peaceful parenting

The Perils of Piercing Guns

The reasons to allow individuals to choose body modifications for themselves as consenting adults, versus pushing them upon children as babies or minors are numerous. Human rights aside, piercing, tattooing, cutting, or altering the healthy body of a non-consenting minor child without medical need and benefit is not without pain and risk -- both immediately and long-term. Helen Houghton of Holier Than Thou, a piercing, tattooing, and body modification specialty venue in Manchester, UK, highlights one case in which these measures (the piercing of a little girl's ears as a young child) carried with it not only the immediate trauma this small child was put through, but the repercussions she faced going forward throughout her development -- even having doctors tell her they could "not help her" or that what she was experiencing was "normal." Houghton writes on Facebook:

Desiree is such a lovely person. She spent the last seventeen years of her life with these gross butterfly backs (pictured above) embedded in the back of her ears! A family member took her to have them pierced when she was three years old, against her will. It was so painful that she had to be taken back the next day to get the other side done. 😔 The blunt force trauma and poor design of the jewelry caused massive swelling and embedding. The front of the earrings were pulled out, but the backs were missing... fallen off, or so they thought. Instead they were trapped inside her ears, and have been festering there ever since. Doctors either said that the lumps were cartilage, or said because it was a "cosmetic issue" they would not be able to help her.

Desiree wants to get her ears pierced properly now that she is an adult and can make these choices for herself, so we were delighted to remove the awful foreign bodies for her, along with as much scarring from the gun piercings as possible. In a few months, her ears will be ready for healthy, happy piercings. 💜

She’s very kindly let us use these photos as an example and warning to others: GUN PIERCINGS ARE DANGEROUS. You cannot sterilise guns (meaning there is a very real risk of infection, including serious diseases like Hepatitis [that can and has killed babies].

In addition, the butterflies have nooks and crannies all over them, which trap body fluids and are very difficult to clean -- meaning the infection risk during healing is massive. The studs are made from poor quality mystery metal with an inferior finish, again meaning allergic reaction and infection risk is high. The studs aren’t long enough to allow for swelling (embedding happens easily), and because they’re blunt and are literally forced through the tissue, it is just blunt force trauma -- which is agony for a baby or child.

Anyone prepared to use a gun will be, respectfully, poorly educated on the topic. No reputable piercer would use a piercing gun, meaning they also likely have limited blood borne pathogen training, and again this puts the client (and any baby or child at the end of the piercing gun) at risk.

Guns also cannot be “aimed” accurately, so piercings are often wonky. FOR EVERY REASON please, please, please don’t ever let anyone near you or your loved ones with a piercing gun. 🙏

Find Holier Than Thou on Facebook
Website: Holier-Than-Thou.co.uk

Related Reading:

One Regret: http://www.DrMomma.org/2011/10/one-regret.html

Piercing Expert, Matt, on Ear Piercing Babies: http://www.DrMomma.org/2019/02/MattonPiercing.html

Peaceful Parenting Community: FB.com/groups/ExplorePeacefulParenting

Her body, her choice. Infant ear piercing is painful, risky, and has no benefits for any baby. Let's allow our children to choose body modifications when they are fully informed and able to consent to alterations made.

She is just as much your baby girl without body modification. Say NO to infant ear piercing.

Castor Oil Induction

Those last few weeks of pregnancy can be tough at times, especially with round ligament pain, difficulty breathing, pressure from family, friends and pushy practitioners, and so much more. At this time many women are tempted to get labor started on their own, as fast as we can, and look to any method that may allow us to meet our little ones sooner. Looking into 'natural induction methods,' castor oil is among one of the most commonly mentioned. However, this does not mean that it is safe, or without risk for both mom and baby.

Castor oil is a vegetable oil that comes from the castor plant and is best known as a laxative. As it enters the body, castor oil increases small intestinal secretions that stimulate the bowels, often causing intense diarrhea. Diarrhea results from the increase in prostaglandins from castor oil intake, that forces the small intestines to contract unnaturally. Extreme diarrhea is notorious for leading to dehydration, and in the case of a pregnant mother, dehydration can cause labor to occur when baby is not yet ready for the outside world -- leading to a host of other complications with baby's lungs, immune system, and increasing NICU stay needs.

Not only does excess diarrhea and intestinal contractions lead to dehydration for expecting mothers, but castor oil itself also decreases the body’s glucose absorption. This means that when a pregnant mother needs nourishment more than ever, her body is not able to absorb all the nutrients that she takes in, further complicating dehydration and electrolyte imbalance.

The second side effect of castor oil that many are not informed of is that just as it causes contractions of the small intestines to be irregular and unnatural, castor oil similarly impacts the uterus -- causing contractions of the uterus to be more intense, irregular, and unnatural for both mom and her baby. Coupled with dehydration, this leaves a birthing mother drained of energy when she needs it most - to birth her baby, and does not give her a normally functioning uterus in top capacity spurred only by natural birth hormones.

A third risk factor of castor oil is that just as it causes intestinal contractions for mom, so it can with baby. This means that there is a much greater chance baby will pass meconium while inside the uterus, which can lead to fetal distress, or even death. A study published in the Journal of Biology, Agriculture and Healthcare in 2014 stated that 18% of the women who took castor oil had meconium stained waters, verses only 6% of women who did not ingest castor oil. APGAR scores of all newborn babies induced through castor oil were also impacted negatively and significantly.

While it can be hard to wait for our little one to get here, take heart in knowing that baby has a lot to gain from growing inside those last few weeks and days. Normal human gestation periods range from 38 to 43 weeks, with 42 being the most common for first time mothers, and some women birthing naturally into their 43rd and 44th weeks. At 40+ weeks a mother is not overdue. Lung development is critical during these final weeks. Just as we see in animal husbandry and veterinary science, each extra day that a mammal grows on the inside results in a stronger, smarter, more healthy baby, and so it is true for humans. In fact, research suggests that it is a lung protein that is released by baby that tells mom's body baby is ready for the outside world, and labor begins. In the absence of other health complications (including dehydration, malnourishment, drug use, extreme stress, abuse, etc.) mothers birth their babies when they are truly ready to arrive earthside, and this is a good thing!

Veteran midwife and contributing editor of Midwifery Today, Gloria LeMay, writes:

On the subject of all the women in a hurry to get their babies born: I was 3 weeks ‘overdue’ with my oldest daughter. What really helped me was when I had lunch with a friend at about 8 months pregnancy. Her son had been born 6 months before. When she saw me walk into the restaurant, all hugely pregnant, she said, "Oh, Gloria, when I see you I miss my pregnancy so much." I knew that one day I’d be saying that too, so I made up my mind to enjoy it as long as possible, and I’m so glad I did! Six months from now you’ll be wondering what the rush was.

Plush Placenta available on Amazon

One final note begs attention here and that is the myth of the "aging placenta." This misconception is pushed upon mothers who reach 41+ weeks gestation, and it is completely bogus: your placenta will not all of a sudden stop working. This myth is not based in science, and is used to coerce and push artificial labor induction and c-sections upon women in a broken birth world that does not trust birth, or the woman and baby whose bodies know just what to do when left alone. In a fantastic review of research on the "Aging of the Placenta" published in the British Medical Journal, authors conclude:

A review of the available evidence indicates that the placenta does not undergo a true aging change during pregnancy. There is, in fact, no logical reason for believing that the placenta, which is a fetal organ, should age while the other fetal organs do not: the situation in which an individual organ ages within an organism that is not aged is one which does not occur in any biological system. The persisting belief in placental aging has been based on a confusion between morphological maturation and differentiation and aging, a failure to appreciate the functional resources of the organ, and an uncritical acceptance of the overly facile concept of “placental insufficiency” as a cause of increased perinatal mortality.

Relish in your little one's movements on the inside. Savor these last weeks talking, singing, walking, dancing with your baby snuggled safe within. Take photos. Take videos. Take long, soothing baths. And know that your baby will be born in his or her own perfect time. ♥

Related Reading

Fetal Lungs Protein Release Triggers Labor to Begin: DrMomma.org/2008/01/fetal-lungs-protein-release-triggers.html

Castor Oil Safety and Effectiveness on Labor Induction and Neonatal Outcome: https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Sahar_Abd_El-Gawad/publication/261437700_Castor_Oil_Safety_and_Effectiveness_on_Labour_Induction_and_Neonatal_Outcome/links/02e7e5344483cbda3f000000.pdf

Castor Oil Inductions - Gloria LeMay: http://wisewomanwayofbirth.com/castor-oil-inductions

The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth: https://amzn.to/2sRC1s5

Born in the USA: How a Broken Maternity System Must Be Fixed to Put Women and Children First (Dr. Marsden Wagner): https://amzn.to/2LLyOS6

Birth Reborn: What Childbirth Should Be (Dr. Michel Odent): https://amzn.to/2LGgoSC

Birth and Breastfeeding: Rediscovering the Needs of Women During Pregnancy and Childbirth (Dr. Michel Odent): https://amzn.to/2JL0by9

Length of human pregnancy and contributors to its natural variation: https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/28/10/2848/620772

Length of human pregnancies can vary naturally by as much as five weeks: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/08/130806203327.htm

Pregnant Pause: My Baby's Not 'Overdue': DrMomma.org/2014/02/pregnant-pause-my-babys-not-overdue.html

Fox H Aging of the placenta Archives of Disease in Childhood - Fetal and Neonatal Edition 1997;77:F171-F175.

Why Pregnancy Due Dates are Inaccurate: DrMomma.org/2009/09/why-pregnancy-due-dates-are-inaccurate.html

The Lie of the Estimated Due Date (EDD): DrMomma.org/2009/06/lie-of-estimated-due-date-edd-why-your.html

No Induction is 'Normal': DrMomma.org/2010/06/no-induction-is-normal.html

Trusting Birth: 43 Weeks of Faith: DrMomma.org/2013/09/trusting-birth-43-weeks-of-faith.html

Pregnant Moms Due [this year] Group: FB.com/groups/DueDateGroup (more mainstream)

Birthing Group: FB.com/groups/Birthing (more holistic)

The best teachers...

The best teachers have teeth marks on their tongues.

-Alfie Kohn

Don't sweat the small stuff. Alfie Kohn is the author of these helpful books, among others:

Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason: https://amzn.to/2HnjlJY

Beyond Discipline: From Compliance to Community: https://amzn.to/2qZGuHz

Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise, and Other Bribes: https://amzn.to/2JlqtmU

The Myth of the Spoiled Child: Coddled Kids, Helicopter Parents, and Other Phony Crises: https://amzn.to/2r1U7Gi

The Homework Myth: Why Our Kids Get Too Much of a Bad Thing: https://amzn.to/2HVNTQ0

BabySaving Moms!

Are you a BabySaving Mom? Have a special BabySaver in your life? We're honoring and celebrating all the BABYSAVING MOMS this week with a tip of the hat - we see you! We see the fruit of your work! We see the powerful, positive tidal wave of change that comes forth from the #i2 ripples you start. THANK YOU for being a part of Saving Our Sons ~ for speaking up with compassion, and saving babies. ❤

To be added, drop a photo to Saving Our Sons on Facebook, email SavingSons@gmail.com or post/tag at SOS.

You are a HERO in this work!

* Happy Mother's Day! *

We will draw three moms via Random.org from among submissions to win a $10 gift card good toward any SOS educational and awareness raising materials at Etsy.

2018 BabySaving Moms

❤ Anu

❤ Elana

❤ Missy

❤ Michelle

❤ Brittany

❤ Amanda

❤ Brandi

❤ Kristi

❤ Danelle

❤ Rachael

New to this topic? Learn more about the functions of the foreskin (an organ all mammals on earth are born having), and the benefits of keeping all babies intact: Should I Circumcise? The Pros and Cons

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MamAmor Birthing, Breastfeeding, Babywearing Dolls on Ellen!

The fantastic MamAmor birthing, breastfeeding, babywearing dolls will be on Ellen DeGeneres' show May 10, 2018, for a special Mother's Day episode! 💜 We're excited for this exposure for Adriana's beautiful creations, as they spark joy in every family's home who brings one in.

Ellen Show details: https://www.ellentube.com/episode/ellens-mother-day-show-with-jennifer-garner-kym-douglas.html

Peaceful Parenting families shopping for a MamAmor doll of your own get an amazing discount (90CAD / 70USD off plus free shipping!) with code: PEACEFULPARENTING at check-out. You can personalize your own doll (choose her hair, eyes, skin, outfit, whether she is a breastfeeding, babywearing, birthing, VBAC mom, etc.). 😊 Details: https://www.mamamordolls.com/collections/personalize

MamAmor Dolls have been normalizing birth and breastfeeding since 2007!

The most censored breastfeeding photo on Facebook

One of the most censored photos on Facebook displays a woman nursing her young baby. Titled "Holy Virgin" this photograph was taken by renowned Czech photographer, Sara Saudková, in 2003. This photo, along with many others Saudková shot in more recent years as part of an artistic protest against Facebook's removal of breastfeeding mother's photos, are rarely available for more than a day.

Breastfeeding: Anytime, Anywhere

Anytime. Anywhere.
You can stare, I don't care.
I'll feed my hungry child, here or there,
if you don't like my boob, I still don't care.
A Restaurant? A store? It's boob juice galore!
A theater? A museum?
But you're more focused on trying to see them!
Bottle or boob - it's all just food.
You still think I should cover?
You should run and tell your mother.
Pull out your phone and take a picture?
But I'm the one who's the problem?
Don't you wish we could all mind our business?
That would sure solve them!
Think I am disgusting? I could say the same?
Think I am playing an attention-seeking game?
You are wrong, because you see, really I am only worried about the comfort of my baby and me!

-Sincerely Whitney, the badass breastfeeder and her badass son, fueled by purely boob juice.

originally shared on Facebook here

The Breastfeeding Group

"Thank you for nursing in public, and abolishing lactiphobia one well fed baby at a time." -Danelle Day • T-shirts from Made By Momma

Dwayne The Rock Johnson: Skin-to-Skin Bonding with New Baby Girl

Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson writes:

Skin to skin. Our mana.

Blessed and proud to bring another strong girl into this world.

Tiana Gia Johnson came into this world like a force of nature and Mama Lauren Hashian labored and delivered like a true rockstar.

I was raised and surrounded by strong, loving women all my life, but after participating in baby Tia’s delivery, it’s hard to express the new level of love, respect and admiration I have for Lauren and all mamas and women out there.

Word to the wise gentlemen: it’s critical to be by your lady’s head when she’s delivering, being as supportive as you can... holding hands, holding legs, whatever you can do. But, if you really want to understand the single most powerful and primal moment life will ever offer - watch your child being born. It's a life changer, and the respect and admiration you have for a woman will forever be boundless.

And to my third and youngest daughter, Tiana Gia - like I did when your two older sisters, Simone Alexandra and Jasmine Lia were born, you have my word, I’ll love, protect, guide, and make ya laugh for the rest of my life.

Your crazy dad has many responsibilities and wears many hats in this big ol’ world, but being your dad will always be the one I’m most proud to wear. Oh, and one more thing... you’re gonna love rollin’ in daddy’s pick up truck.

Are you a boy or a girl?

Before heading out on our adventures for the day, my just-turned-four-year-old son found a sparkly, purple hair clip that he wanted to wear. My husband and I are not ones to deny our kids their self expression of all "beautiful things" solely based on their sex, so our son sported it proudly this afternoon at our local petting farm.

Later this evening at supper he filled us in:

"The kids asked if I was a boy or a girl."

"What did you tell them?" I asked.

"That I’m a human."

😂🤣 Right on, little dude. We laughed.

This ever-friendly tyke is always saying he is "going to play with those humans" while we are at the park (not identifying people based on perceived gender, age, size, or skin color — only by whether they are dogs or humans he wishes to play with 😉).

May we all LOVE a little bigger, and a little more broadly, this year.

Channeling Righteous Anger for Effective Baby Saving

It takes a lot of deep breaths, and stepping away after seeds are planted, but in the end we will save FAR more babies if we can rein in the blood-curdling passion so that it is channeled in an effective, rational, calm manner.

If the end goal is "SAVE ALL THE BABIES!!!!!" it must be done in a fashion that is very cautious, planned, purposeful, and professional and/or gentle (audience dependent, and audience aware).

Inside I am deeply outraged with every fiber of my being that newborn babies every day are sexually assaulted with a blade. I can viscerally feel their pain, knowing what it is like to be a survivor of similar horrors. It is one of the very reasons I began this work over 24 years ago. But if I spill this anger over onto everyone I meet, and come across as an intense, crazy person, then people tune out, turn away, shut down, and nothing beneficial comes of it all. This is how babies are lost.

The key is figuring out how to do the most good, for the most people, to save the most babies, and process our internal (righteous) anger and passion along the way. Humans do not respond well to negative aggression, but they do (more often than not) respond to positive empowerment.

-Danelle Day

Learn More: Should I Circumcise? The Pros and Cons

Above sticker available at Etsy for seed-planting in your area.

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5 Ways We Ignore Children's Agency That Perpetuate Rape Culture

An Everyday Feminism educational comic by Alli Kirkham

Children are told that adults are owed their attention and affection. When that idea is internalized, it can be difficult to accept that no one is owed physical contact or emotional energy.

Children are told not to argue with authority, and to accept commands without question. After growing up being told that you must respect authority for authority's sake, it is difficult to refuse requests from someone in a position of authority for your own sake.

Children are told that even physical attacks aren't a good enough reason to resort to violence -- as adults we aren't practiced at defending ourselves, but are told we're complicit in our own abuse if we cannot fight off an attacker.

Children are often told sex isn't something they should know about, talk about, or ask questions about. People who aren't educated about consent may have trouble reporting abuse because they feel they are at fault for the abuse.

Children are told they have to do things they don't want to do because of tradition or duty. As adults it can be difficult to break away from feelings of obligation tied up in tradition, so people continue to suffer rather than break these traditions. We can change the way we treat children...

Adults need to remember that children are people - human beings, too. Instead of raising children merely to be blindly obedient, we should focus on autonomy to work toward a better world for children and the adults they become. Consent is a skill that must be taught and learned consistently. As such, it makes no sense to raise children to ignore their own consent, and then be expected to flip it on like a switch as soon as they reach adulthood. Respecting the autonomy of children is vital to creating a world in which consent is respected for people of all ages.

An Everyday Feminism educational comic strip. Transcript
Read more from Kirkham

You're growing a person, not a problem

You are raising a human being with thoughts, needs, ideas, and a personality all their own.

They aren't perfect anymore than you are, and expecting perfection will only lead to conflict, not connection.

When they make mistakes, choose understanding - not anger.

When they make poor choices, choose guidance - not punishment.

When they challenge your authority, choose peace - not warfare.

Remember, you are growing a person, not a problem.

-L.R. Knost, Little Hearts Books

Peaceful Parenting Group

Peaceful Parenting info cards for sharing available at Etsy

Incorporating Nature into Playtime for Children

Incorporating Nature in Play

Incorporating Nature in Play by Wooden Toy Shop.

Words of Wisdom and Encouragement

"If for a while the harder you try, the harder it gets, take heart; so it has been with the best people who have ever lived." -Jeffrey R. Holland

Be brave, my heart. <3 Have courage, my soul.

If you feel you don't fit in, in this world, it's because you're here to build a better one.

"Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, 'You owe me.'

Look what happens with a love like that - it lights the whole sky." -Hafiz, The Gift

May you always see the light, even in the darkness.

Surround yourself with people who love you for being you.

May the voices that cheer you on, always be louder than those that don't.

Wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it.

Right is right, even if only YOU are doing it.

Today, a caterpillar. Tomorrow, a butterfly.

Don't lose hope. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

"Let them judge you. Let them misunderstand you. Let them gossip about you. Their opinions aren't your problem. You stay kind, committed to LOVE, and free in your authenticity. No matter what they do or say, don't you dare doubt your worth or the beauty of your truth. Just keep on SHINING like you do." -Scott Stabile

"Hate has caused a lot of problems in this world, but it has not solved one yet." -Maya Angelou

"The coolest people I've ever met have the most colorful pasts. They've lived lives of risk, made bad choices, learned lessons, explored, and they're not afraid of being real. Tattered tapestries woven of similar threads, they're my kind of people - my favorite shades of crazy." -Stephen L. Lizotte

Self-help

How to stop time: kiss.

How to travel in time: read.

How to escape time: music.

How to feel time: write.

How to release time: breathe.

What's the greatest lesson a woman should learn? That since Day One she's already had everything she needs within herself. It's the world that convinced her she did not. -Rupi Kaur