Saturday, February 04, 2012

Deceived

By Christina King © 2012
Dedicated to parents whose boys were circumcised at birth. 




Moms and dads of circumcised boys, this is for you:
It's easy to forget that you were deceived too.
When your son was born, you held him in your arms,
You fell instantly in love, and wished to do no harm.

The doctor came in and asked, "Do you want to circumcise?"
He told you it was for the best and fed you many lies.
"It won't get infected." He promised. "He won't get teased."
"It's cleaner." He insisted. "Intact, he'd be displeased!"

"It's a decision you must make as parents," the doctor explains.
"Do it now while you can. Babies feel little pain."
"If you don't do it now, he'll grow up to have it done."
"It's very painful for adults. Today is best in the long run."

You only wanted good for your perfect baby boy.
You hadn't the slightest idea what they would destroy.
He called it a mere flap of skin, and promised 'just a snip.'
If you had known the truth, you'd never have allowed it.

The foreskin - 15 inches square, now gone.
The soft ridges of the frenar band...
Over 20,000 nerve endings lost,
More than the surface of his hand.

Several feet of blood vessels
Are forever lost,
And this is far from all
He'll discover was the cost.

Truth eventually did find its way to you,
And you are horrified by what you found.
"What have I done to my baby?" You ask...
But in such remorse you'll drown.

So know this:
It takes a strong person to admit to something wrong.
This lets you begin to heal, even though it may take long.
You can't change the past, but you can make the future bright!
And if we all stand up together, we can make it right.

So don't blame yourself,
As the healing starts,
For listening to a doc
Who should've had your son's interest at heart.

Let him know that you are sorry, and explain.
It's okay to cry. It's okay to grieve.
You wanted the very best for him!
But instead you were deceived.

~ Christina King


~~~~


If you are the parent of a son who was circumcised at a time when you did not have accurate or complete information upon which to base your decision, you are not alone. There are many parents today electing to keep future sons, or grandsons, intact, and striving to openly share with others so that their own sons' loss is not in vain. Hear others' stories at I Circumcised My Son: Healing From Regret or visit the Keeping Future Sons Intact page today. If you would like to connect with someone personally, write to us anytime at DrMomma.org@gmail.com We are happy to listen or help.

Christina King serves as a gentle educator for parents and co-director at Intact Iowa and Intact Des Moines, while mothering her own children, and busily growing baby #3 - who, whether boy or girl, will remain perfectly intact as s/he enters this world.  

6 comments:

  1. Thank you for this post. I have three boys - two intact, my firstborn circumcised. I kept waiting for my oldest (now 10) to bring up the conversation about why he looked different from his brothers. It wasn't happening, so I approached him a few weeks ago. My conversation carefully explained my ignorance fueled by lies fed to me by doctors that influenced my decision. It also included an apology. He was horrified that there was such a procedure. He was also very forgiving. I am filled with regret, but I was able to make different choices going forward. I trust that one day all of my sons will make informed choices with their children.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for sharing your experience, my son is circumcised and I feel an intense amount of regret on the issue. I don't plan on circumcising my future sons if I am blessed with more but I was wondering how I would have this conversation with Daniel when he gets to the age where he notices the difference.

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  2. Thank you for sharing this.

    I have a tremendous amount of regret and even more anger from being deceived.

    Ultimately I am grateful that I did not let the deception continue for a moment after this horrid decision.

    I followed my intuition and never let my babies cry, brought them into bed with us (where they still are) and rejoiced when months after the birth of my first child found a name for my parenting choices "attachment parenting" and the wonderful group of people who are also following their intuition.

    Still, I wish that I could reverse time to that one moment and tell myself that there was even an option.

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  3. In the UK this is not something that is done unless, later in life it is required on medical grounds. I am a child minder and have never cared for a boy who was circumcised. It really upsets me to think their are places on this Earth that it is expected and that boys who have not had it done are in some way considered dirty :-( Huge hugs xx

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  4. my hubby has 2 older boys and fell for the lies.. when we were pregnant with my first, his 3rd a friend enlightened me.. we had a discussion and chose to keep our newest son intact. my hubby feels so deceived and regrets doing that to his older sons, and is so grateful that we got educated from the lies... thank you for sharing!

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  5. Thank you =)

    My toddler son is circumcised and it wasn't until a few months ago that I discovered, to my horror, what I had really done. I'm pregnant now with my second and even though I don't know the sex yet, I do know no more of our sons will be circumcised. Whenever I think about it, or whenever I change my son's diaper I get so upset. I made the mistake but he's the one who has to pay for it. I did so much research about it while I was pregnant with him but everything I found told me it was best to circumcise. I think about the day he'll ask me why he is different from his brothers and "Because I didn't know better" will never be a good enough answer. I hope one day he'll understand that I just wanted what was best for him.

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