Even When You Lose, You are Winning

By Aubrey Taylor © 2011

For everyone who spends their precious energy spreading the word about genital integrity and the harms of genital mutilation, gentle parenting versus the harms of sleep training ("cry-it-out") and aggressive punishment, or the normalcy of giving human milk to human babies: Don't get frustrated! Don't give up! Remember: You do not have to win! The task at hand is not to change the mind of the person who happens to choose to argue with you publicly. Those who disagree and spend their time opposing your message may never change their mind. They were already the ones most likely to respond negatively to you. Rather, you are presenting a gentle, informed perspective for the thousands of others who may never type a single word about the subject in response, but are quietly watching on, reading what you write, listening to what you say. Use the arguments of your opponent as an opportunity to address the various issues on the minds of those reading silently, but not speaking.

If that one particular person never "gets it" and goes through every argument in the book, GREAT! All this means is that you've managed to introduce and work through every point, and this person has helped you do it. Allow this to enable you to detach from the frustration of hearing the other side, or thinking you've "lost" because that one didn't change his/her mind. You're battling an idea over and over, and the way you respond is being observed by others.

Right now, some babies and children will lose. And it may be your unfortunate, heartbreaking, perspective as a freedom fighter to know about their pain, but this does not mean you are losing. As long as we are out there, as long as we are being productive, we are winning. Humanity wants to change - even when it doesn't seem like it in our little circle of the world. We want to be kind, loving and respectful to our children and we all want a society that respects human rights equally. We just need the support, and freedom, to do it. This is a long term goal, so don't worry about the ups and downs. Cruelness and lack of compassion are just symptoms of cruelness and lack of compassion, not innate traits among humans. Let this help you put up your case with a calm and righteous heart, with confidence and compassion, and without insults or belligerence, even when that is what is handed to you.

And THANK YOU for all that you do!

Aubrey Taylor is an American social activist working for human rights and equality.

Also by Taylor: Effective Intactivism

Visit Taylor's YouTube channel here.

For additional informational resources on intact care, the prepuce (foreskin), and circumcision, see Are You Fully Informed?


  1. I really needed to read this. Thanks so much! <3

  2. Thank you... from one of the quiet ones :) Someone gave me babywise when I was expecting, but thankfully there was more positive parenting advice out there for me.

  3. For the longest time I was made to feel like I was some sort of outcast. That something was wrong with me. I finally realize that I am exactly how God created man, in his own image. That the evils of man and his ways to pervert the sacredness of the masculine, to disconnect the male from his divine nature is circumcision. I realize now why the women that I have had the pleasure of a close friendship with find me so emotionally connected. It is because I am connected.
    I praise the work that I see you good people doing. That every little child you save from MGM and FGM will become the wind of change that is marching forward and no government body will be able to withstand the truth. That the villainy the sits in halls of our governments passes away into outer darkness forever.

    Mark 9:42

    42 And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.

  4. Thanks for posting. I often get so vocal about my beliefs and opinions, and then I get frustrated when no one wants to listen. I've really upset one of my siblings over this...

  5. grateful for being able to find people who believe the same. So proud to be a mama who believes in this... and i have a happy perfect baby to prove this.

  6. Thank you Aubrey, you are right! I was attacked by a relative for giving graphic information about genital reduction surgery to her daughter who was due to have a boy. I only regret that I apologized to her. I apologized to her because she got 'upset' from the information I wrote. I did not apologize for what I did, which is to give her correct information. I can't help it that she got so distraught, but that is nothing compared to what her baby went through. I can at least sleep soundly at night knowing I did my best, even though she cut her son anyway. She will have to someday pay for what she did.

  7. I so needed to read this right now! The possibility that I might have reached some "quiet ones" makes me feel million times better about my efforts!



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