Wednesday, September 14, 2011

On Guilt



No one can make any one else feel guilty. Guilt comes from within. You either feel it, or you don't. And actually, guilt is a very good thing! It causes us to re-evaluate our position - lets us know when we are no longer in line with our own principles, our core values. It tells us that something is off, and motivates us to change whatever it is we're doing. In other words, guilt makes us uncomfortable for very good reason!

Rather than blaming others for making us "feel guilty," we really need to look within ourselves for answers, and stop deflecting our own issues away from ourselves - stop projecting our issues onto others. We must be 100% accountable for our own feelings. We need to OWN them. Because they are no one else's but our own.

~ Emma Kwasnica,  founder Human Milk 4 Human Babies Global Network




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17 comments:

  1. I blogged on this topic: http://www.aias.ca/2011/08/you-literally-should-never-feel-guilty.html

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  2. when you feel guilty, you may regret as well ... there is no turning back ... what you can do is never do it again.

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  3. Beautifully put. This is also a very Buddhist or Tao way of thinking; that emotions are within us, not outside of us for other people to control. Guilt can lead to beautiful things, but I have also seen it do much damage. Thank you for the article.
    Zion
    www.mammasforvictory.blogspot.com

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  4. I've come to understand that to feel guilt, one must experience knowing of "an un-met obligation". This explanation relies on an individual assessment of obligation. Without the un-met obligation an individual has no reason to feel guilt. No person can make another feel guilty. Guilt is a choice based on un-met obligation.

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  5. sometimes we ARE owned by other people, being brought up as a child to fear and hate, but to love at the same time? Being moulded to fit into someone elses ideology of how you should act/ behave, and if you don't so so in the right way, you've hurt them? Well... I'm sorry but emotional manipulation goes a long way to making you feel guilty,esp as a very impressionable child... and it takes years to shake off...

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  6. And this is why I'll never punish my child to make him feel guilty. He needs to develop his own emotions and understanding of relationships. All I should offer is a model and guidance.

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  7. What is this statue? It's lovely.

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  8. I just love this. It makes so much sense to me. Thank you!

    Jenna
    momofmanyhats.blogspot.com

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  9. I must disagree here. Other people CAN make you feel guilty.

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  10. I truly LOVE this statement on guilt. Exactly my own thoughts! I have to check my on feeling sometimes when it came to feeling guilty when others told me they did not agree with my choices. When I make a choice, I stand for it. If it's no longer aligned with my values, then it's time to make a better choice. Often I do feel that "when we know better, we do better". But when it comes to the feelings of guilt, those are our OWN. No need to blame or lash out at others.

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  11. My thoughts exactly--no such things as imposed guilt--twas already present--an exterior event triggered it. No one can change you but you. Look inside instead of projecting.

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  12. "Remorse is unique in that one can feel remorse only for one’s own conduct, […]." (Thalberg, 1963, p.546)

    Subject matter of my master thesis!

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  13. So what do you do when you feel guilt for something you have no control over?

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  14. Re-evaluate WHY you are feeling guilt, and perhaps whether it is truly guilt, and not, say.... anger?

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  15. But maybe what Emma is saying is right. Maybe what you feel is not guilt but sadness, anger. I would be angry if I wanted to breastfeed my children but could not, and those that can, don't.

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  16. The greatest advice that my GP gave me was trust myself as a parent and always ask questions

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  17. I'm still not sure about guilt. I can understand your interpretation based on the context of this incident, but I have struggled with guilt my whole life (having been born into a large Catholic family). Guilt is an energetic entity that makes a home in your aura and preys upon your negativity, insecurities, and fear, perhaps similar to a cyst or a tumor in the physical world, and guilt festers and spreads its nasty little tentacles into your whole energetic being if you let it. When you base decisions on feelings of guilt, you actually hurt those around you. For example, if you permit someone to do something because you feel guilty setting a healthy limit with them, that is not helping them or you. When you spend money you don't have because you feel guilty for not bringing an expensive gift, you are not helping anyone either. Guilt is not the same as having a conscience or being lovingly conscious and aware. Having a conscience is positive and implies an elevation or lightness of awareness, complete with motivational impacts on the heart and behavior. Guilt is insidious. It's creepy and unwell, like a disease or a curse upon the heart and soul. I think there's a difference.

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