On Becoming Elderwise: Caring for Grandma God's Way

A Parody by Rachel Mills
shirts at Made By Momma

Babywise taught you infant management. Toddlerwise taught you toddler character development. You discovered how to ignore your innate mothering instincts and instead nurture your children "God's way."

And now, from the renowned expert in everything, comes On Becoming Elderwise: Caring for Grandma God's Way.

Elderwise Excerpt Examples of
"Caring for Grandma God's Way"

Daughter: Honey, Mom's crying again. Should I go see what she needs?
Son-in-Law: NO! She's just trying to manipulate us. Let her cry it out. She needs to learn to self-soothe.
Daughter: Are you sure?
Son-in-Law: You're letting your instincts to nurture take over. Do you want her to end up in jail someday?

Son: Mom, you didn't make it to the bathroom AGAIN. You need to clean this up - what do we say?
Mom: Right away, all the way, and with a happy heart!
Son: OK. I'm not asking twice.
Mom: Please don't spank me. Please?

Daughter-in-Law: Feels kinda silly sitting here on the couch like this, ignoring her. Shouldn't we, like, talk to her?
Son: She needs to learn that we are the primary relationship in this house.
Daughter-in-Law: She looks sad.
Son: She is NOT the center of the universe. She has to learn this.

Daughter: Mom, what are you doing?
Mom: I'm supposed to take these pills with food.
Daughter: Well, it's another [checks watch] hour and a half till your next scheduled feeding. How about if we watch some Golden Girls and get your mind off it?
Mom: But I feel faint.
Daughter: Come on, Mom. We can't have you getting off the schedule with this snacking.

Yes, Elderwise. The babies get back...


"What is done to children, they will do to society."
~ Karl Menninger


For more on Babywise, the Ezzos and Growing Kids God's Way methods see:


  1. HaHaHa! Well this made me laugh; but also made me cry.
    My sis and bro in-law subscribe to the Babywise way of parenting. I would love to post this on my Facebook, but won't for fear of causing family strife. I will however try to slowly bring this up to them in a more gentle manor.
    Their son, who is 8 months younger than my daughter, has an almost impossible time adjusting to any situation outside being at home with his schedule. He runs a fever, and throws up when any different schedule has to be used (aka; new baby sister or vacation). He has no coping skills even though they thought they were teaching him to self sooth.
    The proof is in the pudding as they say.

  2. This is great, Danelle! The past few years, I've thought more and more about how backwards the babywise mentality is. Additionally, not only is it backwards, the same type of rational behind is never applied to any other stage/age of life. This parody is a perfect example of it.

  3. This is great! I was at a new parents support group meeting the other day and I cringed when one of the mamas brought up Babywise. I wish I knew how to warn people about it without sounding too crazy/crunchy/AP, etc. Have any ideas?

  4. Amy - it is really easy to bring up because all you have to say is, "Did you know the AAP issued a warning against Babywise?" And give them links to good info on the subject and detriments (several are included above in this article at the bottom) and also be sure to give them alternatives -- "This worked so much better for us (or for so-and-so) and it is really baby-friendly"

    Here is the AAP warning: http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/babywise-linked-to-babies-dehydration.html

    (plus, just look at all the comments by other people who have tried Babywise and 'failed')

    Other alternatives would include "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" "The Baby Bond" "The Science of Parenting" "The Baby Book" "Why Love Matters" etc. I believe they are all linked here:


  5. I love this parody. It is bittersweet--most of my friends subscribe to Babywise, and despite my failed attempts at gently and kindly (but firmly and knowledgeably) bringing up the concerns with Babywise, none of my attempts have really "worked". I have actually lost a friend to a facebook issue/comment, if you can believe that! I have given them links from the AAP, Ezzo.Info.Net (great site on Ezzo concerns), etc. all from reputable sources, but for the most part, this hasn't been well received. I feel for anyone trying to present an argument against Babywise material. From my experience, Gary Ezzo is such a convincing and brainwashing liar of an author that once someone who's already in a vulnerable position reads it, they feel like they are "sinning" by doing anything other than his subscribed plan. I am a huge advocate for children and do my best on my blog to give resources on the side bar that will be more helpful and healthy as it relates to parenting/sleep issues. I would so love to repost this parody on my facebook or blog; gotta give that one some thought though, considering the history I have with some of my friends. Thanks again--I so appreciate this blog as it is well informed and often times extremely helpful. I wish you all more luck than I've had in gently conveying the truth of Babywise to your friends.

  6. As the parent of one young son as well as a live in caregiver for an elder, I found this very hard to read. I would never, ever be able to treat either of them in this fashion.

    It's a sad state of affairs when parents are so brainwashed into believing they are incapable of caring for their own childrn properly that they have to subscribe to this, or any, parenting doctrine.

    Pay more attention to your children than to a parenting guide, and trust your instincts. Your children will let you know what they need. And so will your elders, for that matter.

  7. Hahahasobhasobsobsob.

    I was raised AP until I was like, six. Then my parents met this "perfect" American family, who gave them Ezzo material. My sister and I thought the kids from the "perfect" family were rather mean. Unfriendly, anyway. Our parents didn't ask us.

    They started Ezzo, with all the "couch time," spanking-because-they-loved-us, and "may I appeal" stuff. It was dumb. Thought they didn't love me enough to stop and listen to what I was trying to say (apparently saying something made me, er, unobedient). Felt kinda worthless as a human being for a while after that.

    Dunno how sensible people fall for this idiotic philosophy so hard that they end up ignoring their brains and empathetic parts of their hearts.

    Obedience has a place (i.e. to God above any human), but I feel it should be taught with huge caveats.

    When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.
    -C.P. Snow

  8. I would never use Ezzo's methods after reading the books. The only reason my daughter has ever been on a schedule (a very flexible one) was because of me being in college since she was three months old (she is close to being 2). She has never been left to CIO and will never be. When I am home she is fed on a loose schedule along with our meals but if she's really hungry we have no problem changing things. Ezzo is simply stupid.

  9. It breaks my heart that this is supposedly how God wants us to treat our children. That is NOT the God I love and serve. So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12, that pretty much sums it up for me. So in that reality the way you treat your children is very much the way they may end up treating you. Ahh, the things people do in the name of God. It really all breaks my heart, not to mention His.

  10. To those wanting to reach out to friends and families, check out the Steph's Stuff tab at www.whynottrainachild.com
    She goes into the Biblical verses on the rod, and explains what they really meant. I used to follow the Pearls book, To Train Up A Child, and reading these articles is what turned me around.
    When you are talking to people entrenched in these cults, the ONLY way to reach them is with Biblical truths. Everything else will be seen as from the devil, and will fall on deaf ears.
    I hope this helps



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