Mother's Milk Cheese

by Danelle Frisbie

Chef Daniel Angerer's maple caramelized pumpkin encrusted mother's milk cheese with texurized concord grapes

I'll admit - the very first time I heard about mothers making cheese from their own milk I wasn't exactly turned onto the idea for myself. Of course, this was long before I was to have a child of my own and begin lactating for the first time. It was also in the midst of my early investigation into all things perfect about providing human milk to human babies (no matter their age) and the monumental benefits of using breastmilk in a variety of ways. At the time, I did not think making cheese with my own milk was something I would ever try. Even years later as I skimmed a breastmilk cheese article in Mothering Magazine (2007) I agreed with friends that it was maybe just a tad 'too much' for me - great for those extra crunchy types...but I wasn't there - yet.

Today, as the impassioned lactivist that I am, and fully equipped with more information on the benefits of human milk for humans vs. cow's milk for cows than I could have ever dreamed there to be, I am somewhat enamored with the idea of using one's own milk to make tasty treats (be they popsicles, yogurt, or cheese) for our little ones. After all, I would much rather my child eat something made from ingredients designed specifically for him, than from those made specifically (and entirely differently) for another mammal. I'm still not certain I have the talent for my cheese to turn out as well as Chef Daniel Angerer's (below) but who knows, maybe I'll give it a go and report back. For now, here are his tips, tales, and trade in case you'd like to try out a little mom's milk cheese manufacturing at your home. If you do - or if you have your own recipe that works even better - be sure to share in the comments below.

Chef Daniel Angerer's mother's milk cheese with beets and romaine

Chef Daniel Angerer's Mother's Milk Cheese Recipe:
(basic recipe using 8 cups of any milk - yields about ½ pound cheese)

2 cups mother’s milk
2 cups milk (just about any animal milk will work)
1½-teaspoon yogurt (must be active cultured yogurt)
1/8-tablet rennet (buy from supermarket, usually located in pudding section)
1 teaspoon sea salt such as Baline

1. Inoculate milks by heating (68 degree Fahrenheit) then introduce starter bacteria (active yogurt) then let stand for 6 – 8 hours at room temperature, 68ºF covered with a lid. Bacteria will grow in this way and convert milk sugar (lactose) to lactic acid. You can detect its presence by the tart/sour taste.

2. After inoculating the milk heat to 86 degrees Fahrenheit then add rennet (I use tablets which I dissolve in water) and stir throughout. Cover pot and don’t disturb for an hour until “clean break stage” is achieved, meaning with a clean spoon lift a small piece of curd out of the milk - if it is still soft and gel-like let pot stand for an hour longer. If curds “break clean” cut with a knife into a squares (cut inside the pot a ½-inch cube pattern).

3. Raise temperature slowly continuously stirring with a pastry spatula (this will prevent clumping of cut curd). This is what I call the “ricotta stage” if you like this kind of fresh cheese – here it is. For cheese with a little bit more of texture heat curds to 92 degree Fahrenheit - for soft curd cheese, or as high 102oF for very firm cheese. The heating of the curd makes all the difference in the consistency of the cheese. When heated the curd looks almost like scrambled eggs at this point (curd should be at bottom of pot in whey liquid).

4. Pour curd through a fine strainer (this will separate curd from whey) then transfer into a bowl and add salt and mix with a pastry spatula (this will prevent curd from spoiling). Whey can be drank - it is quite healthy and its protein is very efficiently absorbed into the blood stream making it a sought-after product in shakes for bodybuilders.

5. Give curd shape by lining a container with cheese cloth (allow any excess of cheese cloth to hang over edges of container). Transfer drained, warm curd in the cheese cloth lined container (I used a large plastic quart containers like a large Chinese take- out soup container and cut 4 holes in the bottom with the tip of my knife). Fold excess cheese cloth over top of cheese then weight curd down (with second container filled with water or such) then store in refrigerator (14 hours or so – put container into a second larger container – this will catch draining whey liquid).

6. Take pressed curd out of container (flip container upside-down then unwrap carefully not to damage structure of pressed curd). Rewrap pressed curd with new cheese cloth then age in refrigerator for several weeks (cheese will form a light brown skin around week two – this is normal). Age cheese longer for a more pronounced/sharper cheese flavor.

More from Daniel, including his additional tips for breastmilk cheese, here.

Chef Daniel Angerer's mother's milk cheese rolled in dehydrated porcini mushroom powder with burned onion chutney

Another very simple (but maybe not as tasty?) recipe from CheeseMaking.com

Place your milk into a bowl and add some rennet. Rennet is an animal derivative that contains an enzyme called rennin, which will cause the solids in the milk to clump. Drain off the excess liquid, and press together the solids. Voilà! You have cheese!

Formula For Disaster

Filipino mothers nurse their babies at the Fabella Memorial Hospital, a government-run children's hospital in Manila, Philippines (2008). This baby-friendly hospital does not allow the artificial feeding of newborns, but instead encourages and equips mothers with the tools for successful breastfeeding. For the infrequent mother/baby pair who have difficulties breastfeeding, immediate and unlimited access to the hospitals human milk bank is granted. Infant health outcomes for babies born at this hospital are monumentally better than for those born at non-baby-friendly locations.

This UNICEF (United Nations Children's Fund) documentary explores the impact that the artificial feeding of babies (specifically through formula companies marketing tactics) have on the health and wellbeing of children in impoverished nations. As a result of formula propaganda, fewer mothers naturally feed their children, causing in increase in illness, death, and economic detriment. Artificial feeding of human babies is truly a formula for disaster and is especially evident in undeveloped countries. Human health experts call this tragedy a health emergency.

We highly encourage you to watch this film - even if you've never given much thought to the way that formula marketing impacts the health of our world's children and the future of our nations.

For further research into this subject (including the ways that artificial baby feeding impacts the health and wellbeing of American children and society) see Gabrielle Palmer's excellent book, The Politics of Breastfeeding: When Breasts are Bad for Business, as well as Milk, Money and Madness: The Culture and Politics of Breastfeeding by Naomi Baumslag and Dia L. Michels. In addition to the UNICEF production below, Formula Fed American also looks to be a promising film.

Milk Drunk

Poem and image © 2010 Danelle Frisbie

middle of the night

he stirs, but no cry
and roots around for
comfort he knows is nearby

she rolls, turns, asleep
moving. instincts wild -
primal to a mother
at slumber with her child

he latches,
eyes yet closed,
and gulps in all her goodness
as baby dreams unfold

tummy fills up full
no muscles are spent
just blissful sweet release
and everyone's content

milk drunk on momma's love!
he falls fast and deep
rolls back over -butstilltouching-
and everyone's asleep.


~ danelle frisbie

We Came Barefoot, Naked and Covered in Bugs

From livNAKED.com, official blog of NakedPizza
posted with permission

If you have spent any time in the grocery store in the last year, you have no doubt noticed an explosion in products claiming “good source of fiber” or “50% of your daily fiber needs in one serving.” In fact, “contains fiber” appears to be slowly nudging aside the nutritional constants of “low fat” and “reduced calorie.” So what’s all the fuss about?

The rapid movement of fiber to the front of the nutritional line is being driven by a number of market and scientific forces, including important changes in how we define health and well being. For decades now, dietary fat has been the nutritional whipping boy, blamed for everything from obesity to heart disease and everything in between. A steady flow of clinical research, however, is showing us that not all fats are bad and that fat may not make us fat or even cause heart disease. As research mounts and marketing departments in food companies take notice, “low fat” as a lead health claim on many of our favorite products will slowly fade – or at least the font will get smaller. Though “fewer calories” will remain the titan of health claims for marketers, it, too, will be knocked down the what-makes-us-healthy ladder a notch or two.

The nutritional shuffling of key health claims in the grocery isle is part of a larger shift driven by ongoing scientific research behind the scenes that is repositioning fiber as a key nutrient to preventing disease – but not for reasons that most people think.

Much of what we have been taught about the health benefits of fiber – and much of what we read in popular diet books – is based on research from the 1970s through the early 1990s: fiber is nature’s broom, bulks the diet so we feel fuller, “moves things along” as they say, and so on. These mechanical aspects of the benefits of fiber then lead into the claims that fiber reduces your risk of heart disease, diabetes, some cancers, and if you eat judicious amounts, help you maintain a healthy weight…all true.

However, advances in medical science and our understanding of human biology has researchers rethinking the role of fiber in human health, moving it beyond a nutrient that once made the public and scientists alike yawn, to one that is front and center in some of the most exciting research into human health and disease. With all science, it will take years to trickle down to the general public. However, as the ever more frequent “eat more fiber” labels in your local grocery store reveal, food marketers are getting out in front of this fiber revolution as they are following the science and medical research very closely – always looking for an edge.

To understand the reemerging role of fiber in achieving optimal health and preventing or relief from diseases as diverse as cancer, heart disease, irritable bowel disease, obesity, osteoporosis, diabetes, and autism, we need to go back in time just far enough to remove the cultural noise of our so-called “modern society” to see the simple biological rules of nature that scientists are realizing form the foundation of human health.

Us, once upon a time

It’s a cool, damp morning. A young mother tosses back and forth on the ground of her family hut, experiencing familiar cramping indicating that her second child will soon be born. With contractions easing for the moment, she steps into the morning sun to tend a small fire and the morning needs of her family. After everyone has been taken care of, she unceremoniously slips out of her village of 20 or so huts scattered along the shore of the shallow lake and into the green trees and shrubs that mark the edge of her village.

With contractions coming closer together and shortened breath she squats and grasps the slender, but sturdy trunk of a tree for balance. Gritting her teeth and sweating profusely, she does not make a sound, not wanting to draw attention to her location. With a push the baby’s head appears, the face turned towards her rectum. All is going well. The pressure of the baby moving through the birth canal has forced the passing of several small bowel movements. With one final push the baby falls to the ground, the mother slightly breaking the fall with her one free hand. After catching her breath, she reaches down and turns over her new baby, who has landed face down in the dirt, excrement, and fluids from the birth. Everything went perfectly. It’s a girl.

In the sterile womb, the fetus was completely protected from the world she was about to enter – but not for long. While passing through the birth canal, this newest member of our species received the time-honored mouthful of lactobacillus bacteria from her mother in the same way that she had received them from her mother; the first of many inoculations from the microbial-dominated world she was about to enter. Once she is freed from the birth canal and gasping for air, millions of natures’ tiny little microbes clinging to the dust particles in the air fill her mouth and nostrils, and once she officially makes landfall on this earth, she is welcomed to the biosphere by billions of additional soil microbes as her moist body quickly sops up the parched soil and its microbial residents. This also includes a healthy dose of bacteria in the mother’s feces the baby landed on, as nearly 50 percent or more (dry weight) of her mother’s fecal matter is made up of bacteria that originated from the diverse ecosystem of her mother’s gut.

Within moments of birth, the child begins to nurse, thus receiving additional sources of bacteria, or at least their byproducts. In the weeks leading up to birth, microbes started appearing around the nipples of the swollen breasts. These bifidobacterium grew deep in the oxygen-poor chambers of the milk ducts during late pregnancy and moved to the surface as the first invisible drops of colostrum (first milk or immune milk) began appearing. While all bifidobacterium are anaerobic, meaning they are unable to survive in air, they live just long enough on or near the surface to secrete lactic acid and other antibiotic chemicals that help clear, in a “nature’s wet-wipe” sort of way, the soon-to-be suckled nipple of potentially nasty microbes such as Staphylococcus aureus.

Once the newborn begins to suckle, the lactic acid deposited on the nipple by the sacrificed bifidobacterium from the milk ducts meet up with the lactobacillus acquired from the mother’s birth canal in the mouth of the child. Together, they help select the hundreds of bacterial species that will soon inhabit the mouth of the child over the coming days and months. The growing colony of oral bacteria is further bolstered by the nursing infant as she probes her mother’s mouth with wandering fingers, returning the moist results to her own.

As mother and child rest under the small tree, shaded from the sun that has now risen to its late morning position overhead, they have successfully survived not just the complications of child birth through an ancient ritual that seems almost unimaginable to us today, but have completed a set of initial biological imperatives that have given the child a reasonable chance of living a healthy, long life. Without the evolutionary passing of microbes from mother to child our species would not resemble anything like us today. In fact, without them the baby would die within days.

This vaginal birth on the dirt floor of natures’ delivery room assures some organic control of the species of bacteria that will soon inhabit the baby’s body. In this natural setting, a first-come first-gets-to-stay rule applies. During the first few days, these bacteria will begin to populate every imaginable part of the baby – from her skin, hair, nasal passages, fluids around her eyes, vagina, and most importantly, her gastrointestinal tract, from mouth to anus. While this invisible alien invasion of microbes may appear horrifying, it’s all part of a fine-tuned, organic relationship that humans have worked out deep in our evolutionary past with the microbial world. Within a few weeks, there will be more microbial cells in her tiny body than human cells. According to nature’s plan, she will be more microbe than mammal.

As mother and child spend the next few hours getting know one another, the suckling baby enters the next phase in her development as a super-organism – a human hybrid of trillions of microbial genomes to her one.

Food for us and them

Previously germ free, her tiny gut is rapidly colonized by the initial inoculation of microbes from mother and nature. In the early hours and days following birth, different species of bacteria will compete for their place along the wall of her intestines, forming tightly held colonies called microfilms. But like the baby herself, they will soon need nutrients to survive and grow.

Almost immediately after being scooped into her mother’s arms, she begins to suckle. While nearly 90 percent of breast milk is water, the remaining 10 percent of solids is rich in life-giving protein, fat, vitamins, lactose, and some minerals – all the baby needs for normal growth and development. But for all its nutritional wonder, these are all more or less nutrients for the baby – quickly digested and absorbed in the upper intestines. What about nutrients for her new microbial hitchhikers, the vast majority of which have settled in the far reaches of her intestinal tract in the colon?

In order for nutrients to reach the very end of the intestinal tract and be available for the bacteria, they must escape digestion and absorption in the upper intestine. In other words, the baby’s gut is designed to capture and utilize as much of the nutrients passing through her stomach and small intestine as possible and it pays to be stingy, digesting and absorbing as much as possible. But some foods, due either to their physical or molecular structure, cannot be digested and absorbed, so move along the line to the colon. These undigested fractions of foods are known as fiber. And fiber, once it reaches the colon, is broken down and utilized by the resident bacteria for maintenance and growth. Simply stated: fiber is food for bacteria, and mother’s milk is loaded with it.

For our newborn girl, that first swallow of mother’s milk contained special oligosacchrides. “Oligo-,” derived from the Greek oligos, means “a few” and “sacchride” is of course sugar. Because of a special chemical structure, oligosacchrides cannot be digested and absorbed in the upper intestines, and are therefore not utilized by the baby for nutrition. Passed along the pipeline, these fibers end up in the colon, where billions – soon to be trillions – of bacteria break them down with special enzymes and utilize them as an energy source. Roughly translated, our newborn baby will consume between 5 to 10 grams a day of the special oligosacchride fiber, depending on how much she feeds.

So, through some ingenious human biology, breast milk not only delivers the necessary nutrient package for the development and growth of our newborn girl, but also provides the necessary fiber for the growth and maintenance of the trillions of bacteria that make up the other half of her human hybrid. This symbiotic relationship between host (baby girl) and bacteria is often referred to as commensal, literally meaning “at the table together.” The steady flow of fiber from the first sip of breast milk will result in the rapid growth of bifidobacterium within her developing gut. You may recognize this group of bacteria if you eat yogurt, as they are often added as probiotics to many popular foods. As the bifidobacterium grow in numbers, they will nudge out or suppress the growth of less desirable species.

The symbiotic relationship our newborn baby develops with her “first encounter” bacteria in the coming days and months will play a critical role in the development of her immune system and the actual development of the gut. What she does or does not do with and for her human hybrid over the coming weeks, months, and first years of her life will strongly influence her ability to fight infection and disease throughout life. But first, its time for the proud mother to introduce the village’s newest member to its hundred or so members and the thousands of species of bacteria that call it home as well.

A bugs life

As mother and baby settle into a weekly routine in the first few months, the day-to-day care of the new baby is mostly that of the mother, with some wet-nursing assistance from other young mothers. During those days when the new baby is not strapped to her mother’s back on gathering forays to dig for roots and tubers, or to gather berries, greens, and spear fish from the shallow waters of the lake, the baby is fussed-over by an aging grandmother whose main concern seems to be limiting the number of times the brother lifts and then drops the new baby while exploring the small village.

With each new encounter, the baby is exposed to the diversity of bacteria on and within the village and its inhabitants. Throughout her entire day, the baby ingests a steady stream of microbes as her curious fingers probe every corner of the village, from its dirt and rocks, to its people and pets, to the foreign objects her curious brother tries to get her to chew in a never ending “let’s see if my baby sister will eat this” game. And with each new encounter, her well-fed intestinal bacteria, which are by now dominated by bifidobacterium and other lactic acid bacteria, sort through the billions, often trillions, of foreign bacteria flowing through her system every day.

A majority of these foreign invaders are harmless and will pass through her system. Ever vigilant and protective of the warm, nutrient-rich environment deep within our new baby’s gut, her commensal bacteria continuously engage the mass of invaders as they move through her intestines down to the colon, looking for pathogens that might be interested in setting up shop and causing some harm. Through chemical communications between each other and the cells of her delicate intestinal wall, her commensal bacteria lower the pH (more acidic) of the intestinal environment, making life a little more difficult for invaders. Through sheer numbers, her natural defenders outcompete invaders for food and attachment sites on the wall of the intestines. As long as the pathogens stay in the center of the intestines (the lumen) and cannot attach to the delicate wall, they stand a pretty good chance of being swept from the system with any one of numerous bowel movements per day. If the acidic environment and the lack of nutrients and fleshy real estate aren’t enough of a deterrent, her commensal bacteria also excrete antimicrobial substances that make life a living hell for the invaders. This invisible germ warfare is played out every minute of every day from the moment she is born and will continue for the rest of her life. If her human hybrid is well nourished and functioning, she will remain happy and healthy.

Throughout the first year of life, much of her development as a human is hard-wired in her genes. However, because of the long history developed between her ancestors and the ancestors of the commensal bacteria in her gut, not everything is genetically preordained and aspects of her intestinal development require direct interaction with her microbial friends. In fact, so intertwined is our relationship with these microbial friends that they are collectively considered a metabolic organ, meaning an impact on them will have a direct impact on health and well-being in the same way impacting any other organ, such as the liver, heart, or pancreas will have undesired effects.

When you realize humans are biological organisms, like our microbial friends, trying to survive and thrive in an ever-changing and dynamic environment, it’s not hard to imagine that forming symbiotic relationships with other organisms is a successful strategy for survival. Even though our newborn girl was born with a complete immune system and gut, it is small and underdeveloped. Through some clever chemical signals, the commensal bacteria that attached to the wall of her intestines during the first few days following birth work with her immune system to develop some key systems that will teach her body to fight off unwanted pathogens, how and when to react to other invaders, and to develop the delicate mucosal layer lining the inside of her gastrointestinal tract. It is not an understatement to suggest she would not achieve the wonders of a fully functioning human body without experiencing this host-microbial interaction early in her development. However, as she moves from mother’s milk and the nutrients it provides to her human hybrid to solid foods, she will have to continue her end of the bargain in this symbiotic relationship.

Species gone wild

About halfway between her first and second birthday, our fast growing baby girl starts dabbling in soft foods. While full weaning is still a few years away, she’s slowly introduced to soft cakes of mashed foods of plants, animal meat, and fish, all gathered and hunted within the valley her family settled near the lakeshore. She will begin accompanying her mother on more and more foraging trips, sampling and tasting all the gathered berries, nuts, roots, tubers, insects, fruits, and leafy greens along the way. Everything she will eat will be minimally processed – raw in many cases – and as with everything else in her life up until this point, literally covered in dust, dirt and microbes. Even if prewashed in the shallow waters of the lakeshore, nature’s microbes will be clinging tightly to the leaves, skins, and roots of everything she eats.

While the slow weaning process has started to reduce the amount of important nutrients (fiber) to the commensal microbes in her gut, her gut bugs have hardly missed a meal as she starts consuming an increasing amount of fiber-rich plants. Like the fiber-like oligosacharides in breast milk, oligosacchrides are present in thousands of plants in nature. Onions, for example, contain large amounts of oligosacchrides. But in nature, fiber is as diverse as the plants they come from. While the physical and chemical diversity of plants and fiber in her valley is impressive, the fiber across all these plants share one basic characteristic: they cannot be broken down and digested in the stomach and small intestine, so they end up in the colon where waiting bacteria break them down to extract energy not only for themselves, but much-needed energy (calories) for their human host.

Like so many in her valley, our growing little human hybrid enjoys a rich diversity of plants and animals in her diet – foraged and hunted from a nutritional landscape that literally changed at a glacial pace. Though her valley will someday cultivate seeds and raise animals, these hallmarks of modern civilization are generations in the future. Archaeological research around the world suggests that she consumed an extraordinary diversity and quantity of plants and therefore maintained a well-fed population of commensal bacteria. One such glimpse into the diet of our ancient human hybrid ancestors can be found along the shores of the Sea of Galilee in modern-day Israel.

At this location, archaeologists have uncovered a remarkably well-preserved collection of plant remains from the archaeological site of Ohalo II. Buried in the oxygen-poor sediments for 23,000 years, a window into our nutritional past reveals a broad-spectrum diet that yielded a collection of >90,000 plant remains representing small grass seeds, cereals (emmer wheat, barley), acorns, almonds, raspberries, grapes, wild figs, pistachios, and various other fruits and berries. A stunning 142 different species of plants was identified, revealing the rich diversity of fiber sources that was consumed by the site inhabitants.

An ethnographic example of the diversity of plants and fiber consumed by pre-agricultural societies such as the one our baby girl was born into comes from Australia. Early travelers and missionaries in Australia noted in detailed records that Aborigines ate some 300 different species of fruit, 150 varieties of roots and tubers, and a dizzying number of nuts, seeds, and vegetables. A recent analysis by researchers at the University of Sydney of over 800 of these plant foods suggest the fiber intake was estimated between 80 to 130 grams a day – possibly more – depending on the contribution of plants to daily energy needs. Today, the average American consumes around 15 grams a day, from a very limited number of plants.

As time swept over her valley, our baby girl would become a mother herself, passing microbes to her offspring as her mother did with her. Carrying in their guts the key to our success as a species, our ancestors handed down to us one of the greatest symbiotic relationships the natural world has ever nurtured. As foraging gave way to the rise of domesticated crops and creation of massive politically controlled civilizations steeped in culture that punctuated the landscape, we slowly changed the rules between us and them. Today we find ourselves in a modern medical and nutritional world that seems hell bent on extracting ourselves from the natural world from which we, and our microbial friends, came. The culture and technology that pushes humanity forward has evolved so rapidly, that our genome and the delicate balance within our human hybrid cannot keep up or adapt. So freakish is our modern food supply, our commensal microbes barely recognize or realize the food for them in our daily meals.

This article is about our discordance between nature’s plan for the health and well being of not just us, but our entire human hybrid. We don’t need another diet book about us, we need a plan for “all” of us. This post is about “repositioning” and “reclaiming” fibers’ role in human health. It’s about what fiber is: food for our human hybrid. Continuing to neglect the health and nutritional requirements of our entire human hybrid will only assure our inflamed and leaky guts will continue to play an active role in the major diseases of our time – if not cause most of them directly.

To see where we have gotten off track and how we can restore balance and optimal health for our entire human hybrid, we need to visit another delivery room. But this time, circa 2010.

livNAKED friends. Please tell others.

For more on the importance of birth and the first primal years as they relate to life-long health and wellbeing, see Dr. Michel Odent's excellent book, Primal Health.

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The Morality of Circumcision According to the Catholic Church

Answer by Father John Dietzen, M.A., S.T.L.

Question:

What is the morality of circumcision? The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches that amputations and mutilations performed on innocent people without strictly therapeutic reasons are against the moral law.

Pope Pius XII taught that circumcision is morally permissible if it prevents a disease that cannot be countered any other way.

In spite of these and other church statements against circumcision through the centuries, I'm told there is no strict Catholic rule against the practice [of male genital mutilation] today. Why not? No medical or health association in the world recommends circumcision. (Ohio)


Answer:

I'm not sure why not, but the fact is male circumcision generally just doesn't appear very much on the "radar screen" of Catholic moral teaching. Many major moral theology texts don't mention it. A notable except is "Medical Ethics," by Father Edwin Healy SJ (Loyal University Press), who holds that since routine circumcisions are not medically defensible they are morally objectionable.

A few observations may help explain. The practice of circumcision arose thousands of years ago and nearly always has religious or social significance, signifying full membership in the group and establishing one's social position in the society.

The first command to the Jews, for example, was that every male child shed blood by "muwl" or "namal," symbolizing the covenant between God and Abraham (Gn 17).

After the famous confrontation between Paul and other leaders of the early church (Acts 15 and Galatians 2), Christians pretty much rejected circumcision for becoming a believer in Christ.

The idea didn't entirely die, however. The theory that circumcision still held some spiritual benefits even for Christians, prompted at least some of the condemnations you speak of. The Council of Vienne (1311), for example, decreed that Christians should not be lured into Judaism or be circumcised for any reason.

The following century, the Council of Florence (1438-1435) ordered "all who glory in the name of Christ not to practice circumcision either before or after baptism, since whether or not they place their hope in it, it cannot possibly be observed without loss of eternal salvation."

Today, while male circumcision remains common in some places, as a general practice it is forbidden in Catholic teaching for more basic reasons of respect for bodily integrity. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states, "Except when performed for strictly therapeutic medical reasons, directly intended amputations, mutilations and sterilizations performed on innocent persons are against moral law" (N. 2297).

Elective circumcision clearly violates that standard. It is an amputation and mutilation, and as you note, no medical group in the world defends it as having any therapeutic value. In 1999 the Council on Scientific Affairs of the American Medical Association stated that neonatal circumcision is nontherapeutic because no disease is present and no treatment is required.

Modern Catholic Church documents do not deal explicitly with the morality of elective circumcision. The above basic principles, however, clearly render it immoral. It violates the bodily integrity of infant male children and unnecessarily deprives them of a part of their body that serves to protect the glans (head) of the penis during infancy and serves an important sexual function for adults.

My understanding from physicians is that circumcision rarely, if ever, arises as an ethical consideration. Usually it is requested by the parents for more social reasons such as, "it's always been done in our family." In that case, the procedure might be carried out in some places rather routinely, even if it is not what the child needs and no medical or remedial reason renders it ethical.

Catholic and Christian parents created this tshirt - available at Made By Momma

For more on circumcision and the Catholic Church, see this site.

For more on circumcision and Christianity, see resources on this page.

For more on circumcision and Judaism, see resources on this page.

Father John James Dietzen, M.A., S.T.L., who is now retired from parish pastoral duties, has written a column for more than thirty years that is syndicated, distributed by the Catholic News Service, and carried in numerous Catholic publications across America.

Father Dietzen's background in the Catholic press, parish work, and in family life programs in and outside of his diocese qualify him for his role as "pastor in print." A native of Danville, Illinois, he studied at St. Bede College, Peru, Illinois, and at St. Mary of the Lake Seminary in Mundelein, Illinois, before his ordination to the priesthood for the Diocese of Peoria in June, 1954. He holds a Master of Arts degree in English, and Licentiate degree in Sacred Theology.

Father Dietzen's work as a priest includes 16 years as associate editor of The Catholic Post, weekly newspaper of the Peoria diocese, and service to the Catholic Press Association of the United States and Canada as secretary and member of the board of directors. In the same period, he was responsible for the Family Life programs in his diocese, and gave pre-marriage, marriage and family life education programs in many cities. He also conducted seminars on marriage for the armed forces in Alaska, Japan and the Philippine Islands, and gave retreats to high school students, men and women and married couples in many parts of the country.

In 1973, Father Dietzen elected to re-enter parish work full time. He served as pastor of St. Mark's Parish in Peoria for nine years, and in January, 1983, accepted a position as pastor of Holy Trinity Parish in Bloomington, Illinois, from which he has now retired. He has a background in radio broadcasting, and has been a popular radio guest on topic shows in Central Illinois, often appearing with clergy of other denominations in debates on timely subjects.

Father Dietzen began writing "The Question Box" column for The Catholic Post in 1975; it proved popular and was soon accepted by National Catholic News Service for nationwide publication.

Barbie's Birthday! But Not at Our House

by Danelle Frisbie © 2010

Image from BBC News

Barbie Millicent Roberts turns 51 years old today and she has yet to show any signs of aging (in stature or wisdom).

I'd venture to guess this is no new news to you -- but if Barbie's proportions were scaled up to a real life woman, we'd see quite frightening results. A 5'6" woman, for example, would need to have a 20-inch waist, a 27-inch bust, and 29-inch hips to match Barbie's proportions. If she kept her healthy 28-inch waist, she'd need to be 7'6" tall to match Barbie's dimensions.

Researchers at Finland's University Central Hospital in Helsinki reported that if Barbie were life size she would lack the minimum 17-22% body fat required for a woman to menstruate and be able to carry children.

A University of South Australia study released statistics that the likelihood of a woman having a body shape similar (but not necessarily identical) to Barbie is 1 in 100,000 -- so there may be some 'Barbie bodies' out there, but not many, and likely fewer still that have birthed babies into this world.

I grew up with a mother who was neither a self-proclaimed feminist, nor a door mat. She wasn't all that well-versed in cultural literacy, gender studies, and social sexism, but there were a few limitations in place at our home when I entered the world in the early 70s. One of them was a 'no Barbie dolls' clause. Surprisingly, I later found out this 'rule' was passed down from her father - an assertive Navy Captain turned engineer who lost his wife to cancer and was left to raise 3 daughters (and 4 sons) on his own in the 1950s.

Not only did my grandfather dislike baby dolls being left naked and 'unattended to,' but he did not care one bit for this new pseudo-woman known as Barbie. I occasionally wonder what my grandfather knew that caused him to take issue with Barbie... What were his reasons for this disdain? He passed away before I was mature enough to really ask him the hard questions, but I wonder if somewhere deep down, this tough man, who'd seen the whole world through war-stained eyes, had an intuitive sense of what little girls need, and don't need, growing up to be wise, confident, and self-assured women.


I never missed Barbie much throughout my childhood. We had far too many other adventures to keep us busy. There were dams to build and forts to construct and marshy wooded wonderlands to explore. Maybe it made a difference that my closest siblings were my brothers, and the neighborhood was filled with boys. Like it or not, life was rough and tumble and Barbie free. And I held my own quite well. I never felt different, or not one of them. Somehow I was unanimously named president of our 'group' -- one which I promptly named, The Bunny Foot Club, and the name remained unchallenged.

Our house today is still Barbieless, though her name was mentioned more than once throughout my Women's & Gender Studies courses in graduate school... It interests me, the ways that parents navigate these gendered waters of social construction within their children's play. And the fact that Barbie is still here - alive and well and still stirring up trouble 3 generations later - says something.

While I don't afford her the power to ultimately make or break a young girl's self-image, the sexualized culture of unrealistic (and unhealthy!) expectations that we push girls into - at ever more early ages - is in some ways propagated by our Barbie saturated world. I cannot help but hope there comes a day when I am able to walk into a store and not have the flashes of pink and plastic and flesh and sex defining all that is the girls' toy aisle from a hundred yards away. There must be more to our daughters' lives than this.

~~~~

Related Books:

Female Chauvinist Pigs

Reviving Ophelia

Girl Culture

Thin

Sexy So Soon

The Lolita Effect

Where the Girls Are: Growing Up Female with the Mass Media


Related Articles:

McBarbie: Selling Sex with a Side of Fries

Toxic Toy Story [Mothering.com]

No More Junk Toys: Rethinking Children's Gifts [Mothering.com]

Parenting Tip: Formalize a Mission Statement

by Jessica Vitalis,
author of Stop Pinching Your Sister! (Practical Parenting Tips Based on My Columbia MBA)
posted with author's permission



When Puppy received her first Barbie from a friend at her fifth birthday party, I felt conflicting emotions. On one hand, I was flooded with memories from my own childhood – the countless hours I spent dreaming of owning a Barbie, and the hundreds of hours I spent playing with my Barbie after I finally got one. But as a parent, and as a woman who struggled with an undiagnosed eating disorder as a teenager, I wasn’t quite as excited. It’s not that I’m inherently anti-Barbie, or that I blame her for my eating disorder. But I’m certainly aware of the messages children are flooded with regarding body image, and how these types of messages may have contributed to my own adolescent issues.

As we cleaned up after the party, I casually asked Puppy what she thought of the Barbie. Her response?

“I love it! But it does look like she needs to eat a cheeseburger!”

How, you might be wondering, did a five-year-old reach the conclusion that Barbie was malnourished?

It’s part of my Mission Statement. When I was pregnant with Puppy, I wrote her a letter. Among other things, the letter included a list of promises. These promises covered a variety of topics and represented a commitment to myself, as much as to Puppy, as to the type of parent I intended to become.

One of the promises? “To teach [Puppy] to love and respect [her] body.”

Having formally identified this issue as a core value, my husband and I made a commitment to include an awareness of healthy body images in our everyday parenting (in an age-appropriate manner, of course). The result? A five-year-old who was able to recognize that Barbie’s body isn’t normal.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but my letter was the corporate equivalent of a Mission Statement, or a long-term reason for being. Consider the following, from Coca-Cola: “Our Roadmap starts with our mission, which is enduring. It declares our purpose as a company and serves as the standard against which we weigh our actions and decisions.” Specifically, they list their mission as follows:

* To refresh the world…
* To inspire moments of optimism and happiness…
* To create value and make a difference.

Pretty heavy stuff for a company that sells beverages.

You, on the other hand, are responsible for shaping a human being. Dr. Srikumar S. Rao, author of the international bestseller Are You Ready to Succeed? and professor of Creativity and Personal Mastery at Columbia Business School, posts this comment on the bottom of his outgoing e-mails: “Most persons spend more time planning a vacation than crafting their life.”

Substitute “parenting” for “life,” and many of us would be guilty as charged.

For those of you who think developing a mission statement sounds like Mission Impossible, rest easy. I’m not suggesting that you write the next State of the Union or great American novel. Just that you take some time to formalize your values and priorities as a parent. If you have older children or teenagers, include them in the process – you might be surprised where this dialogue will take you!

In case you need some help getting your creative juices flowing, here are a few more of the promises I made in my “Mission Statement.” I promised:

* To offer Puppy unconditional love and support
* To let her find her own way and not make her follow the path I would choose for her
* To share with her the joys of life and teach her the value of laughter
* To protect her, always
* To share with her the value of education
* To teach her to love and respect her body
* To teach her to trust the energy of the universe

Now it’s your turn – good luck!



Jessica Vitalis resides in Madison, Wisconsin with her husband and two precocious daughters. Prior to obtaining her MBA at Columbia Business School, Jessica worked in film and television. When’s she not at boot camp, running marathons or changing diapers, Jessica can usually be found at her computer. In addition to working on numerous children’s picture books, she is currently finishing a memoir titled Ghosts of Children Present. For more from Jessica, visit her parenting site.

My Son is Circumcised and I Support the MGM Bill

By Katie Macon

Mother and Son clay sculpture by Anne Gregerson
Image by Hawkinson Photography

 

I'm a mother of a son who received an unwarranted genital reduction surgery. He was born healthy. But a doctor removed a sophisticated integral part of his penis (the prepuce) in the absence of a need.

There was no "consent" on either his part or mine.

During early labor a nurse solicited circumcision. My exact response to her was, "I don't think it is a good idea." She was silent.

Our birth was traumatic for both my son and I. After his delivery I was drugged. I was given Vicodin and my body could not tolerate it. The nurse gave me Demerol without allowing my body metabolize the Vicodin. Soon, I was 'seeing angels' - this is how far gone I was.

Not long after birth, as I was still making attempts to recover from a very difficult birth, a nurse brought my son back to me. She took off his diaper and said, "There you go!" I was simply horrified. "What did you do?! Cut off his penis?!" It was so raw and bloody. "Oh, that is normal," she replied without a pause.

My son's entire body was purple and swollen because he suffered circumcision-induced hypoxia. This means he was deprived of adequate oxygen supply - the result of screaming so hard for so long during the agonizing torture performed upon his sensitive newborn body. I am certain that even the 12+/- minutes of genital cutting via Plastibell surgery feels like an eternity for a newborn (not to mention the weeks of healing post-surgery). The exact time it takes for prepuce amputation varies greatly depending upon the doctor (or resident) performing a circumcision, as well as the surgical complications that arise during the procedure (hemorrhage, for example).

After his entrance into the world, and before circumcision, my son was a breastfeeding champ from minute one. However, after he was brought back to me bloody and blue, we had problems breastfeeding from them on.

My little baby boy would scream each time he urinated on his open fresh wound. He would cry out in agony as I changed his diaper and tried, as gently as I could, to remove feces from his raw, bloody penis.

This is no way to welcome a child into the world.

We switched doctors. I expressed how upset I was to our new physician and he said, "You know, circumcision is not medically necessary." My son's surgery wasn't necessary! From that point on, I could not stop researching the benefits of an intact penis.

I searched through my son's records for a "piece of paper" that gave anyone "permission" to amputate a healthy organ from his body. When I discovered there wasn't one I called the office of the doctor who performed the surgery. This doctor would not speak with me and had her nurse hang up on me. I called again and asked specifically why Dr. Anna Kowalska had done this to my son and why she did not inform my husband or I of any details pertaining to this medically unnecessary (and harmful) surgery. She replied, "We have a policy that states: 'Do not say anything unless the parents ask.'"

"But most parents have not been to medical school," I said, "And it is a doctor's responsibility to fully inform parents of ALL aspects of a medical procedure - especially surgery that removes an organ from their baby." She hung up on me again.

At the time, had the MGM Bill been in effect, my son would have been unquestionably granted his right to genital integrity and this would never have happened to him.

Instead, today he has meatal stenosis. This is a condition that effects 10%+ of circumcised boys and only circumcised boys. Meatal stenosis is the narrowing of the urethra. If left untreated, the urethra would fuse making urination impossible. This occurs because the urethra is not protected by the prepuce (foreskin) as it is meant to be. The glans (where the urethra is located) is designed to be an internal organ - not an external one. On an infant, the sphincter of the prepuce closes tightly after urination is complete, and only opens to void urine, protecting the meatus from any foreign pathogens in the process.

Because of what happened to my son I could never again attempt to deliver another baby in the hospital. My sweet boy was not protected. I have since delivered four more children in the safety of my own home. Each of my home birthed sons is intact. They have never - not once - had any problems with their complete genitalia.

Please, I urge you to concur with and support the MGM Bill. Boys deserve to be respected from birth, and their genital integrity must be protected without question.

AAFP Statement: Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy

The following is an excerpt from The American Academy of Family Physicians 2008 Position Paper on breastfeeding.

Note that breastfeeding at least until the second year of a child's life is not considered 'extended' breastfeeding. Rather, breastfeeding until the bare minimum age of 2 years is the norm and anything less brings about detrimental consequences. Human milk for growing human babies is expected (physiologically) by the baby's body in order to receive all that is needed (and only found in human milk) for this important period of rapid brain, body, and immune system development.

~~~~

As recommended by the World Health Organization (WHO), breastfeeding should ideally continue beyond infancy, but this is not the cultural norm in the United States and requires ongoing support and encouragement. (1)

It is estimated that the natural weaning age for humans is between two and seven years. (2)

Family physicians should be knowledgeable regarding the ongoing benefits to the child of extended breastfeeding, including continued immune protection, (3) better social adjustment, (4) and having a sustainable food source in times of emergency.

The longer women breastfeed, the greater the decrease in their risk of breast cancer. (5)

Mothers who have immigrated from cultures in which breastfeeding beyond infancy is routine should be encouraged to continue this tradition. There is no evidence that breastfeeding beyond infancy is ever harmful to mother or child.

Breastfeeding during a subsequent pregnancy is not unusual and poses no risks. If the pregnancy is normal, and the mother is healthy, breastfeeding during pregnancy is a woman's personal decision.

If the child is younger than two years, the child is at increased risk of illness if weaned.

Breastfeeding a nursing child after delivery of the next infant (tandem nursing) may help provide a smooth transition psychologically for the older child. (6)



References:

1) Scott JA, Landers MC, Hughes RM, Binns CW. Psychosocial factors associated with abandonment of breastfeeding prior to hospital discharge. J Hum Lact. 2001;17(1):24-30.

2) Powers NG, Slusser W. Breastfeeding update. 2: Clinical lactation management. Pediatr Rev. 1997;18(5):147-161

3) Dettwyler KA. A time to wean. In: Breastfeeding: Biocultural Perspectives. Stuart-Macadam P, Dettwyler KA, eds. New York, NY; Aldine De Gruyter, 1995:39-73.

4) Goldman AS, Goldblum RM, Garza C. Immunologic components in human milk during the second year of lactation. Acta Paediatr Scand. 1983;72(3):461-462.

5) Fergusson DM,Horwood LJ, Shannon FT. Breastfeeding and subsequent social adjustment in six- to eight-year-old children. J Child Psychol Psychiatr Allied Discip. 1987;28(3):378-386.

6) Lawrence RA, Lawrence RM. Breastfeeding: a guide for the medical professional. 6th ed. St. Louis: Mosby, 2005.


Review the full 2008 AAFP Position Paper on Breastfeeding here.

See also:

Natural Weaning

A Natural Age of Weaning

Natural Weaning (Breastfeeding Full Term) Benefits

Women's History Month: YOUR Story

Today is International Women's Day and this month is Women's History Month. In addition, approximately 85% of our readership is made up of women around the world. Therefore, we would like to honor you -- our mothers, sisters, daughters, grandmothers and great-grandmothers, partners, wives, friends and family -- by inviting you to submit your story about life as a woman. Men, your voices are equally welcome if you'd like to share about the women/woman in your life or their work and influence around you.

What does it mean to be a woman to you?

In what ways do you celebrate all that is 'womyn'?

How has mothering empowered you to achieve things greater than you ever thought possible?

How is your position unique?

What does it mean to mother daughters?

How do mothering and feminisms intersect in your life?

How did your mother impact you?

In what ways has your daughter influenced your life?

How do women inspire you?

Has their been a woman in your life, or in history, who has altered you forever?

What are your hopes, dreams, aspirations for women of the future?

If you could change one thing for women and girls everywhere, what would it be? Why? How might we take steps toward this goal?


The possibilities for reflection are endless. So we invite you to share a story, or thoughts, from your own life with us this month. Video submissions are also welcome.

We look forward to hearing from you!

peacefulparents@gmail.com

The Superior Choice

by Vanessa Reimer,
author of Pure Ness: What I Actually Think
posted with permission


Today I came across a comment about attachment parenting mothers having an attitude of superiority. This is not the first time I've heard this. It seems to be a common label given to those who practice this style of parenting. My response - Yep.

It's not that we think we are better than you, but simply that the methods we've chosen are better than the alternatives. That is why we chose them. Isn't that they way it's supposed to work? You research and compile and listen, and then you decide to do what sounds and feels like the best - the superior - thing for your baby.

So, yes, we think that what we do is better than what you do. Don't you think the same way? What mother says, "Yeah, this is definitely the poorer choice for my kid, but I'm going to do it anyway?"

Honestly, there are times when we simply cannot understand why you choose some things -- like cry-it-out or formula feeding. It just seems so clearly to be the lesser, or more harmful choice. It boggles my mind that some parents make the decisions they do, even when they are presented with evidence contrary to what they believe. It's like watching someone standing in front of a bin marked "Garbage" on one side, and "Recycling" on the other, and then proceed to throw their glass bottle into the garbage. Huh? I'm so confused. How did you decide that was the better or right choice?

I know that making the decision to attachment parent is a bit more challenging than moving your arm to the other slot on the bin, but often it's easier to do than not.

Bringing your baby into bed with you instead of listening to them cry for hours? Easier.

Whipping out a boob instead of getting up to prepare formula? Easier.

Throwing your baby in a carrier instead of lugging around a car seat? Easier.

Keeping your tiny newborn close to you instead of letting them be strapped to a board while a doctor cuts up his penis? Easier. Follow that with "wipe like a finger," instead of "protect with antibiotic ointment and watch for infection." Easier.

Letting your child wean themselves when the time is right instead of denying them the mother milk they want so much? Easier. (Okay, I know that some people will face quite a bit of flack and criticism on this one which can make it very hard to continue. But even the AAFP and WHO both recommend breastfeeding until a minimum of 2 years.)

I do know that there are exceptions to the rule - the baby that demands his own space to sleep, the mother who needs medication that keeps her from breastfeeding, but the good reasons to chose otherwise are the exceptions, not the norm.

I could go on and on about why the choices I make are the better choices, but that really would go on and on...and on. So suffice to say, "Yes, I believe my choices are better. Why else would I choose them?"

Adoption as a First Choice

By Faith Allen at Adoption.com
Photo ©2009 Joyhannah 

A young orphan takes a stroll with his 'Auntie,' Joyhannah, at Amani Baby Cottage in Jinja, Uganda, East Africa. 
He was recently adopted and now lives with his new family in the United States.

On my Adoption.com post, How Often do Adoptive Parents Get Pregnant?, a reader posted the following comment:

As someone who is CHOOSING to adopt (we already have a young bio son and no fertility issues), it drives me crazy when people say things like, “Watch, when you bring your kids home from Ethiopia, you’ll end up having another one of your own!” The assumptions people make are astounding. It’s sad that so many people see adoption as some sort of desperate second choice. – mominma

Mominma brings up an important point that many people miss: Not every hopeful adoptive couple tries to conceive a baby first.

I have a good friend who has adopted several times and never tried to conceive a baby. She and her husband decided from the very beginning that they wanted to grow their family through adoption, so they never knew whether or not they were fertile. Their fertility was irrelevant to them and their growing family. While this woman can empathize with adoptive mothers who grieve their infertility, she cannot personally relate because her fertility never mattered much to her.

I have another friend who also chose adoption as a first option. She and her husband elected to adopt a sibling group out of foster care. Not every adoptive couple has room in their life, or the physical space, to accommodate an adopted sibling group. As such, without couples like these, few birth siblings would have the opportunity to stay together in forever homes.

Not every couple has the desire to take care of a baby. Babies are hard work and take a great deal of parenting effort, especially in the first years of life. After potty-training my son, I can certainly appreciate a child who comes potty-trained! Many expecting women today who are pregnant find support in choosing adoption. 

Some couples also believe that there are already enough babies desperately in need of tender loving parents, and feel no need to 'make more'. Instead, they would rather provide a good home to a child who is already in need of one.

Still other couples come together later in life and do not desire to start a biological family in their forties or fifties. They would rather parent older children and participate in their activities while not having to worry about paying for college and retirement at the same time.

Some couples have hereditary issues that they do not want to pass along to biological children. For example, people with hemophilia may want to end the disease for good rather than risking its spread to another generation. Those with a family history of mental or physical illness may not wish to risk birthing a child who could inherit the disorder.

While some people view adoption as “second best,” this is simply not the case. A local social worker reminds her clients that because something is occasionally second choice for some, this does not make it second best. Adoption is simply a different way of growing your family and does not need to be compared or contrasted with other ways of growing families.

And for some people, adoption truly is a first choice.

Peaceful Parenting: Overcoming My Childhood Abuse

by Sharon (last name withheld at author's request)


In a haze I sit and I reflect. I revisit a place I struggle to deny and yet accept for every single day of my life.

My story is by no means new, or unique. The problem is that even though something like this happens much more often than we think or know, we don't read much about it in a positive light. Heck, we barely hear about those who struggle. So after much toiling, I ventured to share my piece, with parents, peaceful or not.

As a flamboyant and outgoing child, I hid a much darker side. For many years, I was the victim of incest and sexual abuse. It began before I could recollect, and lasted for much too long. As I go through my day and my life as a parent, I do my best not to remember or re-live those events - but my mind and thoughts do get the best of me every now and then.

My parents never knew anything about it, until I revealed it to them, and that fact makes a piece of me resent them. I love my parents deeply but, how does something like this go unnoticed? I also grew up with a father who drank a little more than he should have, and who had a tongue as sharp as a sword. His scornful critiques and demeaning names by which he called us at times exposed me to becoming just as sharp-tongued as him. My mother suffered from depression and anxiety during my childhood. As a child, I wasn't aware, nor was I told, what was going on, but I knew things weren't right with her. She slept a lot. She was nervous. She was on medication, and I was always told to take care of her.

As a result of the years of torment, as a teen I became sexually promiscuous. For some reason, up to a certain event, I managed to deny my past so well that when I heard of abuse and the like, I didn't even think of my own situation. I can't fathom how I did it, but, up to a certain age, it's as if I had forgotten I was abused. Those years were the best.

Then, it occurred. At the age of nearly 16, I was raped by one of my former abusers. I wasn't on birth control, and there was zero protection. That event shattered me. All the childhood abuse flooded my memories and came back to me as if I'd had an epiphany. One of my worst fears was being impregnated, and worse yet, contracting an STI or HIV.

I knew the person. Unfortunately I knew the person well. I knew his lifestyle and his habit of sleeping with a slew of women. I wanted to die. After a home pregnancy test confirmed I was NOT pregnant, my life went in a downward spiral. I fell into a deep depression. I started suffering from PTSD, panic attacks, and started automutilating. My parents took note of my dark moods and I hinted at seeing a child psychiatrist. After a few sessions I broke down in tears. I begged her to let me confide in her. She stopped me. She warned me that whatever I said to her, would have to be repeated to my parents. She killed me. Right then and there. I vowed to seek out help again once I was the age of consent. 18.

Years passed and my depression hit me in waves. I had some good times, but the bad memories hovered over me like a dark labyrinth of which I couldn't get out. At 18, keeping true to my promise, I looked up a psychiatrist I knew by name. He was the psychiatrist my mother saw for many, many years of my childhood. He knew my mother, he knew my genes, my genetic disposition and tendencies. Who better to go to?

I immediately gave him the whole story, in the most matter of factual manner. He was impressed, but at the same time disappointed. Why should an 18-year-old speak with such maturity and independence? He was well aware that my background made me precocious. I didn't have a choice really, but, to grow up. We worked together, and he put me on anti-depressants. I both loved and hated them. They made me sleep. Sleep well enough to dream. But, there was something about it that made me uneasy.

A few months after I started seeing this psychiatrist, I met and fell in love with a foreigner over a decade my senior. My extended family knew him well, and all I heard were positive things about him. I must say, I was completely inundated by his charm and was infatuated from the get-go. After just one month of dating and speaking about marriage and kids, I got pregnant. It was unplanned in the sense that, while we didn't willfully procreate, I wasn't on any birth control, nor were we using condoms. This choice turned out to be far more worse and shattering than the sexual abuse I suffered. There I was, a pregnant teenager in my parents home, from a man, whom really, I barely knew. From the moment we both saw those two little stripes on the pregnancy test, he looked at me with a never before seen shade of pale on his face, and asked "What are we going to do...?"

After the initial shock wore off, he and I sat down to have a heart to heart. He held my hand, looked me in the eyes and told me, "We can't keep it." Another moment in my life where I would have given anything I had for the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I broke down in tears and sobbed uncontrollably because even though our situation was precarious and unstable, I desperately hoped he would prove to be my "strong tower" that I could run to. I knew that this wasn't the best situation at all to bring a child into, but, how could I make this being pay for my mistake and for my carelessness? I told him I would think about it, and I did.

There I was, a person who, despite any religious upbringing, vehemently opposed abortion in any circumstance, contemplating and convincing myself my life would go back to normal, and maybe even be better, than if I did keep the child. Again, I broke down in tears, sobbing and asking myself how I could even think of such a thing! I foresaw my life and I knew had I gone through with it, I would live my life with not only my sexual abuse hanging over my head like a black cloud, but also having that unborn baby's would-be life stalking my every thought and move. I couldn't do it. Not out of fear, not out of irresponsibility, not out of negative consequences to come. I chose to keep my baby out of love and out of responsibility. I think that this was one of the most empowering decisions I have made so far as a woman today. But boy, oh boy, did that decision bring heart-ache, pain, and difficulty. However, being with my daughter today, and going through what we went through, makes any sacrifice I made for her worth it a million times over.

After rejecting the thought of aborting her, I sat my partner down and gave it to him straight. I told him that he was a grown man, and that he and myself made this child. I told him to stand on his own two feet and become a father. It was either shape up or ship out. It was as if an epiphany hit him. Yes. He would. Yes, he was sorry for even mentioning it. He made me vow to never mention the fact that he wanted our daughter aborted ever again.

After months went by, and our relationship unraveled, my depression took a turn for the worst. The pressure of having disappointed my parents and the stress of having to deal with my mother's constant critiques of my partner made my burden more difficult to bear. Not once did I question if I made the right decision to go ahead and have my baby. My partner's behavior became more and more distant and stoic as my pregnancy progressed. I chalked it up to the stress of the situation. He vowed to marry me, and I happily made arrangements for such. As months went by, and his lack of movement or motivation to marry me became apparent, I gave up all hopes of forming the family I've always yearned for.

It was towards the end of my pregnancy that he dealt the most death-dealing news - something NO pregnant woman wants to hear. He looked down and murmured the words, "I have another child. He was born a few weeks ago." My jaw dropped, my eyes got big - so big they would've looked huge on a cow. "E-E-Excuse me? Run that by me again?" To this day I am amazed that I didn't go into premature labor right then and there. As he drove me home, all my glassy eyes and foggy mind could think of was, "when will this crap ever end?" I spoke to him and begged for us to work on our relationship for our unborn child's sake. Of course I was irate with him and disgusted by his actions, but I did want my daughter to have a shot at growing up with her father. Ah, denial, my best friend.

As days turned into weeks, I came to find out that the same family of mine who spoke so highly of him, knew of his "other" child. They knew, and he knew that they knew. He had two women walking around pregnant, BOTH with his kids, at the same time. Hell, this woman knew about me too! I was infuriated. I was incapacitated. One of the first questions I asked him in the beginning of our relationship was if he had any kids. He constantly reassured me that he had none. The thing is that, he did have. Not born yet, but still completely his. He knew it. This child resulted from a one-night-stand with a former girlfriend of many years. I could have shot myself. What kind of sperm does he have? Impregnating a woman who allegedly was having issues with infertility after just ONE try, and then just a month and a half later, impregnating another woman after just ONE menstrual cycle. Incredible.

From the day he revealed that to me, a lot of things changed. First, my panic-disorder came back full swing. I'd wake up in the middle of the night, hyperventilating for nearly an hour. I couldn't breathe, my windpipe felt like it was shutting off. I went straight back to my psychiatrist and told him what was up. He prescribed a sedative but warned me not to use it right before birth. I never used it. I didn't trust that it wouldn't reach, and possibly harm, my baby.

One of the first things I told my partner, was that even though I HATE these "blended" families situations, I wouldn't ever encourage or accept it if he refused to care for his first son. I told him he's going to have to figure something out, but that this other baby is not to be faulted and thus neglected.

Throughout my pregnancy I'd dream of how my baby would look like, and to my dismay, when my partner showed me the picture of his newborn son, there she was, MY baby. The baby in my dreams. On a picture right in front of me. Born by another woman to MY partner. My blood boiled. I started to hate my partner. He never supported me or took care of us, and now he gave me THIS as a gift... This is when I started to take back my life and my choices. My partner slowly but surely started leaving the relationship emotionally. He refused to say, "I miss you" and when I asked him if he loved me he'd answer me that he doesn't feel it right now but that maybe in the future it might return.

I decided that my daughter would NOT carry his name. Good decision number 2. He was okay with this. I disguised it, and we agreed that she would keep mine for fear of her father being a foreigner which may have forced her to get a permit to stay in our country when she was older.

When our daughter was born, my partner was present. Secretly, I hoped that despite all the bad times we went through, seeing his child born, his first and only daughter, he would snap back to reality and love me again. You know what they say right? "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on..."

As predicted, 10 minutes after nearly 3 days of labor and the birth of our child, he left. In all my pictures of my family visiting me and my daughter at the hospital, he was no where in sight. After 5 days, he came over to my home (my parents home) at 10pm. I was up, in pain from my episiotomy, sleepy from being up with sore nipples from a bad latch breastfeeding my child, washing some of her clothes that she pooped up. I was irritated and didn't want to see him. My parents just wanted to close the house up and go to bed. Before he left, I politely but firmly told him that if he chose to visit, that he please do so at an earlier, more convenient time. He. Was. Mad. He didn't speak to me that whole weekend. Our child could have died and he wouldn't have known because he didn't answer any of my messages, emails, or phone calls. He barely supported us, financially or emotionally.

Even though I was shattered by his behavior, I reveled in my daughter. Breastfeeding was so painful in the beginning that I nearly gave up, but I was determined to persevere. A post-partum nurse helped me with my daughter's latch, corrected it, and everything healed. Breastfeeding went on to be one of the biggest influencing factors in my life course as the years went by and our breastfeeding relationship proved to be healing for me against my former trauma. I decided not to let myself be victimized and paralyzed by my partner's choices, and I vowed to always put the needs of my daughter above my own, and certainly above the needs of any transient partner.

My parents were a big support and even though I received some smack from my father about breastfeeding, I took it all in stride. Being single was no party, but it certainly felt good to sleep next to my baby without getting crap about it.

I didn't know much, or really anything, about attachment parenting back then, but my instincts certainly drew me to practice it. I nursed my daughter to sleep. I held her as much as my heart desired, and I met all of her needs which left no room for crying. This child was my glimmer of hope. I can surely say that if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't be who am I today. And I will always remind her of that. Her conception was unexpected and brought disappointment, but her birth brought hope and happiness. She definitely changed my whole family. Owning up to my mistakes was difficult, but my decision to raise her as best I could brought back joy in my family. A joy I never experienced before her. My parents basked in the satisfaction and happiness a baby brings, and not once questioned my decision to keep her. To this day, she is the apple of their eye, and even though I know I did what was right, my parents fully backed my choice and never brought the matter up again.

After about 3 months, I saw no progress in my relationship with my partner. I sat him down one afternoon and I looked him dead straight in the eyes. I asked him "Do you love me?" He answered with a reluctant, "No." I asked him another question, "Do you want to marry me?" Again he answered, "No." I said, fine. We're done. Enough is enough. As easy and quick as it came out, I bade him farewell. I took our daughter, walked up the steps and watched him leave. Surely enough, a few hours later, I got a phone call. Who else. My ex-partner. As easy as instant coffee, so was his 'remorse.' He nearly sobbed while telling me he loved me and swore to marry me. Who was he kidding?

After some months of sitting on the fence, I severed all ties from him. I forbade him to have any contact with our daughter and told him to have a nice life. I gave all his things back and we left. That day was one of the most liberating days of my life. I later wrote to him that, even though I was a young unwed mother, I would "walk out of my home with my daughter and no ring on my finger with my head held high knowing I left a detrimental relationship." Those words would echo through my mind ever since.

All the abuse I had experienced at the hands of men, I gave it back. I took back my autonomy and my self-respect. I had proved to myself that despite all the shame and worry I had about being a single mother, I stood on my own two feet and raised my daughter on my own so far. My baby was one of the happiest, giggliest babies I've ever known. I exclusively breastfed her for 6 months, and continued until after she turned one. Unfortunately, due to some mistakes on my behalf, she weaned much too soon, and I sorely miss that relationship we once had. I look forward to having that relationship again with a next baby.

A lot has happened since then. I married a wonderful man who loves my daughter. A man whom my daughter knows as daddy. Although her father has supervised visits with her whenever he expresses the desire for such, she doesn't have them regularly enough to remember him. With this, I am perfectly fine. Sometimes men make very poor decisions with regards to their offspring. Sometimes, some men change, and sometimes some don't. What I've learned is to look at actions and not at words. When my daughter's biological father starts manifesting love for his daughter, I will start believing he cares. And if he doesn't, well, my daughter is well cared for by me and her daddy. If she chooses to get to know her father better when she is much older, it will be her choice. I will neither encourage nor discourage it. He's been too much of a transient character in her life for me to want to willfully put her through that again.

Because of my wonderful breastfeeding relationship, I decided to become a Childbirth Educator and am a lay-breastfeeding counselor working on my Lactation Consultant Certification. I hope to open my own practice soon. I don't, and will never, encourage teen pregnancy. But I know that if a young girl chooses to put the interests and well-being of her child above her own, and care diligently for her baby, she can make her life a success and be a damn good mother. I chose to use my experience to help other young girls facing young motherhood and turn a less than ideal situation, into a good one. Heck, my life worked out that way. I have been blessed to meet so many strong and persistent women of all ages because of my affiliation with breastfeeding. I have helped and watched younger girls than I who are full-time breastfeeding moms AND finishing their schooling. I am convinced that all they need is support and positive examples.

Although my life has never been so bright as it is now, I still struggle with my past. It's not easy having to constantly re-live experiences you'd rather forget. It's much worse to be terrified to have my daughter go through the same thing. If there's one thing I have learned from my parents, it is to be aware of possibly dangerous situations. If something looks wrong, don't deny your instincts and continue as if it is nothing.

Sometimes it is not easy being a peaceful parent with a belligerent upbringing, but it certainly is possible. I look at all the negative traits that were unwittingly instilled in me because of how my father spoke to and raised us, and I have the perfect example of the attitude I DON'T want my daughter to grow up with. If we expose our children to anger, belligerence, and hate, how can we expect them to behave any differently? What we put into our children is what we'll get out. I know this.

So despite my childhood, I choose to be a peaceful parent. I make the conscious decision that whether my situation and circumstances are bad, or positive, I will always practice true peaceful parenting, because my daughter deserves no less.

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Peaceful Parenting Resources & Books

Breastfeeding Resources & Books

If you have a story to share - your journey to peaceful parenting, or your experience as a mother, as a woman, please let us know. We will be posting additional stories on women's lives and experiences for the duration of Women's History Month. Your voice is important.