Tuesday, March 04, 2008

At least you have a healthy baby...



Powerful. And very much how many new mothers feel when they survive a traumatic birth and people say to them, "Well...at least you have a healthy baby!" Birth matters.




12 comments:

  1. ...And that's exactly how it feels!

    (Actually for me, what imagery of my cesarean that comes to mind is the scene in Disney's Cinderella movie where the evil step sisters viciously rip Cinderella's dress to shreds and then walk away like it was nothing. Poor Cinderella was thrilled about the ball and had done what she was told to do in order to be allowed to go. In my cesarean, everything sacred and beautiful about birth had been savagely ripped away and they acted as if it was nothing!)

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    1. Wow, that description made me cry. That is exactly how I feel. I did my hypnobirthing routine, read everything I could, researched and traveled hours for the best doctor (I am living overseas in a developing country and options are very limited as home births have been outlawed). After 47 hours of labor, an hour and a half pushing and after the appearance of heavy meconium, I had my gorgeous guy via emergency c-section. The doctor (who had never even SEEN a labor go past 20 hours - WHAT?!?)told my husband (while I was still in the operating room being stitched up and knocked out because I was shaking so badly from the drugs that were pumped in me) that we were "fool hardy".

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  2. I agree with the above

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  3. This is exactly what it feels like when people say such things to me. I want to scream back: NO! MY BIRTH mattered too! It is our births, our bodies, our babies and we have a right to our feelings and experiences and emotions about it all. Birth rape is not okay. And silencing women by saying, "at least your baby is fine - and that's what matters" is not okay.

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  4. Totally..
    Love you ladies. I feel your pain. Heal From Within.
    Xox

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  5. literally every mother i have ever asked remembers each and every single birth experience for which she was awake/alert. i can see the emotion in their eyes, and let me tell you, the pain of suffering through a birth you did NOT want haunts you forever.

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  6. This still makes me cry - 12 years after the fact. Birth rape is real. And it will impact a woman for the rest of her life. I hope we start listening to women and their experiences of birth (and the surrounding time in their lives) and changing birth to truly be more mother/baby-friendly. If not for the sake of the babies (who so desperately need it) then for the sake of those who are the birth warriors to begin with!

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  7. 21 years later it still hits me deeply. Birth rape is exacrly right.
    --Kari in Ventura

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  8. the word caesarian most often makes me cry.
    X0
    lots of love & i wish i could wear lycra without a big extra roll of puckered skin & i am all for the baby staying with Mum, straight from birth (i was taken down to a what looked like, basement carpark and was the only one in the room, with a nurse up on a podium at the front of the room ~ i demanded i get taken back to my partner & baby straight away ~ thankfully, after about 5 or 10 minutes they let me ~ though that felt like hours)
    big love to you all!

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  9. I got so sick of hearing that after my c sec. I had to be put under general anesthesia because my epidural didn't work and I still felt them cut me open! I just wasn't conscious enough to scream. So, that was VERY traumatic to be in la la land, not remember who I am or that I was in the middle of having a baby, and then all I knew was that I was being cut in half. When I came back to reality and I remembered who I am and about my baby, I was alone and didn't know where my baby was or the father of my child. I was raped of my birth experience and I suffered post partum depression as well. So, "as long as your baby is healthy" made me want to punch who ever said those words to me.

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  10. I went through birth rape as well and in the end the worst thing of all is the nagging regret that I never educated myself while I was pregnant. I am an intelligent person and I was 25 years old so I really had no excuse. Of course this doesn't make the medical industry any less guilty but I am one of those people who believed that you have to be your own medical advocate and I still did nothing to research my birth. The doctor scared me into induction at 40 weeks (saying baby was too big and may be stillborn if we waited longer), then the nurses scared me into epidural after a day of awful pitocin contractions and not being allowed to move (they said the epidural would allow my body to relax and labor progress faster), then after 36 hours they said baby's head was stuck after an hour and a half of pushing so rushed me into C-section. Then measurements of baby after birth showed that she was barely 39 weeks old. Thank God she came out fine though. But I sure didn't. :(

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