deprived of their full male sensuality and sexuality, are often met with hostility. Men cut as infants are introduced to this world with the immediate experience of pain, and are nurtured throughout childhood to believe that “boys don’t cry" - men are tough. To be vulnerable, weak, and sensitive, to feel any emotion other than occasional anger, is the job of women. As men, these emotions should not be felt - especially when it pertains to their penis. Parents often discourage the expression of emotion-filled behavior, and it carries over into our discussion of circumcision.

There is another reaction common among sexually altered men. This is the deep feeling of loss. It may be expressed as intense depression. Some men feel hopeless, helpless, and empty. There are tales of suicide (Bigelow, The Joy of Uncircumcising!, 1994). There are those who feel anger - anger toward the doctors, their parents, and society as a whole. These are the persons and institutions men assume are in place to help them, and instead they are the very ones who stole things from them. There are those who suppress this feeling. They pretend everything is okay. These men often drown feelings with alcohol, bury them under food, and lose them in their work. There are men who seek revenge, men who seek justice, and men who just want this perversion to end. Many decide to attempt to restore their foreskins to regain some of what was stolen from them. (Bigelow, Uncircumcising: Undoing the Effects of an Ancient Practice in a Modern World, 1994; Bigelow, The Joy of Uncircumcising!, 1994).

Those who decide to restore their foreskins embark on an interesting journey. Along the way they will experience pain, pleasure, possibly a few awkward moments while on the way to a sense of completeness. Many know they will never be exactly as nature designed them; still, they will do anything in their power to regain some feeling of “wholeness.” I wrote about my own feelings of woundedness and attempting to feel whole again. I kept a blog on a website that has since been closed down because of lack of funding. (Mitchell, 2008) In it, I wrote:
My mother and father never discussed circumcision. Neither of them ever thought that there was a reason to. My mother hated the very idea of altering her son in a way that was completely unnecessary. Her logic was that God created humans and that man should not alter the body. My father never gave it too much thought. He had been circumcised shortly after his birth and assumed that his sons would also be circumcised. Shortly after my birth, with my mother heavily sedated, my father signed a consent form and my natural sexual function was removed. Once my mother came to and discovered what had been done to her child, she was furious. After a heated discussion with my father, it was decided that any future children would be left intact. And when my brother was born, that promise was kept. He left the hospital with a natural penis.

This story is unique. The fact is, a large portion of parents still opt to alter their sons' genitals (United States Circumcision Incidence, 2008). Many do not question the ethical implications. There is a strange gendered double standard that exists around this subject today. It is only recently that female genital mutilation has been so heavily looked down on. Even in the 20th century, American physicians were recommending female circumcision. W.G. Rathmann, M.D., recommended that “[i]f the husband is unusually awkward or difficult to educate, one should at times make the clitoris easier to find,” (Rathmann, 1959). Today, we value female genitalia at least enough to allow the individual to grow up with the genitals they were born with. Women have the right to chose whether or not they will change how their genitals look and feel. It is true that vaginal alterations are becoming increasingly popular (Blatt, 2009). But these procedures are seen as elective, and the decision to undergo them is made entirely by the adult whose body is being altered.

Other female body alterations like mastectomy and hysterectomy continue and support groups for women who have experienced these physical losses exist as well. Americans view these losses as emotionally traumatizing and realize the need for support systems. The female breasts and the internal female reproductive system are all seen as valuable in American culture and their removal is acknowledged as being traumatic for the person enduring it. Feminism can be thanked for these advances in the appropriate treatment of women who are victims of various forms of experienced trauma. Unfortunately, feminism has not helped men in the same way, and masculism doesn't seem to be gaining much ground anytime soon (Bax, 1913).

It is nearly impossible to remove religion from culture, however just because a religious precedent exists, this does not mean such a belief will be adhered to if the culture is providing conflicting information. As American culture slowly begins to embrace the rest of the world’s intact point of view, religious beliefs are being questioned as well. As Michael Kimmel writes when deciding whether to leave his son, Zachary, intact,
We heard a lot of arguments, for and against. To be sure, there is no shortage of arguments in favor of circumcision. Some are aesthetic, and offer a psychological theory based on that aesthetic. Without circumcision, we heard, our son will look different from his father, and thus develop shame about his body. Our son will look different from other Jewish boys, especially in our heavily Jewish neighborhood, thus be subject to ridicule and teasing, and develop a sense that he does not belong... 
Other arguments are medical. After all, male circumcision is the most common surgical procedure in the United States and medical insurance carriers routinely cover hospital circumcision (which raises the incentives of medical practitioners to advocate the procedure). Our son's risks of penile infection, STD, and penile cancer, we were told, would be lower if he were to be circumcised. The likelihood of uterine cancer in his female sexual partners would be higher if he were not.

In addition, there were conflicting reports on the effects of circumcision on sexual functioning. There is some evidence from sex surveys that circumcised men are more sexually active and more sexually adventurous, especially as regards oral and anal sex. Circumcised men masturbate more often. And because circumcised men have less sexual sensitivity--after all, the foreskin contains about 1,000 nerve endings, fully one-third of the organ's pleasure receptors--there is some evidence that circumcision delays ejaculation somewhat.

And, of course, the weight of family, history, and culture do not rest lightly on the shoulders of the new parent. As Jews we knew full well the several-thousand-year-old tradition of following one of the most fundamental of God's commandments to Abraham--that "every male among you shall be circumcised...and that shall be a sign of the covenant between me and you."

In the end, none of the arguments in favor of circumcision was fully persuasive. Taken together, however, they raised issues that spoke to the core of our identities as a man and a woman, as parents, as feminists, and as Jews. Each of the points of contention seems worth discussing in a bit more detail. (Kimmel, 2001).
While Kimmel’s decision isn’t the decision all parents make, his story shows that conflict can arise between two parts of an individual's life. It seems as though some are far too willing to go with what the dominant group has deemed acceptable. Yet, the best thing a person can do is to become informed. Kimmel concluded,
We welcomed Zachary into our family on that morning without a circumcision. We decided that we want him to live in a world without violence, so we welcomed him without violence. We decided that we want him to live in a world in which he is free to experience the fullness of the pleasures of his body, so we welcomed him with all his fleshy nerves intact. And we decided that we want him to live in a world in which male entitlement is a waning memory, and in which women and men are seen--in both ritual and in reality--as full equals and partners. So we welcomed him equally, his mother and I, in the time-honored way that desert cultures have always welcomed strangers to their tents: We washed his feet.
America was built on the rights of the individual. To take away a person’s choice when it comes to their own body would be like reinstating anti-sodomy laws which were repealed in 1998; or to once again allow the nonconsensual alterations of female genitals which was outlawed in 1996. It has been demonstrated that male genital mutilation is harmful and, while the rate is dropping (reported by the CDC to be 32% in 2009), it is still widely practiced in the U.S. with no support for any reputable health care organization, and very little potential benefit. The sad part is, we’ve known this for decades and yet still it continues. American society refuses to admit it has a problem. To paraphrase AboveTheInfluence.com: There are many reasons someone may deny they have a problem. This denial may have to do with embarrassment or concealment due to real or perceived consequences, or we are embarrassed that we have a problem. There is also a lot of stigma associated with just having a problem (2009). America would benefit greatly if it realized it has a problem and start doing something to fix it rather than trying to justify this practice. Until we do, male genital mutilation will continue to be a 'cure' in search of an ailment.


References

AboveTheInfluence.com. (n.d.). Why do some people refuse to admit that they have a problem? Retrieved December 17, 2009, from Above The Influence: http://www.abovetheinfluence.com/help/ask-the-doc/refuse-to-admit-problem.aspx

Aggleton, P. (2007). Roundtable: “Just a Snip”?: A Social History of Male Circumcision. Reproductive Health Matters, 15-21.

American Academy of Pediatrics. (1971). Standards and Recommendation for Hospital Care of Newborn infants. 5th ed. Committee on Fetus and Newborn (p. 110). Evanston, IL: American Academy of Pediatrics.

Bax, E. (1913). The Fraud of Feminism. London: Grant Richards Ltd.

Bigelow, J. (1994). The Joy of Uncircumcising! Hourglass Book Publishing Company.

Bigelow, J. (1994). Uncircumcising: Undoing the Effects of an Ancient Practice in a Modern World. Mothering, 56-61.

Blatt, R. (2009). Retrieved December 8, 2009, from Center For Vaginal Surgery: http://www.centerforvaginalsurgery.com/

Cansever, G. (1965). Psychological Effects of Circumcision. British Journal of Medical Psychology, 321-331.

DeMeo, J. (1989). The Geography of Genital Mutilations. The Truth Seeker, 9-13.

Field, T. (1999). American Adolecents Touch Each Other Less and are More Aggressive Toward Their Peers As Compared With Frence Adolecents. Adolescence.

Gairdner, D. (1949). The Fate of the Foreskin. British Medical Journal, 1433-1437.

Gollaher, D. (1994). From Ritual to Science: The Medical Transformation of Circumcision in America. Journal of Social History, 5-36.

Hutchinson, J. (1855). On the Influence of Circumcision in Preventing Syphilis. Medical Times and Gazette NS, Vol II, 542-543.

Kimmel, M. (2001). The Kindest Un-Cut: Feminism, Judaism, and My Son's Foreskin. Tikkun, 16 (3).

Merrill, C., Nagamine, M., & Steiner, C. (2008). Circumcisions Performed in U.S. Community Hospitals, 2005. Rockville, MD: Healthcare Cost and Utilization Project (HCUP).

Mitchell, K. (2008, May 1). Retrieved May 1, 2008, from RestoreForeskin.org: http://www.restoreforeskin.org

Preston, E. (1970). Whither the Foreskin? A Consideration of Routine Neonatal Circumcision. The Journal of the American Medical Association, 1853-1858.

Rathmann, W. (1959). Female Circumcision: Indications and a New Technique. GP, Vol. XX, no. 3 , 115-120.

Taylor, J., Lockwood, A., & Taylor, A. (1996). The Prepuce: Specialized Mucosa of the Penis and its Loss to Circumcision. British Journal of Urology International, 291-295.

United States Circumcision Incidence. (2008, May 25). Retrieved December 6, 2009, from Circumcision Information and Resourse Pages: http://www.cirp.org/library/statistics/USA/

Warren, J., & Bigelow, J. (1994). The Case Against Circumcision. British Journal of Sexual Medicine, 6-8.

Zoske, J. (1998). Male Circumcision: A Gender Perspective. Journal of Men's Studies, 189.




Keith D. Mitchell serves in New York City as a mentor at the I Have a Dream Program and is the NYC coordinator of NORM (The National Organization of Restoring Men). He currently studies at Eugene Lang College, The New School for Liberal Arts, where he strives to promote the humanistic principles of wellbeing for everyone, regardless of age, sex, gender, race, nationality, orientation, size, ability, etc. Mitchell's scholastic endeavors especially focus on the safety, security, education, and development of children.


Additional resources and information on the prepuce organ, intact care and circumcision at: Are You Fully Informed?


~~~~


What Did You Do Today?

By Alan Smith © 2002
Excerpt posted with permission. Read full story at Heartlight
More from Smith at Alan Smith's Thought for the Day.



One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?”

She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?”

“Yes” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”

~~~~

As a full time parent, do you ever feel like this? The massive amounts of work you put into your children on a daily basis can so often get overlooked, go unnoticed, and seem unappreciated. If so, you may enjoy a larger collection of reading from Naomi Stadlen:  


You, my friend, are not alone.  
~~~~

Study Finds Breastfeeding, CoSleeping Mothers Get More Sleep

By Danelle Frisbie © 2011

Researchers at the College of Nursing at East Tennessee State University found that breastfeeding mothers get more sleep when sharing sleep with their baby (i.e. sleeping within an arm's reach of baby, or 'cosleeping'). 

Previous studies have found that breastfed babies have protective stages of healthy sleep/wake cycles - reducing the risk of SIDS and other breathing, hormonal, and bio-regulatory irregularities. It was previously thought that because breastfed babies spend more of their day and night in an alert state, that their mothers may have less sleep than formula fed babies' mothers.

Drs. Stephanie Quillin and Lee Glenn, who led the study at East Tennessee State, sought to address the unsolved question of whether there is an interaction between the type of feeding (breastfed or formula fed) and sleep arrangements (sharing sleep vs. solo sleeping) that impacts mothers' postpartum sleep.

Thrity-three first time mothers and their newborns participated in the study over the course of their fourth week postpartum. Total amount of sleep, amount of night-time sleep, number of wakings, and number of sleep periods in 24 hours were recorded using a modified version of the Barnard and Eyres sleep instrument.

Results showed that breastfed babies did have less total sleep per day than formula fed babies, but that nursing, cosleeping mothers enjoyed more sleep in each 24 hour period than those who fed by bottle or put baby to sleep solo. Breastfeeding mothers also slept significantly more often than other mothers when sharing sleep at night or during naps. Bottle feeding mothers' amount of sleep was not changed by the location of their baby, (which is not to suggest that infants didn't benefit from sleeping near their mothers, as we know hormones, respiration, and cardiovascular systems are significantly impacted when a baby is close to his mother during sleep vs. left solo and apart from her).

Average total sleep for a four week old baby was approximately 14 hours daily. Researchers concluded that mothers do in fact receive the most sleep postpartum when breastfeeding and sleeping next to their baby. They have suggested the need for increased and improved methods and means for breastfeeding mothers and their babies to share sleep in a safe manner.

As sociological, anthropological, and historical research has shown, the system of sharing sleep is not a novel one. Most mothers and their babies around the world today, and throughout human history, sleep near to each other during the early years of vulnerability and need for night time nourishment, comfort, security and regulation. Included in this sleep sharing paradigm are all other mammals whose babies sleep near mom during early development, and who, like humans, are defined as 'mammals' in part due to their need for mothers' milk.

References

Gerhardt, S. (1999). Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby's Brain. New York: Brunner-Routledge.

Janov, A. (2000). The Biology of Love. Amherst, NY: Prometheus.

Liedloff, J. (1985). The Continuum Concept: In Search of Happiness Lost. Cambridge, MA: Perseus Books. 

Quillin, S. I. M. and Glenn, L. L. (2004). "Interaction Between Feeding Method and Co-Sleeping on Maternal-Newborn Sleep." Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic, and Neonatal Nursing, 33: 580–588.

Small, M. (1999). Our Babies, Ourselves. New York: Random House.


Related Reading




Good Nights! The Happy Parents' Guide to the Family Bed and a Peaceful Night's Sleep

Nighttime Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep

The Baby Sleep Book

Sleeping With Your Baby: A Parent's Guide to CoSleeping

The Family Bed: An Age Old Concept in Child Rearing

~~~~

Why Allow Such Cruelty?

By Rex Jory © 2011
Read more from Jory at The Advertiser (AU)

It's got to be said somewhere in this article so let's get it out of the way: I have been circumcised.

There. One of my most intimate secrets, shared with a precious few, is out.

I don't feel angry, distressed, traumatised, inconvenienced, betrayed or deprived because, as an infant, I had skin trimmed from my willy. It has never troubled me, physically or psychologically, either as a child or an adult. I'm sure my parents authorised the operation with the best of non-religious intentions. Perhaps I have benefited, perhaps I've been deprived. How can I know?

For the uncertain, the Concise Oxford Dictionary says: "Circumcise. Cut off foreskin of (as Jewish or Mohammedan rite, or surgically); purify."

If you consider male circumcision clinically and unemotionally it is hard to argue that it is not a cruel, unnecessary, unethical and painful process and a barbaric denial of basic human rights. Laws safeguard females against genital mutilation yet boys are given no parallel protection against unnecessary and possibly unwanted surgical intervention. Why the inequity? Surely the human rights of boys are as important as they are for girls. Yet there is no pressure, no call for an absolute, non-consensual ban on male circumcision. It is assent by silence.

Australian governments have an obligation under the Sex Discrimination Act and the International Convention of Human Rights to treat males and females equally and without discrimination on the basis of gender and to take action to eradicate traditional practices harmful to children. Curiously, this apparently does not fully embrace male circumcision.

John Stuart Mill wrote: "The only purpose for which power can rightfully be exercised over any member of a civilised community against his will, is to prevent harm to others." The circumcision of a defenceless infant may not, technically, be against his will, but it is clearly carried out without his consent and hardly prevents harm to others.

The Australian Human Rights Commission argues that every person has inherent dignity and value and must be able to live without fear, harassment or discrimination. Removing part of an infant's penis has to be a gross violation of personal dignity and basic human rights. If the same thing happened to a non-consenting adult male there would be a public outcry.

In a civilised society parents and other authority figures including teachers and police cannot physically punish or harm children. It is against the law. Yet parents have the power and right to allow their sons to be circumcised and doctors have the right to carry out the operation free from fear of discipline or punishment.

It is one thing for an adult to consent to self-mutilation by being tattooed or having metal rings or pins inserted in their body. It is quite another to mutilate an infant. Parental consent is apparently a legal loophole, yet any reasonable assessment would class circumcision as assault.

The reasons for circumcision embrace four categories: Religious or cultural, as in Judaism, Islam and some tribal societies; custom or social - to look like father or siblings; to correct a deformity or other medical problem; or to reduce the real or imagined risk of health problems.

The majority of circumcisions [in Australia] are performed for religious purposes - and this alone may justify the current ambiguity in law - or for reasons of appearance and social conformity. They are rarely medically or clinically necessary.

Yet governments don't appear to have the will to apply legislative protection for small boys to prevent the parents from seeking circumcision or doctors from carrying out the operation.

There is a strong argument to suggest that the medical risks and the violation of human rights and personal integrity should stir the consciences of our legislators. Instead they prefer assent by silence.



Join the G'Day! Facebook page of those raising awareness in Australia. 

Resources on the prepuce, intact care and circumcision at Are You Fully Informed?

~~~~

When Babies Cry: Pick Them Up

By Suzy DeYoung © 2011
Read more from DeYoung at Newtown Patch


Now and then, amidst all the advice thrust at new parents on everything from breastfeeding to planning ahead for college, there emerges a genuine pearl of wisdom.

For me as a new mom, this came from a woman who was (and still is) a seasoned parent, grandparent, teacher and author. She took one look at the newborn girl I had just introduced her to and simply said, “Pick her up when she cries.”

Despite the myriad of counsel received from friends, doctors and parenting books, I found myself both then and as the years went on, coming back to those six words.

Although unable to put my finger on it at the time, I sensed there was more substance behind those words. While I may not have been always able to stop the cries of my children, I was able to communicate on a much deeper level that their cries were heard and would indeed receive a compassionate response.

I truly believe that the ability to confidently venture off into the world as toddlers, young children and eventually teenagers, stems from the sense of trust and security that originates with having one's needs responded to throughout infancy.

Cries are the one and only tool infants have for conveying their needs or distress. Ignoring a baby’s cries, contrary to mistaken and unfortunately occasionally still held beliefs, does not “toughen them up.”

Rather, it removes that sense of trust and security in one’s world that is so essential during the first couple of years of life. Rather than “spoiling,” (milk spoils, not babies) responding to an infant’s cries empowers them. They are “heard,” hence the world is responsive and compassionate; perspectives that help babies evolve into toddlers and children who are resilient, self-assured and joyful.

Longtime resident of Newtown, CT, Mary Jane Wheble is parent to two children, Paolo, 16 and Anna 13. Reflecting back on her daughter's infancy, Mary Jane had this to say:

“The worst advice I got – let Anna cry herself to sleep every night – it was the hardest thing we ever did, really painful, and it didn’t really work.”

Can parents always “fix” what is distressing their babies? No.

Might they need to walk away for a few minutes when it seems like the tears will never end? Of course. Sometimes however, it helps to just accept that once hunger, sickness, messy diapers or pain are ruled out, it doesn’t have to be about stopping the tears. It can simply be about “being there.”

Parents know their children best and trusting their own instincts over counsel from others can frequently prove beneficial as parent Barbara Nicholson attests.

Barbara is mother to four grown children and also co-author of the book Attached at the Heart. She said:
“We ‘learn our babies’ through listening to their verbal cues, and being perceptive to their signals for hunger, touch and stimulation. When these needs are inconsistently attended to or worse, ignored, we jeopardize our baby’s ability to trust in their caregivers, creating insecurity in the normal attachment process. How I wish I had been taught this in my psychology classes in college! Instead we were learning about behaviorism, learning that responding to a negative stimulus would only increase the behavior, and ignoring was the best way to extinguish unpleasant actions. Fortunately I was exposed to the wise women of La Leche League who taught me that to have a successful breastfeeding experience, I must respond to my baby’s needs, feeding them when they are hungry, rather than when the clock said it was time to be fed. I know now that when the heart and mind are in conflict, listen to your heart!"
Infants process much more than adults frequently think they can. Many “learned” responses from infancy carry through into the later years. If a parent finds this time overwhelming it is imperative to seek help, which is widely available and fortunately these days, encouraged.

Seventeen years later I can still say this simple yet important guidance was the best advice I received as a new mom and is as relevant today when my kids "cry" as it was back then.

~~~~

Eco Fab Mama: Why Use Cloth Pads?

By Veronica Perrin © 2011


For the past several years I've had the pleasure of serving moms around the globe with the reusable items I make at Moms Crafts 4 U and Eco Fab Mama. Many questions especially exist about the use of cloth pads and with this post I'd like to highlight several of the reasons so many women today use cloth pads, how they are used, and the types you will find available. Because I speak as an expert in Mama Pads, there may be minor differences between those I discuss and brands from other makers of cloth pads.

Cloth Materials Used

The Mama Pads I make consist of multiple fabrics, depending on the coverage required. These are very soft and comfortable: you will not mind wearing them! Included may be: 100% cotton, 100% cotton flannel, organic bamboo velour, ZORB (a super absorbent layer that holds 10x its weight in less than half a second), PUL (an anti-leak fabric that does not allow liquid to go through), and fleece (the fleece is not only used as an anti-leak layer, but it also helps pads stay in place without slipping). On each winged pad you will find Poly Resin Snaps for closure (similar to the 'wings' on disposable pads). These are applied with a professional snap press to ensure quality workmanship. Snaps are very durable, and longer lasting than metal snaps which will rust, chip and fade.

Types Of Pads

There are three types of coverage: Light, Medium and Heavy. There are also variety packs for those unsure of what type of coverage they need, or those who use a variety over the course of their cycle. Light Coverage is panty liner thickness. They can be used as a back-up to a tampon, light/spotting days, or for everyday leak protection. Medium Coverage is similar to the regular maxi that many women buy for use during their normal flow days. Heavy Coverage is a postpartum style pad that would be used for heavy flow (super absorbent) or overnight use.


How To Use / How They Feel

Just as a disposable pad with wings: simply wrap around your underwear and snap underneath. The fleece (fuzzy) side goes next to your clothes and the soft cotton or flannel side goes next to your skin. Cloth pads are plush and more breathable than disposables - no more uncomfortable sweaty feel or chafing!

Simple Laundering Instructions / Sanitizing

Some women soak their pads in cool water until wash day, but this is not necessary. Simply throw them in your laundry and wash on cold (hot water will set stains which is why it is not recommended). Use your typical laundry soap. Toss in the dryer (heat can be as high as 160 degrees on hot dry without shrinking). Simply launder and they are ready again for wear.


How long will they last?

Cloth pads will last many, many years, and can be reused over and over. The average life of a cloth pad is 6-7 years.

How many should I have? 

Most women want 10-20 cloth pads to go completely disposable free (depending on individual flow and cycle length).

How much does this save? 

While there is a bit of upfront cost to starting with cloth, the return is amazing! Not only in comfort and gynecological health, but in money saved. The average American woman spends $150-$200 per year on disposables and will use over 12,000 disposable pads or tampons in her lifetime. The average price for cloth pads is $8 each, although they range from $5-$19 depending on brand, size, absorbency, material and style. If we multiply these averages per year times six (the life span of a cloth pad) an American woman spends $900-$1,200 on disposables or $80-160 on cloth over a six year period. This is a savings of $137-$174 per year.



Chemicals No More

Many women do not realize the amount of chemicals within their store bought disposables, or how they may correlate with gynecological concerns. Disposable pad and tampon companies are not required to list the ingredients on labels. Some irritating or toxic ingredients found in disposables include: aluminum, alcohols, fragrance additives, and hydrocarbons. Tampon bleaching processes leave behind dioxin. Dioxin is a toxic chemical (chlorine-compound) linked to cancer, immune system suppression, ulceration, pelvic inflammatory disease, reduced fertility, changes in hormone levels and endometriosis. Try this simple test: Place a regular tampon in glass of water and return in a few hours. You will find the water cloudy and filled with residue - all things that your body is otherwise absorbing into the soft tissues of the vagina.

Environmental Impact

Cloth pads come with minimum packaging - lowering the cost for fossil fuels and transportation disposables otherwise use. With an average 20-25 pads per cycle, this saves 8,000-10,000 pads over 33 years (an American woman's typical length of menstrual cycles). This equates to 300lbs in a landfill. For each and every woman.



Additional Facts

* Cloth pads are commonly sewn with care, often by work-from-home-moms, and decoratively top stitched for extra absorbency and leak protection.

* Cloth pads consistently lead to less bacterial and yeast infections because cloth is more breathable than disposables and are much less irritating to the body's natural pH and healthy microflora than tampons are.

* In hospitals, blood contaminated waste is handled as a bio-hazard (as it should be) due to the potential for transfer of blood borne illnesses. In our home and businesses, blood is not handled any differently than any other waste. Blood does not pose a health risk (as fecal matter does). Hot water is not necessary and there is no reason not to wash cloth with the rest of the cold laundry.

* Women who use cloth never run out of pads at the worst timing!
I am certain, once you try cloth, you will never go back to store-bought disposables again!  ãƒ…


Veronica Perrin runs Eco Fab Mama, a location for high-quality Work-At-Home-Made products, as well as other eco-friendly products. Cloth pads, nursing pads, wet bags and similar products are currently found at Moms Craft 4 U. Eco Fab Mama on Facebook. Moms Craft 4 U on Facebook.



~~~~

Snuggle in My Baby

Sung to the nursery rhyme tune, Hush, Little Baby.


Snuggle in my baby - don't you fret.
Momma's gonna keep you
From getting wet.

I'll protect and carry you
Through all the storms
That may come through.

I love you no matter what comes our way,
Each and every night
And every day.

You're my sweet little Bugaboo.
On cue I'll nurse, wear
And dream by you.

Beside gentle mothering wings the years pass by.
And now, come soon,
I'll watch you fly...


~ Danelle Frisbie


~~~~~

The Forced Retraction of My Son

By Danielle Netherton © 2011
Names of UC Davis employees have been withheld for privacy.



I am sharing my horrific experience with forced retraction in the hopes that it will spare another family from the same.

I delivered my son in early 2010 at Sutter Memorial Hospital in Sacramento, California, due to his 37 week  diagnosis with hydrocephalus. He had a difficult birth, but after a few days in the NICU, his hydrocephalus had not posed a problem and we were sent home. At our two day check-up our pediatrician sent us to the ER where we were transferred by ambulance to UC Davis Medical Center in Sacramento due to our son's ventricular tachycardia in his heart.

After a few days in the PICU, we received a call from Doctor G. informing us that our son had spiked a fever and they needed to do a spinal tap to rule out a life threatening bacteria. We agreed to the spinal tap and immediately went back to the hospital.

When we arrived they were already conducting the spinal tap. We walked around the corner so I wouldn't go crazy hearing my baby scream. Finally, I decided to go to the window to see if they were finished. I saw two nurses, his regular nurse, Nurse G., and another RN assisting her. I had no idea what they were doing at the time as he continued to scream, and I waited outside.

When they walked out, I rushed inside to comfort my son. I changed his diaper and immediately noticed that his penis had been fully retracted and his foreskin was now stuck behind the glans (head of his penis). It was swollen and bleeding. I panicked, immediately got Nurse G., and demanded to know what had happened.

She told me that everything was fine and that they had inserted a catheter. I told her that you are never, under ANY circumstances, supposed to fully retract an intact baby's penis. She told me that she had never heard such a thing before and that it was a routine procedure, done to all the infants that come into the PICU. I was horrified and demanded to see the physician in house.

Doctor G. came to see us, and in witnessing the state of my son's penis, he immediately began manipulating the foreskin that was stuck to try and replace it back over the glans. He had a difficult time and was clearly struggling. After twenty minutes or so, he was finally able to get the foreskin back into its rightful place. I told him that under no circumstances are you ever supposed to fully retract an infant's penis. I mentioned that I had read several books on the subject, including those by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), that said to never, ever do what had just been done to my son. He told me that all I read was incorrect, and that the only reason the AAP tells parents not to retract is because they do not want parents doing it at home and not being able to get the foreskin back over the glans if it gets stuck.

Even though everything inside me was telling me that this was very wrong, I listened to what this doctor said and accepted it at the time. In the moment, I didn't even know whether my baby was going to live or die, so when the doctor told me it would be okay, I believed him.

When we got home a couple of weeks later we had a check up with our regular pediatrician. He examined my son and told us that what had been done to him was terribly wrong. He showed us just how slightly the foreskin needed to be shifted in order to get a catheter in quickly and easily. He said that he did not want to scare us, but that our son could suffer from adhesions later in life as a result of this forced retraction. At that moment, my lingering feelings of distrust and fear were confirmed. I did not know what true pain felt like until I became a mother and felt unable to protect my son. I am so angry over this that sometimes I cannot even cope with what I'm feeling.

I wrote a letter of complaint to the Patient Assistance Department at U.C. Davis and I questioned them about what they were going to do in the future. I asked what I should do in the event that my son develops adhesions or other problems later in life as a result of what they had done to him. They sent me a letter of apology, but never mentioned the forced retraction incident.

At one point I saw my pediatrician because I noticed my son's penis ballooned while urinating. This can be a normal part of the separation process for some boys (who have not been forcibly retracted in the past). However, our doctor examined my son and said that the scarring had caused an obstruction, and that it was very likely caused by this early retraction of his penis.

Because I am also an advocate for families dealing with hydrocephalus, I'd like to mention that a shunt was placed for my son's hydrocephalus at two months and he had a revision at six months. Today he is 15 months old and aside from the ballooning, he is doing well. I know, however, that he will always be scarred as a result of this early treatment at U.C. Davis Medical Center PICU.

I am haunted by the fact that Nurse G. said this practice of forced retraction is routine for the staff to perform on all babies in the PICU. This is happening every single day to babies at U.C. Davis Medical Center - a hospital that is supposed to be one of the best children's hospitals in the country. I am horrified by the number of babies experiencing the same, and I cry each time I think of how my son was violated. I've contacted several attorneys on this case, but at this point, no one has been able to help. I am told that it is not worth the expense of the case because there are plenty of physicians who will take the stand to say that what was done to my son was 'okay.' But it is not okay.

I am left wondering, is there anything we, as concerned and informed parents, can do?

~~~~

Contact UC Davis in support of Netherton and her son, and encourage them to STOP the forcible retraction of infants in their PICU.

UC DAVIS MEDICAL CENTER
2315 STOCKTON BOULEVARD
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA 95817

Department of Pediatrics
Critical Care Medicine
Att: JoAnne Natale PICU Director
Cherie Ginwalla PSCU Medical Director
Debra Bamber, RN Manager, PICU/PSCU

~~~~

For additional information on the prepuce organ (foreskin), intact care, forced retraction, and circumcision, see books, sites, and articles at: Are You Fully Informed?



ICE POP JOY!



There are few things better on a hot summer day than a fresh homemade popsicle. But if you are like me, you soon run out of ideas for new and inventive ways to make those ice pops treats unique, tasty and healthy for kids. Anni Daulter comes to the rescue with her phenomenally fun new book, Ice Pop Joy: Organic, Healthy, Fresh, Delicious.

Too often we hear parents beg for ideas, "Help! I can't get my kids to eat anything healthy..." And it is this very thing that inspired mom and author, Daulter, to put together her book packed with original ideas for ice pops. She says, "I wrote this book for parents who stay awake at night worried that their children aren’t getting enough protein or veggies because their kids flat out refuse to eat them. As a mom, I’ve had those concerns and know how frustrating it can be to try to get kids to eat something when they’re not in the mood." Within its beautiful thick pages, cover to cover with vibrant colors and stunning photographs, parents find easy to follow recipes for ice pops that will take the place of refined sugar desserts and snacks lacking nutritional value.

Pure Sunshine, page 26 Ice Pop Joy

Ice Pop Joy has 50 organic, fresh and delectable recipes that the whole family will enjoy. You'll find fruit pops, veggie pops, tofu pops, chocolate pops, yogurt pops and even some of Daulter's 'extra special' creations.

What do we especially love about this book? Aside from the fact that the pages are glossy and super thick -- standing up well to those sticky toddler ice pop making fingers, the recipes themselves are gems! These are not only healthy concoctions that take some of the guess work out of combining ingredients and hoping they'll turn out post freezer-time, but they are also fabulously tasty and get children involved! The toddlers around peaceful parenting have a blast selecting their own recipes from among the beautiful photos of Ice Pop Joy, and the older kids enjoy gathering up ingredients for ice pop creations. In the process, it gives us all a new, healthy food outlook and activity to share.

Summer Splash Tofu, page 80 Ice Pop Joy

"We need as many tools in our parenting bag as we can get. Ice Pop Joy recipes will encourage your kids to try new flavors and appreciate fresh, seasonal ingredients. Before you know it, your kids will be creating their own signature frozen treats filled with their own choice of wholesome ingredients and sharing them with their friends!" says Daulter.  And we've found this to be true! My own little one adores adding one of his favorites (fresh tomatoes!) to some of his recipes. Who'd have thought a three year old would get the whole gang on board with his ice pop tomato obsession?!

Home making of popsicles has long been a favorite in our family. In fact, it is one of the early memories I have of summer time food prep in the kitchen with my mom and our neighborhood gang of young friends. I am sure she would have been thrilled to have Ice Pop Joy on our shelf some 30+ years ago, but you and I are the ones who get to indulge today! Maybe later, we'll take Grandma a homemade sample of one of our new favorite ice pop joys...

Protein Bar, page 133 Ice Pop Joy

Pick up a copy of Ice Pop Joy at your local bookstore, or receive a discounted hardcover copy at the peaceful parenting Amazon shop here. 

Daulter has shared one of her special ice pop recipes with peaceful parenting readers here! See Lavender Flower Power and try your hand at some ice pop making today. 

Visit the Ice Pop Joy home page for additional details and info. Ice Pop Joy on Facebook

To hear more from Anni Daulter, visit the wonderful site for her new Bamboo Magazine: Conscious Family Living. Bamboo Magazine on Facebook


Related Reading:

Breastmilk Popsicles (not a recipe included in or associated with Ice Pop Joy, but something that lactating moms may wish to implement to make their tasty frozen pops even better for little ones!) 

Lavender Flower Power - Daulter shares one of her special Ice Pop Joy recipes with peaceful parenting readers. 

~~~~

Ice Pop Joy: Lavender Flower Power Recipe


Anni Daulter, mother and author of Ice Pop Joy, and creator of Bamboo Magazine, graciously shares one of her healthy, fresh and delicious ice pop recipes with peaceful parenting readers below. Before indulging, please check out more of the background on Ice Pop Joy here. When you and the kiddos make up Lavender Flower Power pops at your house, be sure to snap a picture and share it with us! We'd love to see you in ice pop action. Send to DrMomma.org@gmail.com or post on the peaceful parenting Facebook page. We'll add your photo here and you can be part of the new ice pop joy spreading the nation!


Lavender Flower Power

Ingredients:

1 Tablespoon edible lavender flowers
1 teaspoon lavender extract
4 Tablespoons honey
½ cup heavy cream
1 ½ cups whole milk

Preparation:

Combine the lavender flowers, lavender extract, and honey in a bowl and mix together.
Add in the heavy cream and milk and then mix together.
Blend all ingredients together to a smooth texture in blender.
Pour mixture into chosen pop molds.
Add in some additional edible lavender flowers to make them extra special.
Freeze.

HINT: Add in one tiny drop of violet colored food coloring to make the color really “pop!”
Makes 6
4 oz. pops

Pop – Culture Health Tip

Many folks do not know you can consume lavender, but you can, and English Lavender is said to be the most popular edible form. The flavor is a subtle and somewhat acquired taste, that is really refreshing and soothing. Lavender is an herb that is well known to calm the nerves and just the tiniest bit of lavender extract goes a long way.


Pick up a copy of Ice Pop Joy at your local bookstore, or receive a discounted hardcover copy at the peaceful parenting Amazon shop here.  

Visit the Ice Pop Joy home page for additional details and info. Ice Pop Joy on Facebook

To hear more from Anni Daulter, visit the wonderful site for her new Bamboo Magazine: Conscious Family LivingBamboo Magazine on Facebook


Related Reading:

Breastmilk Popsicles (not a recipe included in or associated with Ice Pop Joy, but something that lactating moms may wish to implement to make their tasty frozen pops even better for little ones!) 

Ice Pop Joy! peaceful parenting review of Daulter's book. 

~~~~

Detroit Mother Ordered Off the Bus for Nursing Her Newborn

By Danelle Frisbie © 2011


On Friday, June 24th, Afrykayn Moon stood waiting in line for the 11:50am 275 SMART Bus from Meijer in Taylor, Michigan (outside Detroit) north to Pontiac. While she waited for the hour long bus ride, Moon quietly nursed her two week old son in a football hold, supported by her Moby Wrap. With her, she had two car seats for the ride, a stroller, and her three year old daughter.

As the SMART bus pulled up, the others waiting in line before her boarded. She approached the bus, and the driver, Darcell, looked at Moon with a puzzled. "What IS that?!" she asked. "What is that you're holding that way?! I know that's not a baby..." she said to Moon, leaning over for a better look.  "Ah... is that a titty?!" Darcell shrieked.

"Yes," Moon replied. "That is my son. I am feeding my son."

"You're going to have to cover that up!" Darcell ordered Moon, who continued to nurse as she helped her three year old onto the bus, and pulled her items aboard.

"You're going to have to cover THAT up!" Darcell repeated two additional times - the order becoming more forceful.

Moon said that she would not cover or stop nursing her baby and offered to give the driver the laws of Michigan which state (Mich. Comp. Laws § 41.181, § 67.1aa and § 117.4i et seq.):
Public nudity laws do not apply to a woman breastfeeding a child.
Federal law also protects Moon and her nursing newborn when they are on property otherwise funded with any federal dollars (Public Law No: 106-58 (Sec. 647) if she and her child are otherwise permitted to be there.

Darcell told Moon she would have to call her in to Dispatch. While Moon did not hear the call, or what was said, Dispatch told Darcell to remove Moon from the bus. Moon refused.

Until she got off the bus, Darcell announced she would not be moving the bus. Other passengers began to complain - many would be late for work.

Moon's newborn son finished nursing, and she put him up on her shoulder. Darcell started the bus and took off.

At the next stop, Darcell had uniformed officers come onto the bus to remove Moon and her babies. Her baby was no longer nursing, but an officer asked Moon anyway, "Ma'am, are you done?"

Moon replied, "For now. But if he gets hungry again, I will feed him again. This is an hour bus ride. If he gets hungry before the hour is up, I am going to feed him."

Darcell put the bus in park and ordered everyone off. Moon refused to move again. Everyone sat. Eventually, Darcell decided to pull the bus away, but noticed Moon's two car seats, stroller, and three year old sitting along side her. "You can't leave that stroller sitting against the seat that way," she told Moon. Another gentleman got up to help move the stroller to the back of the bus. Yet, when he got off at his stop, the harassment continued.

Moon's beautiful, blessed children: 
Her three year old daughter, and newborn son who she nurses on cue.

Moon says that with her YouTube video (below), she had planned to "put my baby in a football hold, and put my Moby Wrap on, and show everybody on this video that - look! - you can't really see anything, and [Darcell] didn't have any reason for saying that, because I really wasn't that exposed."

However, Moon, continued, "If I do that, then that really takes away from what my point is. And my point for doing this video is not to show you how much of my breast was showing, or how much was not showing. The point of the matter is, as a mother, I should have the right to feed my child, period. I have the right to feed my child if we're out. I should be able to feed him without being harassed by the bus driver; Without having the bus driver call the police on me; Without having the bus driver's dispatch try to put me off the bus."

Moon says that there were five other women on the bus at the same time as this ordeal took place. "Doing things like that would discourage another mother from every wanting to breastfeed! ...We don't need mothers to keep from nursing! We need to keep promoting mothers nursing! That is the healthiest way to take care of your child. And things like this are going to keep a new mother, or a mother who is already hesitating, from nursing."

Moon is correct when she asserts that, "Something needs to be done. What I experienced was completely rude - was completely disrespectful. Especially coming from another woman."

In response to the harassment Moon and her little ones endured, a nurse-in is planned for this coming Friday, July 1st, to take place at the Oakland County SMART Bus Terminal (details below and on the Facebook event page). Please support Moon, her newborn son, and nursing babies and mothers everywhere, by contacting SMART to let them know this is, without question, not the way to treat breastfeeding mothers and their babies. And thank you for nursing in public! 


SMART Bus Phone Number: 866-962-5515

Mr. John C. Hertel, General Manager
535 Griswold Street., Ste. 600
Detroit, MI 48226
Phone: 313-223-2100


Oakland County SMART Bus Terminal Nurse-In

Date: Friday July 1, 2011
Time: 9:00am -12:00pm
Location: Oakland County SMART Bus Terminal





UPDATE:

SMART released the following statement in response to this incident:
As the regional transit provider, SMART works hard to ensure our services are safe, convenient and reliable and that we comply with all appropriate federal and state laws. As such, SMART supports a mother's right to breastfeed her child. It is our policy to permit this activity on all SMART buses.


We have taken the recent complaint very seriously and are investigating the full incident. The driver involved in the situation has been taken out of service pending conclusion of our investigation.


SMART is southeast Michigan’s only regional transit system serving Macomb, Oakland and Wayne Counties. Recognized nationally as an innovator in community based service for its unique partnerships with 75 communities, SMART is posting record ridership with nearly 12 million passengers using the service annually.
NIP and Breastfeeding Advocacy Shirts Available at Made By Momma


~~~~

Primal Parenting: Giving Babies the Best Start in Life

By Patricia Törngren, CCE © 2011
Provided for DrMomma.org by author.
Read more from Törngren at Parenting With Love

Mother and baby from Patricia Törngren's Primal Parenting Page

Few adults today would associate the way they were treated as babies with the problems they may be experiencing in their adult lives. Yet people undergoing Primal Therapy and the other Deep Feeling Regressive Therapies, often become only too aware of them. For a long time I have been battling in therapy with the pain of my overwhelming loneliness as a baby. I was not fed often enough and not picked up nearly enough to meet my needs. I was also made to sleep alone at night from birth on.

Recently, my therapist gave me a book to read because it confirmed so clearly what I was reliving in my sessions with him. I’d like to share it here. It is an archaeologically-based book called The Prehistory of Sex, written by Timothy Taylor. The relevant section is on pages 189 - 191.

Taylor states that in hunter-gatherer societies, children continue to breastfeed until the age of five or six. They get great comfort from the unconditional love that breastfeeding provides. From this they learn trust, reliance, and sharing. The author points out, that far from becoming dependent individuals, they display remarkable autonomy, because they have a strong, inner sense of their own value.


He makes the point that in warrior societies, the opposite is often the case. Colostrum is frequently withheld from the baby. Early weaning usually follows this. As a result, the baby is left with unresolved pain, anger, helplessness and rage, which it cannot understand, and cannot express.

Later in life, this is likely to emerge in the form of either depression, or aggressive and violent tendencies, which may be projected onto, and acted-out against, another person, or a group of people. Thus, such a society becomes a war-like one. (Swiss Psychoanalyst, Alice Miller, discusses a similar phenomenon in her book, For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence).

There is a practice currently being taught by some doctors and childcare professionals, called "controlled crying." Parents are urged to use it to make their children more independent. Timothy Taylor has deeper insight into what it is actually doing to the baby. *

He says that for early weaning to be forced onto the child, the child must be made to sleep alone, and its crying ignored. In "controlled crying," the child is allowed to cry a little more each night before its needs for food and comfort are responded to. As a result, the child eventually stops crying at all. At this point the uninformed may be delighted - believing the child has been trained into better habits. In contrast, what Taylor suggests has happened, is that a basic animal instinct has come into play – one observed in the young of most mammals and birds. The baby instinctively feels, “If you signal your distress, and no one comes, you have been abandoned. You will die unless you conserve energy. Crying expends energy. Therefore in order to survive, you must stop crying, and shut down.” Before it stops crying, however, the baby must adopt the knowledge that it has been abandoned.

The outcome of this is very serious. Taylor links it to classical conditioning and Martin Seligman’s theory of learned helplessness. He argues that if a child cries, and its cries go unheeded, and its needs unmet, the child begins to detach from reality. Instinctively, the child feels, “No matter how hard I try, nothing changes, and no relief comes. So why try anymore? My efforts are in vain anyway.” Such knowledge is overwhelming to a baby, and in order to survive, the baby represses this into unconsciousness, and tries to numb itself to sleep.

Experiencing such futility to affect its environment, or summon a care-giver, becomes the basis of what is called learned helplessness. The child has learned from the beginning that trying to get its needs met, or asserting itself in any way, is futile. Tragically, learned helplessness is often the forerunner of clinical depression. We need to help parents become aware of the fact that their "good, well-trained" babies, may be in danger of becoming depressed and/or anxious, and may continue to be so in later life, unless they go through years of costly therapy. Because proactive prevention is better than cure, it has become essential that we get this information through to new parents as early as possible.

Mother sing Kangaroo Mother Care with her newborn

In a paper read at an international conference on Kangaroo Mother Care in 1998, a Cape Town doctor, Dr. Nils Bergman, cites the research of Lozoff et. al. (1977) who studied the way hunter-gatherer peoples raise their children. He says, “Common to all groups is the fact that newborns are carried constantly. They sleep with their mothers, there is immediate response to crying, feeding takes place every one to two hours, and breastfeeding continues for at least two years.” He goes on to urge parents to give this kind of nurturing to their children if the human race is to survive.

For most of us, tragically, this information has come too late. What makes me sad, is that although my mother was not a warm, cuddly person, she was very conscientious and wanted to do it right. If the childcare books of her time had told her to hold and comfort me after birth, to pick me up and carry me around close to her body, to let me sleep with her, to feed me when I was hungry, and not leave me to starve for 8 hours every night, she would have followed their instructions and the story of my life would probably have been very different.

Instead the doctor told her not to pick me up too often and not to feed me under any circumstance from 10:00pm until 6:00am, because my stomach "needed to rest." (Some of my most agonized baby primals have been about this terrible nightly ordeal of loneliness and starvation). Because she was a conscientious mother, my mother followed the doctor’s instructions to the letter.

My crying did concern her though, so she phoned the doctor and said, “I can’t leave my baby to cry like this. Shouldn’t I feed her?” His response was, “Whatever you do, don’t feed your baby before 6.00 am, because it’s bad for the baby’s stomach.” So from about 4:00am every morning, she walked the floor with me for two hours while I cried, but she never fed me. She told me later that it made her feel desperate.

It made me feel desperate too. I was telling her as plainly as I knew how, that I was starving and in pain. Yet it seemed that nothing I did could get her to understand what I so desperately needed. This has contributed to problems throughout my life; such as the fear that I will never be understood, no matter how clearly I try to express myself. It also left me with great insecurities about food, and fear of there never being enough. In addition, I was left feeling that I was "bad" and undeserving of receiving anything (even food when I was starving), because I could feel my mother’s irritability and resentment at being woken so early each morning.

So in my adult life I have had to battle my way through problems of low self- esteem, feelings of being undeserving, lack of assertiveness, learned helplessness and depression. All this has contributed to my having to spend many years in Primal Therapy, recovering from my childhood, which thankfully, I am doing now.

To help parents, there are several good sites on the internet today. Two that I suggest are The Natural Child Project and The Primal Parenting Page. I recommend them to anyone who is having a baby or who is planning to have one in the future. They give links to sites that promote "attachment parenting" - keeping the baby in close, loving contact with its mother's (or father's) body for the early months of life, feeding the baby on cue whenever s/he is hungry, and allowing baby to sleep close to the warm bodies of its parents at night - to meet the primal infant needs for touching and closeness. Hopefully, this nurturing and loving style of caring for children will become the parenting of the future, as it was in our distant past. If it doesn't, our future as humanity is bleak indeed.

Dr. Nils Bergman closed his article on Kangaroo Mother Care with these words, "...it is a Public Health Imperative. It is the design of the past, and our future depends on it."

________________________

* Update: Recent research confirms Taylor’s hypothesis. Brain scans and studies measuring the vital signs and stress hormone levels of babies show that they become measurably traumatised if their needs for love and physical closeness are not adequately met. Sue Gerhardt’s book, Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby’s Brain lists some of the most recent studies.


RECOMMENDED READING:

The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff

Magical Child by Joseph Chilton Pearce

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by La Leche League

Nighttime Parenting by William Sears

The Family Bed by Tine Thevenin

The Biology of Love by Arthur Janov

Why Love Matters by Sue Gerhardt

Our Babies, Ourselves by Meredith Small

The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland

The Baby Bond by Linda Palmer

The Vital Touch by Sharon Heller

The Natural Child: Parenting from the Heart by Jan Hunt

Kangaroo Babies by Nathalie Charpak

Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering by Sarah Buckley

Kangaroo Mother Care article by Patricia Törngren


Yahoo Group Kangaroo Mother Care



~~~~

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails