Natural Weaning

Excerpted with permission from the excellent book, Mothering Your Nursing Toddler, by Norma Jane Bumgarner and published by La Leche League International. Visit the Mothering Your Nursing Toddler website here, or purchase Bumgarner's book on Amazon. See also: THE JOY OF NURSING TODDLERS

The Child under Three
 
Because of the good results, both for their children and for themselves, parents are becoming more comfortable with allowing nursing to take its course and waiting for weaning to occur on its own. Some people choose such an approach because it makes the most sense to them, as did the mother who writes, "She hasn't shown any signs of weaning, and I'm not going to push it. Why put a strain into a so-far carefree experience? I believe it should end as it started – naturally." Others, like one mother of six, have more practical reasons. "She'll have to wean herself," she says. "I don't have the time to worry about it, and it doesn't matter." For these reasons and others, more children these days have the good fortune to be born into families in which they do not have to give up nursing in anyone's time but their own.

A few children, of course, come to a spontaneous finish to their nursing before their second birthday. For the few who leave behind this part of their babyhood very early it will be in some other behavior that parents will likely see signs of their immaturity for some time yet. They will continue to need babying, but they will need it in other ways.

One mother, disappointed when her fourteen-month-old weaned, realizes now that weaning came from her approach to breastfeeding, not an active weaning campaign. She emphasized solids, offered other food before nursing once her child was eating solids, and did not nurse her child just for comfort. As this mother found out, children who start taking other foods and liquids before four to six months may come to depend upon these foods for most of their nourishment in the second half of their first year, a time when most nurslings still thrive for the most part on mother's milk. Often, children who take in a great deal of food and liquid other than mother's milk at six to twelve months tend to lose interest in nursing sooner than they might have otherwise. They will wean from the breast and cling to other objects for comfort.

Some children seem less interested in nursing and become easily distracted sometime between nine and fourteen months of age. Many advisers suggest that you take advantage of your child's decreased interest, if in fact her interest does show a decrease, to initiate weaning. If you don't want to nurse a toddler, this may be the least traumatic weaning time there will be for at least two or three years. But if you expect to find it easier to care for your child if she continues nursing, do not hesitate to remind her to nurse a few times daily until she outgrows this phase. If you do not want to wean, the time around nine months, a little later sometimes, may be a sort of danger time in which you may want to make sure your nursing relationship is not interrupted or disturbed.

Most children nurse without a pause through the months before and after their first birthdays, and a very few will wean in spite of efforts to the contrary, but you can nearly eliminate the possibility that your child might wean prematurely just by offering the breast a few times a day during those weeks or months.

Most youngsters around their first birthday still enjoy receiving a nice tummy full of milk when they nurse, and if other forms of feeding and sucking take the place of feedings at the breast, there will be, as a direct result, less of the milk that so many of these children look for. This is an effective way to encourage weaning, whether that is what mother has in mind or not. For many children such a pattern constitutes a satisfactory parent-initiated weaning. Also, if bottles and pacifiers are handy to offer children, mothers are likely to make use of them to put off a feeding while finishing this or that project they are working on. This also will lead to an earlier weaning, whether intended or not.

The way to achieve a natural weaning, if that is your objective, is to feed and care for your infant without contrived interferences. Nurse on demand from birth. Forget about other foods until your child shows he is ready for them (and not before a minimum six to twelve months of age). Then feed your child sensibly. Eating foods other than your milk in the first year is more for fun than for nourishment. Except in very hot weather, a baby who nurses often but has begun to ask for other foods does not need any more liquids besides your milk than he mooches from your cup or glass. Quenching his thirst with water or juice in a sippy cup can result in less interest in nursing. An excellent way to avoid overfeeding or over-watering your baby is to make tasty foods available and attractive, but let her feed herself, in her own way, and in her own time.

Unless you are in a situation where you absolutely cannot nurse your baby, a pacifier is no help to you or to your baby. It is mostly a nuisance that, unlike your breast, is always getting dirty or lost. There is no need for bottles, either. Both pacifiers and bottles tend to become mother substitutes and are not satisfactory replacements for the full embrace of nursing.

Without the distraction and confusion brought on by pacifiers, bottles, and too much other food too soon, your child can nurse and wean in his own time and have a chance to outgrow his baby needs so completely that he can leave them behind, whether that be in his second year, or fourth, or whenever.

Not all children give up nursing gradually. Some children seem to reach a new plateau in maturity all at once and turn their backs on this or that baby behavior seemingly overnight. One mother writes of her two- year-old:

He had always nursed to sleep, but one afternoon he got two new trucks and was afraid his brother would take them while he was asleep. When I sat down to nurse him he pushed me away, took a truck in each hand, and plopped down on the bed. He never nursed to sleep after that, though he did not wean from other nursings for several months.

It is very common for little people to toilet-train themselves all at once. A few children also wean this way, especially when they are not nursing very often anyway. Surprisingly, the events that can bring on weaning in a child who is ready may be the same ones that may cause an increase in nursing at an earlier stage. A new baby, a move to a new home, or lots of company, often threatening to very little people, may at other times be so exciting and pleasant to your older child that he will drop nursing to have more time to devote to the happy new circumstances. If your child is weaning quickly just because that is her way of doing things, and if your breasts do not become overfull, then let the matter rest and go on to other ways of being with your child.

After Three
 
Most of my experience is with children who weaned between three and four, but clinical observations and research suggest that completely child-led weaning is unlikely to take place before the child turns four. (1, 2) Mothers in East Bhutan, where nursing well into childhood is socially acceptable, say that self-weaning usually occurs between three and five years. (3) In any case, weaning may come dramatically enough that your child will brag about it as one little girl did, telling her grandmother, "I'm going to be a big sister when I'm almost four – and now I'm weaned!" Or it may be so gradual that no one will know for sure when it happened.

For most children in this age range weaning is a slow, unpatterned change in behavior, so unpredictable that it is not always even headed in the same direction. At times, maybe even for long periods, your child will nurse frequently and intensely. When conditions change, either around your child or as a result of his own growth, he will begin to prefer other things over nursing – playing, eating, sleeping, or even cuddling with you sometimes. Then things may change again for him so that he needs to be at your breast almost as often as before.

As the weeks go on, though, there will be movement, whether you notice it or not, away from many periods of frequent nursing toward more periods of less nursing. In some children this movement is regular and swift. In others it is so erratic and unpredictable that it is easy to understand how people come to believe some children would never wean without urging. Some children even wean from one breast long before the other.

Such is the unpredictable course of an uncoerced weaning. At some age, very young or "shockingly old," your child will not find nursing so absolutely essential to her well-being. And you may even miss it, as did a mother in India, who found herself unable to answer her e-mail messages as soon as she had gotten used to:

You know how things get with a busy four-year-old around the place! Sadly he's stopped automatically latching on when he sees me sit down at the computer, and pulls me off to play instead!

Your child may be distracted from nursing by anything and everything. You can see that, though he may have some months to go yet, he is on his way toward a time when he will no longer need you in this exact way.

Is child-led weaning completely child-led? Yes and no, depending on your definition. You will probably respond, and appropriately so, to your child's increasing distractibility as he matures. He may pull you to your favorite nursing spot, sit you down, latch on, and then instantly abandon you to chase his sister or watch a TV commercial. When this has happened several times, you will very naturally and with hardly a thought respond less quickly to his requests to nurse, at least when he seems to be asking rather superficially, and when the world around the two of you is busy and interesting. In this way, even without planning it, you play your part in his weaning. You are following his cues and your own common sense.

You will probably come to a time when you yourself are impatient with nursing. If you have been enjoying loving your child this way, you may be puzzled at the change in your feelings. No doubt your impatience will flare at times and subside at others, depending on what is going on in the rest of your life. Some of what you may be feeling, though, is part of natural weaning and an indication that you are gradually outgrowing the relationship. You too are growing toward being ready when the time for weaning comes.

In time – how much time no one can say – your child will abandon all but a very few favorite nursing times, usually the times when he is falling asleep or first waking up in the morning. When you are down to these few times, your milk production will dwindle. Then some children who have especially liked the milk will quit nursing in favor of a breakfast or bedtime snack. Others continue to enjoy one or more of these special nursing times for a long time yet, dropping them slowly until a few days, then a few weeks, go by with no request to nurse.

Every spontaneous weaning is unique, however, so it is impossible to guarantee anything about it except that it will happen.

Resuming Nursing after Weaning
 
For most children before age three or so, weaning, spontaneous or mother-initiated, is all but final when two or three weeks have passed without your child's tugging your shirt. After this amount of time most of these little ones do not ask again, or if they do, they find they have forgotten how to suckle. "Is it broken?" one little guy asked when he could not remember after a year just how to go about nursing.

Once in a while someone suggests that your milk may become "poison" or "spoiled" if your child does not nurse for some certain amount of time. This is an old wives' tale, one that is heard in many parts of the world. In rural Zimbabwe, for instance, mothers are told that if milk remains in the breast for a whole day, it will hurt the child. (4) But you can be assured that milk doesn't spoil in the breasts any more than blood does in the veins. Your child can nurse safely after any interval.

Occasionally a child will ask to nurse again after you have regarded her as totally weaned, but most forget how. A mother who was sad because her body just would not cooperate with her son's need to nurse during her pregnancy wrote:

I still have regrets because I see many LLL moms nursing their two-and-a-half-year-old sons, and I know that if I hadn't gotten pregnant I'd be nursing my son too. I think it would help because he doesn't talk, and it would be a great way to stay connected to him. He has tried to nurse since the new baby was born two months ago, but he doesn't remember how. I let him try whenever he wants (it's not very often).

The most likely circumstance for such requests is when you have a new baby, but also once in a while when a child discovers that mom is pregnant. Or your child may be upset about something, as in this situation recalled by the mother of a now grown daughter:

It was a disastrous time ending up with a breast abscess and an angry weaning at about two-and-a-half. She missed nursing so much though that we gradually started up again, nursed through a pregnancy and tandem nursed. She finally weaned by contract a couple months after her sixth birthday.

There is no reason that you can't allow your child to try nursing again, even though you have probably told all the relatives he is weaned. Chances are that he is weaned. A request to nurse from a child who has not nursed for a while is usually a request for reassurance and acceptance. You may not be able to discover any explanation for your child's desire to return to nursing other than the mysterious workings of his growing little mind. It feels good to a little child to know that if he ever did need you again that way, you would be there for him with open arms. One mother says of her weaned twins that they both had to try nursing several times when the new baby came, but gave it up after a few tries. It is much easier for a little person to wean himself if he knows that his decision does not have to be final.

One mother had nothing but positive feelings when her child wanted to nurse again a few times after over a year without asking for the breast: "I never realized just how important and memorable those nursing days were to her and that she would actually remember at all. This was her 'thank you' for the loving patience and time I took when it was needed." A brief return to the mostly outgrown way of loving can be a chance for mother and little one together to enjoy a bit of reminiscing.

Another mother writes of a child who resumed nursing – sort of:

When our daughter was about eleven months, [her two-year-old brother] started to become very interested in what nursing was. He shocked me one day by pretending to nurse on one breast while his sister was at the other. I didn't try to discourage him because by now I had read a little about tandem nursing and I hoped if he was to start nursing again after two years that it would help our relationship. I had already noticed the difference between my two children's behavior that I attribute to our nursing relationship. My son is a very energetic boy who likes to tell me "No!" as often as possible while my daughter is helpful and calm most of the time.

Now that she is fifteen months and he is two-and-a-half years old, he still continues to pretend but doesn't actually latch on. He even tells Baby, as he calls his sister, that it is time to nurse and he directs her to the breast he chooses. I am kind of sad that I didn't nurse him as long as I have nursed his sister but it is wonderful that he has joined our breastfeeding relationship.

For a child who is apparently weaned to actually resume nursing for a while, sometimes for no reason that you can perceive, might make you feel panicky, especially if you are very happy for your child to relate to you in a different way. Yet it will be helpful to your child for you to go along with him if you can. Just as we adults sometimes make a mistake in deciding to wean our children too soon, occasionally very small growing people make mistakes in deciding to wean themselves too soon. There is a reason, no doubt, whether we can see it with our adult eyes or not, that your child needs to nurse again for a while.

Although it may seem like it at first, you and your child are not going back to the beginning of the weaning process. After a few days of adjustment your child is not likely to nurse any more than do other children his age. He is not returning to babyhood, but picking up a behavior that is appropriate for his age. He will nurse and wean also in a way appropriate to his age – maybe in the next few days, or maybe some months hence.

Weaning need not be any more dramatic and final than toilet-training. We are not surprised when a child who is supposedly toilet-trained forgets and "backslides" for a while. It should be no more disconcerting that a weaned child would remember and nurse when he needs to. In a household with a new baby, being welcome at mother's breast, if he feels the need, can be quite a help in overcoming a child's feeling of displacement. There is no harm done by stepping back to baby things for a while – and considerable good in the long run.

Spontaneous Weaning in Children over Four
 
We commonly hear that most younger children do not ask to nurse again after they are weaned because they forget about nursing. This may be true, though I am not sure. It is certain, however, that children over four (or even over three sometimes) do not forget. As I have said, many of them will remember nursing as long as they live. So it should not be surprising that children over four are notorious for going about weaning each in their own way. Many seem to give a lot of consideration to weaning. One little girl, asked when she would wean, thought about it and then replied, "Oh, probably I will try when I'm five, 'cause you can't come to school – can you?!"

Children usually wean at a time that is easy for them, when their lives are otherwise stable. From their behavior it is often evident that they are making quite a rational choice for so young a person. Some children tell their parents that they are weaning because they themselves decided to do so, and it is easy to see from watching other children that this is the case with them as well. In some children the process that leads to weaning is not readily apparent; but this is probably not because it is so much different for them, but because they are children who keep their own counsel about it.

In the months that follow a decision to wean (or at least what appears to be such a decision) many children encounter rough spots that cause them to reconsider. These times can worry you if you have regarded the child as weaned. But you have not lost progress toward weaning. A child this age who goes weeks or months without nursing is definitely working on growing up. When she asks to nurse again after such a long time you can be sure that she has just come to a time in her life which she can handle better if she can still nurse a bit. Once she works her way past it, she will get back to the business of weaning.

Many mothers are quite hesitant to say that their over-fours are weaned, even after months without nursing. So often it seems that the minute mother pronounces her child weaned, he needs to nurse again. Needless to say, spontaneous weaning with older nurslings can be gradual indeed!

References

1. Lawrence, R. A. and Lawrence, R. M. Breastfeeding: A Guide for the Medical Profession. 5th edition. St. Louis: The C. V. Mosby Company, 1994; 345.

2. Sugarman, M. and Kendall-Tackett, K. A. Weaning ages in a sample of American women who practice extended breastfeeding. Clinical Pediatrics 1995; 34(12):646.

3. Behler, E, and Ingstad, B. The struggle of weaning: Factors determining breastfeeding duration in East Bhutan. Social Science and Medicine 1996; 43(12):1809.

4. Cosminsky, S., Mhloyi, M, and Ewbank, D. Child feeding practices in a rural area of Zimbabwe. Social Science and Medicine April 1993; 36(7):944.

Breastfeeding support cards, bracelets, gift packs to share. 

Mothering Your Nursing Toddler on Amazon, or at the MYN Toddler website today.


Additional Information on Natural Weaning and Nursing Strikes:

A Natural Age of Weaning

A Time to Wean

How Weaning Happens (book)

Natural Weaning Age (pdf) from The Baby Bond (book)

The Joy of Nursing Toddlers (Add your photo!)

Do Babies Under 12 months self-wean? (KellyMom)

Breastfeeding Older Children (book)

Adventures in Tandem Nursing (book)

La Leche League International Nursing Strike FAQ

Is Your Baby on a Nursing Strike?

Toddler Nursing Strike

Is Your Baby on a Nursing Strike?

Help! My Baby Won't Nurse (KellyMom)

Surviving a Nursing Strike

Breastfeeding Latch Trick (if baby is young and latch is a problem)

When a Baby Won't Nurse

La Leche League International: Helping Babies Reluctant to Nursing


Helpful books, articles and websites for nursing mothers linked at Breastfeeding Resources

Nursing mothers are welcome to join the Breastfeeding Group

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Gentle Pacifier Weaning

By Danelle Day © 2014

A couple years ago a mother shared her technique for gentle pacifier weaning with peaceful parenting and we found it to be one that others have benefited from as well. We do not necessarily advocate for pacifier use from the start -- babies are designed to be comforted in the arms of a loving caregiver, to attach to a human being (not a plastic object) and to suckle at mom's breast for comfort. However, in cases where non-human substitutions are necessary for comfort and soothing, no matter the reasons for this being the case, it is surely best to meet these needs (for suckling and comfort) in babyhood and beyond. Pacifiers were created for this purpose - to meet a need when a care-gjver (usually mom) is otherwise unable to do so. Providing a baby and child with tender care and comfort is always better than denying them of these things to fit into a rigid boxed set of what we 'should' or 'should not' be doing as parents.

For those who do introduce a pacifier in babyhood, the weaning process from this comfort object also need not be traumatic for children. Too often we've heard from those who are now adults who remember how fearful it was for them to have their one item of comfort and security taken away as a youngster. Especially at night, if a child sleeps alone, these hours can be anxiety provoking, and we would never advocate for a 'cold turkey' end to pacifier use for a child who is already accustomed to its presence in their day or night routine (this includes damaging, cutting off the end, or taking away a pacifier). However, this mother's process of pacifier weaning is one that took several months to go through, was begun at a time when her child was old enough to comprehend what was taking place, and one that eliminated any imposed anxieties for her child. It allowed him to naturally finish the weaning process from his comfort item in his own time with gentle encouragement, and empowered him to make small, developmentally appropriate choices along the way. The name of her son has been changed here to honor their privacy.

When young Ben was old enough to understand via conversation with his mother what was happening, she tied his pacifier to a stuffed animal that he could carry with him during the day. This allowed him to use it for comfort as needed, but made it slightly less convenient to walk around with for hours on end at home.

Next, Ben's mom introduced the idea that the pacifier and animal needed to stay in bed. She and Ben made a ritual of tucking the animal (with pacifier) into bed each morning. If Ben wished to use the pacifier during the day, it would be in bed - where his animal needed to stay for animal's comfort and snooze time.

Once Ben became accustomed to returning to bed to use the pacifier as needed, his mom untied the pacifier during the day time hours and put it up on a high shelf in the bedroom, retying to his animal at night. If the pacifier was needed during the day, he would ask for it, and they would snuggle into bed during its use. Day time use became less and less frequent, and eventually faded away altogether.

Each evening Ben's mom continued to tuck him into bed with the animal and asked him, "Do you want your pacifier tonight or would you like to try sleeping without it?" One night the time came when he asked for it, looked at it for a while, and then handed it back to his mom. He then presented her with a question, "If I change my mind, will you get it down for me?" "Yes, of course I will," his mom replied. But he never asked for it again... It lived on his shelf for many months to come - there just in case he needed it, for the security of knowing it was there should the time come. And Ben's weaning from this comfort item was complete - without tears, fears, or the introduction of anxiety. ❤

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Is my baby ready for solids?

Is my baby ready for solids? 

This is a quick check list to know for sure. If YES to all of the above, your little one may be ready to begin babyled weaning (i.e. consumption of the first non-milk items).

If no to even one, waiting a little longer may be best. Watch your baby, not the dates or the calendar (except for age minimums). There is no harm in delaying the starting of solids for a baby who is otherwise nursed/fed on cue around the clock, and there are many benefits (immunity, development, gut health) up to a certain point, and when it is done in baby's own perfect timing.

Additional good reading on this topic and more: 

Baby Matters (the science behind why waiting matters): http://astore.amazon.com/peacefparent-20/detail/0975317040

Take Charge of Your Child's Health (chapter on breastfeeding, and chapter on starting solids/natural weaning): http://astore.amazon.com/peacefparent-20/detail/156924653X

Natural Family Living (chapter on breastfeeding/starting solids): http://astore.amazon.com/peacefparent-20/detail/0671027441

Our Babies, Ourselves (sections that address breastfeeding and weaning throughout humanity and around the world today): http://astore.amazon.com/peacefparent-20/detail/0385483627

How Weaning Happens (an oldie but goodie!): http://astore.amazon.com/peacefparent-20/detail/0912500549 

Babyled Weaning: http://astore.amazon.com/peacefparent-20/detail/161519021X

Parents with little ones moving into their weaning days are welcome to join the Babyled Weaning Group on Facebook: FB.com/groups/Babyled

Breastfeeding moms are welcome to join: FB.com/groups/Breastfed

*****

Wean Me Gently

Photo: Alyssa G. and her baby boy - shared via Woman Uncensored

I know I look so big to you,

Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.

But no matter how big we get,

We still have needs that are important to us.

I know that our relationship is growing and changing,

But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,

Especially at the end of the day

When we snuggle up in bed.

Please don't get too busy for us to nurse.

I know you think I can be patient,

Or find something to take the place of a nursing -

A book, a glass of something,

But nothing can take your place when I need you.

Sometimes just cuddling with you,

Having you near me is enough.

I guess I am growing and becoming independent,

But please be there.

This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,

Please don't break it abruptly.

Wean me gently,

Because I am your mother,

And my heart is tender.

~ Cathy Cardall

~~~~

This poem is available on a postcard to hang on your fridge or give to a friend.
Request one or several here.

Photograph © Danelle Frisbie, MommaBaby Love

✿ April Flowers Bring Milky Showers! ✿ A Spring Celebration of Breastfeeding ✿

Simply for fun, and to celebrate the springtime beauty that is our nursing little ones this season, we're kicking off this new milky showers album. So if you have a breastfeeding little bunny this Easter, or a sweet babe grabbing a snack amidst the daffodils, we invite you to send in your picture to be added. As always, milksharing and pumping photos more than welcome! The goodness of human milk for human babies extends far beyond the nourishing of our own, and reaches into the happy bellies of many babies who would otherwise be without, thanks to the mother-to-mother giving of this liquid gold. ❤ 

Email to: DrMomma.org@gmail.com
or upload to the Peaceful Parenting Facebook page.

Past seasonal albums: 

Christmas Milk

Halloween Milk

Breastfeeding Resources
Good Breastfeeding Books

✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿

✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿

Weaning

Poem and Photo © Rachel House

You take from my body all you need to grow
Each part of my being to nourish your soul
Now here you come child, the window has opened and you seek your light
With growling and thunder my body roars, you take from your womb, you've opened the door

Here at my breast, how I've longed for you dear
My milk flows quick as I draw you near
Suckle sweetly, let our hearts keep time and our breath become sync
I am your mama, your anchor, north star
I hold you close, never am I far

Oh how the clock quickens, how time will not slow
I look up from my baby to see a child grow
First with the smiles, the laughs, the coos
You long for the grasping of toes, papas nose
You long for the ball, stuffed bear, and doll
Those moments when you are quiet at rest
I hold you so tightly and you take to my breast
My milk fills your tummy, it drips from your sleepy smile
I hold you my child, growing in my arms
I hold you for now because I can't hold you for long

Your feet have taken flight, your eyes oh so wide
You have a world to explore, it's right outside!
You run from me quickly, you spin and you dance
Your voice fills the air with style and song
My lap you still climb, my hand you will grasp
These moments are cherished, for they do not last

As the night draws you close, I hold you my dear for that sweet gentle suckle before sleep draws you near
Then all at once you come to me, smile at sister nursing at my side
You ask for no milk, you just give a kiss, tell me you love me and snuggle in for the night
I wonder and wait if you will come to me again, wrap your hands around and nurse with a grin
How quickly it comes to the beautiful end
Your belly has been filled with my sweet mama milk,
You've taken all you need to nourish yourself
You've taken from my body and I've given it all
Now here you are child, weaned and whole!

~Rachel House


Join other nursing mothers in the Breastfeeding Group: FB.com/groups/Breastfed

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Drying Up Milk Supply

By Danelle Day, Ph.D. © 2011
When a mother loses her baby, her aching breasts can monumentally compound her pain. Some mommas find healing in donating milk to another baby; others need their milk to dry up as quickly as possible to mend a broken heart. Still others find themselves in need of medical treatment that demands dry breasts. This article is dedicated to each of these mothers.

cabbage leaves

Peaceful parenting mothers are almost always concerned about increasing (or maintaining) milk supply in a culture that does little to support the normal breastfeeding relationship. However, in the past few months, at least three mamas in the peaceful parenting community have needed to dry up their milk supply as quickly as possible, despite their strong desire to nurse their babies for a normal duration of years. Two were sweet mothers who had their babies taken from them far too early in life (a little one week old son and a two year old daughter). The other woman is a young mom battling aggressive thyroid cancer who must undergo treatment that will "poison" her milk, and with a terribly heavy heart, she must wean her two year old son. In each of these cases, it was helpful for these mothers to have caring friends who could not only offer a listening ear, compassionate heart, and a lot of love during very tough times, but also some supplies to help with the engorgement and added pain that comes when your body longs to continue nursing a baby you can no longer feed.  

Quite honestly, I cannot even fathom the pain of losing a child or being forced to wean early. My desire for these three has been to just hold and cry with them. But after finding that there are not many good go-to places for moms in similar situations, I've decided it is necessary to have a list of ways to help in the drying up process. One mother said that her aching, leaking breasts were terrible constant reminders of the sudden loss of her little girl. She longed to hold and nurse her again, but desperately needed her milk to dry up quickly.

As humans, we generally continue to produce milk for about 45 days after the end of weaning. During natural weaning, many women experience milk secretion for several months or more after their little one has weaned completely. Weaning starts when a baby or child, for the first time, consumes something other than his/her mother's milk, or the human milk from another mother. This 'something other' could be in the form of artificial baby feeds (like formula), another animal's milk, baby 'mush' (homemade or store bought), or first foods self-tasted through baby-led weaning. Weaning concludes when a baby or child has consumed his/her mother's milk (or that of another human mother) for the very last time. Typically the natural weaning process takes place over the course of many years, as it is designed to do among humans. However, when it is sudden - due to the death of a child or illness beyond our control - it may have extremely uncomfortable consequences that can rapidly impact the health of a sudden/early weaning mother (via abscesses, clogged milk ducts, mastitis, etc.). As a result, it is important to have effective strategies for drying up milk.

These techniques and the way they are presented here are *not* for use by mothers wishing to forcibly wean an infant who is nursing on cue and under the age of 24 months. Rather, they are for moms who have lost a nursing baby (either at birth, in infancy, or later childhood) or for mothers who must dry up their milk for urgent health concerns that do not allow for the safe continuation of production.

Drying up milk does not necessarily equate to early weaning. In these later cases (especially if a baby is under the age of 24 months), there are mother-to-mother milk-share programs like Eats on Feets with moms willing to donate milk for free so that human babies continue to get the human milk they need in their first years of life, even if a mother must suddenly dry up her milk supply.

Drying Up Milk Strategies:

manual hand pump

1) Express milk in small amounts with a breast pump or manually

The most effective way to relieve engorgement and encourage fast milk reduction is to borrow or rent a breast pump if you do not already have one (or use manual expression if this works for you) and pump just enough to relieve the pressure. This tells the body that no more milk is needed, which quickly drops supply. Don't attempt to cold-turkey stop nursing/pumping/expressing altogether. Some milk needs to be pumped/expressed in order to avoid clogged ducts, engorgement, abscess and possible infection.

Expressing a small amount (enough to relieve pressure and discomfort) will not prevent your milk from drying up.  Whereas adequate milk removal (completely emptying the breasts often, by a nursing baby or hospital grade breast pump) causes milk volume to stay the same or increase, "inadequate" milk removal with a shelf-bought pump or manual expression causes milk production to decrease.  When small amounts are removed from the breasts, but they are never fully emptied, the body is told that milk is no longer needed, and production ceases.

sage tea

2) Sage tea

Nursing mothers are advised not to drink sage tea - but for those who need to dry up supply, it can be very beneficial. It has been suggested that 2-6 cups of warm sage tea a day for 7 days is capable of dying up milk supply. There are several ways that sage can be consumed:

Tea:

Bring 1 quart of water to a boil and steep 8 teaspoons of dried or fresh sage leaves in the water for 45 minutes, covered. Then strain, add honey and drink.

Dried Herb:

Take 1/4 teaspoon of sage 3 times per day for 1-3 days. The sage can be mixed into vegetable juice (like V-8) or can be added to small food pieces and swallowed - a small bite of sandwich, peanut butter, cheese, etc. If you do not like the taste of sage, add a small amount of sage to the food item and swallow without chewing.

Tincture:

Take 30-60 drops of sage tincture, 3-6 times a day.


3) Jasmine

Research in the Australia New Zealand Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology applying fresh, crushed jasmine flowers (Jasminum sambac) to the breasts over the course of several days will decrease milk flow. (1)


4) Cold compresses, frozen vegetable bags, or cabbage leaves (nothing hot!) to decrease swelling

Just as warmth increases milk flow, cold temperatures decrease swelling and discourage milk flow. Cabbage leaves work so well for this cause because they are already shaped perfectly to fit over the breasts and under a sports bra.

- Use cabbage leaves chilled or at room temperature, or a cold compress of your choice.
- Wash the leaves (or wrap ice or frozen veggie bags in thin cloth) and apply to breasts between the times you express/pump excess milk.
- Cabbage leaves are nice because they can also be left on the breasts until they wilt (no melting or hardness), and new leaves applied as needed. A comfortable (not tight!) sports bra or nursing bra can be worn over the leaves.

Additional information on using cabbage leaves (2, 3, 4, 5) and links included in reference section below.


5) Avoid hot showers or hot water on the breasts as this stimulates milk flow.


6) Ibuprofen - take as needed to reduce discomfort and inflammation. Be sure to take with a little food or milk, especially if you have a sensitive stomach.


7) No nipple stimulation - do not engage in any activity that stimulates the nipples other than the necessary time to pump/express excess milk and relieve breast pressure/fullness.


8) A good sports bra - use one that will hold the breasts securely but not tightly. You want your breasts, nipples, and lymph nodes to breath. Binding or tight fitting bras and clothing will only increase soreness and swelling and does not decrease milk supply as one old myth suggests.

9) Keep drinking water! Another myth is that decreasing water consumption will decrease supply. This is not true. In fact, reducing your water intake will only lead to dehydration, which in turn increases your risk for a breast infection. So keep drinking lots of water!


10) Hormone Contraception. Although I do not advise this or the use of artificial hormones (especially if you are dealing with an illness already), birth control pills, and especially those containing artificial estrogen, are well known for decreasing milk supply. (6, 7) Hormone contraceptives that regularly decrease milk supply include:

- Combination birth control (Alesse, Yasmin, Seasonale, Mircette, Loestrin, Lo/ovral, Demulen, Desogen, Nordette, Ortho Tri-Cyclen, Triphasil, Norinyl, Ortho-Novum, Ovral, etc.)

- Monthly injections (Lunelle)

- Birth control patches (Ortho Evra)

- Vaginal rings (NuvaRing).


11) Pseudoephedrine (brand name: Sudafed, a decongestant), or phenylephrine, also decrease milk supply, especially when taken regularly (120 mg/day). In fact, Sudafed is especially potent in reducing milk supply in late stage breastfeeding mothers (i.e. those who have already nursed a baby 24 months or more). Pseudoephedrine has been shown to decrease milk supply by 24%, and while similar studies have not yet been done on phenylephrine, its similar compounds suggest relatively equal impact. This is another avenue of decreasing milk production that is not 'natural' and I do not recommend it as a first course, but I include it in this list in an effort to be thorough. (7, 8)

spearmint

12) Various Herbs. Other than Sage and Jasmine mentioned earlier, the following herbs are also known to decrease milk production:

- Peppermint (Mentha piperita)
- Spearmint
- Parsley (Petroselinum crispum)
- Chickweed
- Black Walnut
- Stinging Nettles (not Nettle which has been shown to increase milk supply)
- Yarrow
- Herb Robert (Geranium robertianum)
- Lemon Balm
- Oregano
- Periwinkle Herb (Vinca minor)
- Sorrel (Rumex acetosa)
- Thyme

Sage, peppermint, spearmint, lemon balm, oregano, and cabbage leaves can all be hot or cold pressed into a pressed oil to make massage oils for milk suppression. To be effective, they do not need to be massaged into the breasts, necessarily, but can be used all over.

Peppermint oil has been used traditionally for decreasing milk supply. While peppermint tea is a very weak form of peppermint and it would take very large amounts (quarts a day) to decrease milk supply, some women have reported that consuming a lot of strong peppermint candies (like the Altoids® Curiously Strong Peppermints) has decreased their supply.

It is important to note that no matter a mother's reason for needing to dry up her milk - whether it is due to the loss of a baby, severe illness that needs treatment, or necessary early weaning for reasons beyond her control - her sadness and potential depression may be compounded by the change in hormones that occur when weaning takes place.

Prolactin is one hormone that stimulates milk production and also brings a mother a natural feeling of well-being, calmness and relaxation. Oxytocin is a powerful 'love hormone' that is released while nursing a child. When weaning happens, we find a drop in both prolactin and oxytocin levels. This means that sudden (often unwanted) weaning can take a real toll on a mother's hormones and emotions. The faster the weaning process occurs, the more abrupt the shift in hormone levels will be, and the more likely a mom will experience these adverse effects.

Mothers who are forced to wean before they are ready (or for reasons beyond their control) and those with a history of depression are also more likely to experience depression after weaning. (9, 10, 11, 12, 13) Hormones are very powerful factors in women's (and men's) lives. We have yet to understand all the rolls they play in our bodies and brains, or their intricate influence on human health, behavior, and emotion. Yet, in the cases of early weaning and drying up milk, some of the same strategies that are used for reducing post-partum depression may also help with early weaning depression and sadness. See Combat Postpartum Depression without Medications for some related suggestions. (14)

A poem in honor of peaceful parenting weaning mommas: Wean Me Gently

References:

1) Shrivastav P, George K, Balasubramaniam N, Jasper MP, Thomas M, Kanagasabhapathy AS. Suppression of puerperal lactation using jasmine flowers (Jasminum sambac). Australia New Zealand Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology. 1988 Feb;28(1):68-71.

2) Yount, Paula: Cabbage? Why Use It and How Does It Work? Instructions for Use 

3) Newman, Jack: Cabbage Leaves for Engorgement

4) Davis, Marie: Engorgement: The Cabbage Cure

5) Smith, Sandra: Cabbage Leaves for Prevention and Treatment of Breast Engorgement 

6) Guthmann RA, Bang J, Nashelsky J. Combined oral contraceptives for mothers who are breastfeeding. American Family Physician. 2005 Oct 1;72(7):1303-4.

7) Hale, Thomas (2008). Medications and Mothers' Milk: A Manual of Lactational Pharmacology. (Hale's site also located here with information)

8) Aljazaf K, et. al. Pseudoephedrine: effects on milk production in women and estimation of infant exposure via breastmilk. British Journal of Clinical Pharmacology. 2003 Jul;56(1):18-24.

9) Susman VL, Katz JL. Weaning and depression: another postpartum complication. American Journal of Psychiatry. 1988 Apr;145(4):498-501.

10) Berkeley Parents Network: Depression and Weaning
 
11) Highton, Brylin. Weaning as a Natural Process. Leaven. December 2000-January 2001; 36(6):112-114.

12) Trad PV. The emergence of psychopathology in a previously adaptive mother-infant dyad. American Journal of Psychotherapy. 1990 Jan;44(1):95-106.

13) Bering, Jesse (2009) Breasts in Mourning: How Bottle-Feeding Mimics Child Loss in Mothers' Brains.

14) KellyMom: Combat Postpartum Depression without Medications 

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Model, Nell McAndrew, on NIP and Child-led Weaning

Popular model, television presenter, and fitness video instructor, Nell McAndrew, 35, says she is determined to let her son, Devon, self-wean in his own perfect timing. McAndrew recently told Caroline Jones why child-led weaning and nursing in public, are natural, normal, and the way she's electing to raise her son (below). Others have pointed out that McAndrew would likely not be getting as much positive attention for her natural weaning if she wasn't already a well-known, and well-liked celeb. It seems when the 'average' mom sticks up for a normal duration of human nursing, she is oft made to feel out of place in our baby-unfriendly culture. But I feel the more who speak up, the better - be they famous or not. So, thank you, Nell - on behalf of your son for giving him a natural, healthy start in life, and from the rest of us nursing toddlers in a frequently myth filled world.

Some of the mums at playgroup have told me they think it’s weird that I’m still breastfeeding my son Devon at two and a half. I get negative comments all the time, but that’s their problem. Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world – and it’s so good for my son that I don’t see any reason to stop.

I would never tell other women they have to breastfeed because it’s down to individual choice. And by the same token if a mum wants to carry on breastfeeding until their child is five, six or seven that that’s fine too. But because breastfeeding beyond about a year is still so taboo, people can make you feel very uncomfortable about it.

Now if people ask why I’m still breastfeeding I say, ‘Well why not?’ Instead of having to think up an explanation to satisfy them, I think they should give me some actual proof of why it’s a bad thing. They never can.

Anyway, if it was ‘wrong’ or ‘not natural’ to breastfeed toddlers, the body wouldn’t keep making milk. When you actually talk about it to other mums you find lots of women carry on breastfeeding for longer than a year. There’s nothing odd about it.

And it really annoys me when people complain about women breastfeeding in public. They should mind their own business – I just don’t see the problem. It’s such a normal, natural thing. I always drape muslin over my shoulder for some privacy, but have breastfed everywhere, on trains, cafes – anywhere. I’ve had a few dirty looks, but no one ever asked me to move.

It’s ironic when getting your breasts out in other areas is actively encouraged – something as an underwear model I’m well aware of! But I think of my breasts in a different way now – they used be a priority which is why I had a boob job at 23 to take me from a size 34B to 34D. Now they have a different function - to feed my baby - you suddenly realize that’s really what they’re there for!

Breastfeeding in public places should be welcomed. Cafes should go over and offer breastfeeding women a glass of water to welcome them – you get really thirsty when you breastfeed! And it makes good business sense. Outside of lunchtime, it’s mums who sit around together having coffees that bring good trade.

It would be great if women could feel more comfortable. And of course breastfeeding is the perfect credit crunch solution: it’s free! With all the financial problems now, if mums want to save money they should breastfeed.

For me it was a personal choice, and not something I was forced to do – and that’s important because when you’re a new mum the last thing you need is added pressure. My mum had four children and breastfed all of us, so I was keen to do the same. It wasn’t easy at first and after four days of trying, I was ready to give up. But my health visitor was great and showed me how to get Devon to latch on properly. Nobody had told me how painful it could be though – sore, cracked nipples were something I’d never thought about. You think ‘Is there no end to this, does it not get better?’ But it does once you get over the first couple of weeks.

I didn’t plan to still be feeding Devon now but it’s ended up being the best thing for us both. You read all the books, but at the end of the day it’s about what works for you. Plus, the longer I’ve breastfed him the more I’ve found out about the benefits and that’s made me want to carry on even longer.