Let Him Be

A song adaptation to the tune of The Beatles' "Let it Be"


Let Him Be

When I find myself with circumcisers
Angry and confronting me,
I try speaking words of wisdom - let him be.
And when they speak their dark myths
While they're standing right in front of me
I try speaking words of wisdom - let him be.

Let him be, let him be.
I whisper words of wisdom - let him be.

And when the hard-hearted people
Take the time to try to see,
There's a simple answer - let him be.
For though they may be guarded,
There is still a chance that they'll agree
There's a simple answer - let him be.

Let him be, let him be,
Let him be, oh, let him be.
There's a simple answer - let him be.

And though their thoughts seem cloudy
There is still a light for all to see
Shine truth until tomorrow - let him be.
Please wake up to the sound of reason,
Mother, Father, come to see
And speak those words of wisdom - let him be.

Let him be, let him be.
There's a simple answer - let him be.
Let him be, let him be.
Yes, whisper words of wisdom, let him be...

~Sheila N. Vinson
 

Let Foreskin Be - Intact Maine

For more information, see books, websites and articles at:
Are You Fully Informed? The pros and cons of infant circumcision

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She's Not "High Needs" ~ She's Vivacious!

By Heather Minelli-Johnson

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines vivacious as "lively temper, conduct or spirit." 

I remember making my wish list of things before Julia was born. I wanted a Jumperoo - man those things are cool! It is a free standing jolly jumper with toys. I definitely needed a swing - Matthew spent hours in his swing and we could have a whole day of napping with him in the swing. It was wonderful…feed him, change him, put him in the swing and nap. Next, was an exersaucer. Matthew loved his and it entertained him for long periods of time. I needed floor playmats and lots of toys…Oh! And a bouncy chair and Bumbo. I wanted a three wheeled stroller because I loved walking the trails around our house. I thought all of these things would make my life easier and keep my baby occupied during the day so that I could go about my business as usual.

The first night with Julia was the hardest. She cried and cried for hours on end. I don’t know what went through Mike’s head that night, but I know I wondered what the hell we had got ourselves into. This was supposed to be easy…we had waited ten years for this moment. We were older, more mature and prepared for this baby. Why couldn’t we stop her from crying?

My doula came to visit us the next day and assured us that she would get easier to deal with around three months. I couldn’t imagine going through three months of no sleep. I was told that I needed to let her cry and that I couldn’t pick her up all the time. She just looked so little and vulnerable that I couldn’t imagine letting her cry it out. I tried the No Cry Sleep Solution at one point. For about five minutes and then I couldn’t handle it anymore. My husband told me once that we should just let her cry and that it would not hurt her. I told him that it would hurt her because she would lose trust in us. He tried a few more times to get me to let her cry, but eventually he gave up.

Julia needed to be held all the time and she would easily get bored in certain positions. She was not happy in the swing and would cry harder if you put her in there. Occasionally she would fall asleep in the swing, but not enough to make it worth keeping. She was "colicky" so I cut out dairy from my diet which helped quite a bit. But she still cried and needed to be held. She seemed to be sensitive to smells. She would cower from loud noises. She resisted being swaddled. She hated the bathtub and would cringe whenever I would carry her down the stairs - no matter the position I was carrying her in. She did not like being around people that were not her parents. Even at a few weeks old she had stranger anxiety. For the first time ever, my grandmother was not able to calm a baby. She hated all of her plastic toys. She would only spend a few minutes in her exersaucer before she was bored. To entertain her, I would spend hours on the floor every day playing with her, singing to her and just talking to her. I kept telling people that she was hypersensitive to life.

 Julia in our pouch sling getting ready for a nap

Eventually, I started using my sling. I had a hard time getting used to using it but I am happy that I remained persistent. Julia was so content in the sling. It did not matter how cranky she had been - as soon as she was in her sling, she was calm and quiet. Even the sounds that used to scare her didn’t when I wore her. She was comfortable going down the stairs and she interacted with other people. Currently, Julia is in the sling right before her morning nap where she falls asleep, before her afternoon nap where she falls asleep and often, before bedtime, where she also falls asleep. I also use my sling whenever I shop or go to church. I now own three slings; one pouch style and two ring slings (one for the house and one for the car). I would walk Julia in her awesome three wheeler stroller every day until she started to scream every time she went into it. We stopped walking because it was so miserable. And then I realized that I could take her for a walk while she was in her sling. We started to enjoy walks again and when she was up heart-to-heart at my eye level, I could talk with her about what she was seeing.

I remember the day when my cousin commented on the fact that I was going to have a very needy toddler because I was practicing attachment parenting. I had no idea what attachment parenting really was so I became worried that I was doing something wrong. I started reading Dr. Sears',  The Attachment Parenting Book, to learn more about the parenting style I was using with my daughter. What I learned was that I did not pick this style of parenting, but had it pushed upon me by my daughter. Was this a bad thing? No, not at all. I am so glad that I had the opportunity to have this type of parenting brought to my attention. I did not choose AP: I listened to my daughter and followed what she needed from me. If she had been an easy baby, it may have been simple to forget about her while she played with her exersaucer, or spent hours in her swing. I would not have had the opportunity to really learn about my daughter and her personality the way I have. We have such a strong bond from the hours of holding her in my arms and lying on the floor beside her. I would not exchange the time I put into our relationship for anything. Who cares that I did not do the dishes right away or didn’t get to watch my favorite show on TV. I may not be able to go out with my husband on a date right now - but she will need me like this for such a very short time in her life. This will not last forever, even though it may sometimes feel like it.

Looking back, I wish I had known what I know now. I did not need all those plastic toys. I needed a sling (or three), a lot of patience and understanding. The backyard was also great to have as it broke up the evening with our hour long discovery walks.

My high needs baby is now seven months old. Many things have changed and many have stayed the same. We still spend a lot of time in the sling, but now that she can crawl she is busy exploring her surroundings when she is not in the sling. It didn’t take her long to roll over, sit up and crawl - she had places to go and people to see! She still prefers sleeping in my bed with her hand on my arm to make sure I don’t go anywhere, but occasionally, she’ll give me a few hours sleep on my own. I no longer consider her a high needs baby; she just has a vivacious personality and I can’t wait to see the great things that she does in life!

I remember being asked a short time ago if she was "high needs" because she was a breastfed baby. I just answered no at the time, but I have since had a lot of time to really think about the answer. Julia is high needs because of her personality. I could have chosen to ignore her cues, let her cry it out, forced her to conform to my lifestyle, but it would have killed her spirit. She may have cried harder and I would have begun to resent her because she was such a "cranky baby." Or maybe at some point she would have given up crying, not because she was happy but because she no longer trusted me to take care of her needs - an example of learned helplessness. She wouldn’t be the amazing little girl that I see today.

Julia will never be that quiet little kid. She will always be loud and adventurous and curious. I do not mind being with her all the time, and I know that it is what she needs right now. I am not spoiling her; I am giving her what she needs at each step of the way. I will not be one of those moms who look back only to say that my baby was so much work, or that I will think twice before having any more kids because it was too hard. My daughter was a gift - "high needs" and all. I have learned so much from raising her and I have grown as a person and as a mom. I have become passionate about many things because of her high needs, breastfeeding, baby wearing, co-sleeping, natural products and wholesome foods. I will never resent the time and effort I have put into this little angel. I hope other parents can be encouraged from the experiences Julia and I have had - whether they have "high needs" babies or not. Because all babies will benefit from gentle, attached parenting.


Heather Minelli-Johnson is mom to three unique, beautiful children. She says, "I wish I knew then what I know now about raising children. I hope to share with parents what I have learned so that they don’t make the same mistakes that I did with my first two children." Read more from Heather at The Minelli-Johnson Family site.

If you have a baby others may deem "high needs," you may benefit from reading any of these excellent and helpful books:

The Fussy Baby Book
The Baby Bond
The Science of Parenting
Why Love Matters
The Continuum Concept
The Attachment Parenting Book
Our Babies, Ourselves
The Baby Sleep Book
Attachment Parenting
Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering
Natural Family Living




"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better."
~ Maya Angelou


~~~~ 

Neonatal Circumcision [A video for heathcare professionals]




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Preface: At Peaceful Parenting we work tirelessly to end all form of violence and aggression against ALL babies and children. We share professional informational items like those on this page so that eyes are opened to the realities of current infant care, development, and treatment. 


*******

This video was made last year "for healthcare professionals" by Sparks Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine in Sparks, NV. It is the circumcision surgery of newborn baby, Ben, in their clinic.

As you watch, note that the doctor states prepuce amputation is done for "cosmetic" reasons - not medical necessity. Yet he continues on to say that this surgery has been conducted in the same manner for 3,000 years. This is not true. [For more information see: Biblical Circumcision and related information on genital cutting pre-1900s North America.]

As Ben's mother is told that there are risks to circumcision, she covers her ears. The amputating physician tells her that complications from the operation are "very rare" and "knock on wood, we just don't see it." Untrue. A large number of infants who undergo circumcision surgery have post-op complications to one degree or another. And all have had the most sensitive, most erogenous, part of their penis removed forever.

As Ben starts to cry, the physician quickly asks, "Do you have any questions?" "Nope," replies Ben's mother, and the tape is stopped while Ben is strapped to the circumstraint board. When the tape begins again, the physician is satisfied that Ben's arms and legs are tied down tightly and explains that you must make sure a baby is "well restrained." Even a newborn will kick and roll and claw in a desperate attempt to avert a scalpel against his body. 

This is how surgery by Gomco clamp is performed.
These stills are shared solely for educational purposes.

The penis is rubbed with alcohol which serves two purposes - it kills bacteria immediately available on the surface of the penis pre-op, and it causes an erection in an infant which makes it easier for the physician to tear and cut the prepuce (foreskin) from the glans (penis head) as the two organs are otherwise tightly fused together (like your fingernail is to your finger). Anesthesia is injected into the penis (which does nothing to numb the dorsal nerve at the base of the penis). As he begins, the physician says, "Sorry, Buddy. This is the part that everyone hates..." and continues on.

Ben's cries may haunt you. They are the desperate, urgent, pleas to be rescued from the most horrific pain imaginable - the cutting off of one's genitals. They are not typical cries of a baby in need. Parents who have viewed their son's circumcision surgery will tell you that they've never heard a cry just like this.

If you have previously witnessed circumcision surgery, this may not be for you to watch. However, if you are considering circumcision for your baby (which, in the United States is the complete amputation of the prepuce organ and frequently the frenulum) please do watch. To make a research-based decision, parents must be fully informed about what circumcision surgery entails, including all aspects of the operation, the many important functions the foreskin serves in infancy and adulthood, and intact care as well.

There are many locations to go for learning more about circumcision. Available books and websites are included on this page, or to view additional surgeries (if one is not enough) search "circumcision" on YouTube. Although the majority of parents today keep their sons intact, we still find a percentage of those choosing circumcision without being well informed. In 2011, no parent should be birthing a child without being well versed in the subject ahead of time.

Baby looks back at his mom one last time before cutting begins.

Ben, before and after his prepuce is amputated:
(view video in full here)


Note (above) that it is readily obvious Ben has been subjected to forced retraction already at this point in life. As a neonate, his prepuce should be tightly fused to the end of his penis, and there should be no gaping, red area. The physician also tells Ben's mother that they have "already checked" further up on Ben's shaft (commonly, as far as he was able to retract the prepuce) to check for hypospadias. Absolutely no one should be retracting your baby, for any reason. But there is an epidemic of forced retraction in the United States that parents need to be aware of.


(Above) The physician has stimulated Ben, forcing an erection. This allows the prepuce to be torn easier, for the clamp or bell to be placed tightly, and for cutting to take place with a slightly reduced chance of accidental glans (head) amputation. Others have noted that this is truly the first time in a baby's life that sex (manual stimulation of the penis to cause an erection) and violence (the non-consential, painful cutting up of the penis) mix. The Gomco clamp is used on Ben. It is one of the two most commonly used circumcision clamps in the United States, the second being the Plastibell. There are some parents who are told that the Plastibell does not involve cutting. This is not true. The prepuce is still torn apart from the glans, the bell is placed on the raw glans, the prepuce is pulled up over the glans, a string (instead of metal clamp) is tied around the prepuce, and everything above the string is cut off. There is no such thing as a "blood free" or "knife free" circumcision surgery. To view a Plastibell circumcision and learn more see this page.


Ben may now face many weeks or months of "colic" (higher in babies who have endured severe pain in their post-partum days). He may show signs of infant PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) via increased episodes of fright, crying, terror, lapsing in and out of a semi-comatose state (increased drowsiness, sleep), decreased interest in eating, nursing complications, thrusting instead of suckling at his mother's breast, reflux, belly aches, and neurological changes. He is now at a heightened risk for failure to thrive and faces several weeks of post-op healing. He is more likely to face infection, meatal ulcers, post-op phimosis, fibrosis, and potential need for repeat surgery. Until his penis scars and calluses over, he faces the risk of hemorrhage, which, if it occurs, will hopefully be stopped via clamps, or heart failure and death can result. He may move his body differently than his intact peers as he grows, and will respond to vaccinations and other painful episodes with higher cortisol (stress hormone) spikes and a lower threshold for pain, even into adulthood. The odds are, unfortunately, not in his favor to walk away without any post-op complications.

The CDC reports that 68% of baby boys born in the United States in 2009 remained intact. Their parents said "no" to circumcision.

No national or international medical organization in the world recommends infant circumcision.





Additional Gomco Style Circumcision:


Project 365: A Year in Photos

By Danelle Frisbie © 2011


Project 365 example photos from pp readers' Minute in History 1-1-11 gallery

Our first son was born at the end of a 10-month long journaling expedition that I'd undertaken while pregnant. Prior to that time, I'd never recorded daily events online ala photo and blurb fashion, but the experience proved to be an enlightening one. To this day, it is compelling (albeit boring for others, I'm sure) to go back over my recorded details of that initial journey into motherhood.

Our birthing days ended in a manner I tried desperately to avoid, but my husband was gracious enough to pick up the first few days post-op and continue to detail, with daily pictures, our child's first moments earthside. On Day Four postpartum, he was shipped (what seemed to be) a million miles away - deployed to the other side of the globe. To make matters more strenuous on my new mommy heart, he was stuck on a submarine deep below the ocean's surface for the next four months. Life onboard a sub does not lend itself to family communication in any way whatsoever - there are no pictures, no videos, no phone calls, no mail. There may be the occasional text message (brief, simple, authority-screened, text only), but even these are few and far between and solely when "missions" are not in progress. Needless to say, I did not want my partner in parenting to miss out on the first four months of his first child's life. So I decided the moment he stepped on that plane, to continue the daily photo/journal we'd started.

Over the course of the next year, I took at least one photo of our son every single day, and also recorded at least one paragraph about what our day had held. There were many days I spilled out on the screen what my heart needed to say, others when I rejoiced in new accomplishments, or laughed at quirky baby games we'd played. Initially, the photo journal was public - but soon I learned new parents (especially those breaking 'rules' with their gentle ways) tend to upset some family members - so it became private. Just a dialog between myself, my husband, and our lived experiences. As trivial as it may sound, that "Project 365" now has a special place in our son's baby book collection... For me, it was both healing and inspiring. Motivating and refreshing - an outlet for expression, release, reflection and creativity. I haven't taken on another one-photo-a-day project since that time - but there are many others who have.

Somewhat a fad now, there are "365 Projects" popping up all over. And really, it is a fun way to go about learning -- discovering yourself, paying attention to the world around you, your own feelings, choices, life. I've met teachers who have used 365 Projects in their classroom, and parents who have documented the life and times of their little ones in one-photo-a-day format. I've interviewed a chef who used the project to highlight her venture into vegan eating, and an animal rescue worker who helped dogs find forever homes with her Project 365. The possibilities are endless - and you may just want to join in the fun for...well, fun!

So grab your camera - old or new, cell phone, snapshot, or professional - and start at a click a day. Or take on the project with your kids. Maybe each of them will want to rotate and snap a photo of their own - a family project of sorts. Or start printing/pasting away for a unique wallpaper in your classroom!

If you already have a photo from the past two days (New Year's Day and Jan 2) maybe you wish to start your Project 365 on 1-1-11. Otherwise, begin today and see where your 365 Project takes you... You may be surprised at what you'll get yourself into!




Taylor McKnight is one of many seasoned project creators (with a much better camera than I have!). He is co-founder of Podbop and put together this brief list of suggestions for Photojojo in 2005 after having a couple years of 365 projects under his belt. Two of McKnight's projects are linked below. He writes:
Why Do It?


Taking a photo a day is a big undertaking with big payoffs. Here are just a few reasons why you should consider doing it:


* Imagine being able to look back at any day of your year and recall what you did, who you met, what you learned… (Often we find it hard to remember what we did just yesterday or even last night, let alone a whole year ago!)


* Your year-long photo album will be an amazing way to document your travels and accomplishments, your haircuts and relationships. Time moves surprisingly fast.


* Taking a photo a day will make you a better photographer. Using your camera every day will help you learn its limits. You will get better at composing your shots, you’ll start to care about lighting, and you’ll become more creative with your photography when you’re forced to come up with something new every single day.


Six Tips on How to Do It


1. Bring Your Camera Everywhere
Yes, everywhere. Get in the habit. Grocery stores, restaurants, parties, work, and school. Going to a movie theatre? Snap a pic of the flick with your phone - there are photo-ops everywhere. If you have one of those tiny tiny cameras, you have no excuse not to have it in your pocket all the time. And if you don’t? Camera phones are a great substitute.


2. Make Posting Easy
You can install blog software like Movable Type or WordPress on your own site and create an entry for each photo, but for true ease of use, try a photo sharing site. Flickr will let you post a week’s worth of photos in 2 minutes flat, and fotolog and Photoblog.com are geared toward a photo-a-day workflow. Making it fast and easy means you’re much more likely to do it.


3. Vary Your Themes
Try to capture the day’s events in a single photo. Perform photographic experiments. Take a photo of someone new you meet, something you ate for the first time, or something you just learned how to do. Take a photo of something that made you smile. And don’t forget to take a photo of yourself at least once a month so you can remember how you’ve changed, too.


4. Tell a Story
Use your blog entry, or your photo description, to explain what’s going on in each day’s photograph. How good did that dinner taste? What made you want to take a photo of that stranger? It’ll help you remember down the road, and it gives friends following along a better appreciation of why you took the photo you did. You don’t need to write a lot, just enough to add some color.


5. Don’t Stop, No Matter What
This is perhaps the most important tip of all. You will get tired of taking a photo every single day. Some days, you will consider giving up. Don’t. The end result is worth the effort. Remind yourself why you wanted to do it in first place.


There will be times you’ll think there’s nothing interesting left to take a photo of, and times you’ll think you didn’t do anything exciting enough to take a photo of. There’s always a great photo to be made.


Get out of the house and take a walk. Or stay inside and look around. Take a photo of something important to you. Take a photo of the inside of your house so you can see how your taste has changed over the years. Take a photo of anything - just don’t stop.


It helps if you’ve told your friends about the project and asked them to follow along. Their encouragement will keep you going!


6. Post early, post often
Plan on going through and posting your photos at least once a week so you don’t get backlogged and feel overwhelmed. Ideally, post every day or two. Again, spend the time up front to make sure it’s quick and easy to post on whatever photosharing/album site you choose. It’ll make all the difference.


Related Information:

Flickr Project 365 Members Group for 2011

The Benefits of a 365 Project by Peter Carey

Hints & Tips for doing a 365 Project

Example: Project 365 Recap (2004) by Taylor McKnight

Example: Project 365 (2006) by Taylor McKnight

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Violated: A Baby Boy's Point of View

© 2011 Christina King,
King serves as a leader with Intact Iowa and Intact Des Moines




Born into a cold world, but settled into warm arms.

I snuggle at a nurturing breast and latch on.

Happy and content, I nurse and fall asleep...

Until the people in white coats come in for me.


Someone straps my legs and arms.

What are they doing? I want my mom!

I begin to whimper... Where could she be?

I'm uncomfortable - need to be held. Can't they see?


They strip me down bare. I'm now naked and cold.

I begin to wail. Everything's so out of control.

The doctor reaches toward me. For my mom, I'll be strong.

But his impersonal touch is somewhere private. And, oh, so very wrong.


The pain that soon follows is too much for me to bear.

Why is this happening, Mom? Don't you even care?

When I was first born, you called me perfect - why'd you lie?

Why aren't you here with me? Or comforting while I cry?


There is pulling and yanking and cutting and slicing.

It feels like each cell of my body they're splicing.

I scream until my voice is raw. I cry 'til tears come no more.

Red liquid is pouring from me. Blood. It pools upon the floor.


I hear the doctor say, "The circumcision's a success!"

He tells the nurse to take me back to mom so I may rest.

I don't know what that big word means, but something's surely changed.

I've got a feeling after this my body'll never be the same.


I'm back in Mom's arms again, but no longer are they safe.

She tries to nurse me at her breast, but I no longer want this place.

Circumcision: this horrible procedure that some will still condone...

I should feel safe and secure and loved - but all I feel is alone.


~~~~

For prepuce (foreskin), intact care and circumcision information and resources see:
Are You Fully Informed?

"I believe the time has come to acknowledge that the practice of routine circumcision rests on the absurd premise that the only mammal in creation born in the condition that requires immediate surgical correction is the human male." ~Thomas Szasz, M.D.
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Medical Congress on Children's Pain: A Report from the Field

By Nicolas Maubert 
Read in French here; Translated to English for DrMomma.org
[Note: Although circumcision is uncommon in France, there are still those who cut children for religious justification.]




We recently held a conference in Paris, France, The Pain of Circumcision: What to Do?, which was a part of the Medical Congress on Children's Pain and organized by Pediatol.

Dr. Daniel Annequin led the conference and indicated that while the topic is a controversial one, we were gathered to discuss the subject of circumcision pain, not the ethical issues that the actual surgery draws up. A program was given to all participants that read, “This literature review deals only with the management of circumcision pain and does not enter into the controversial and pressing subject of neonatal circumcision in particular."

When the question was raised that circumcision is often performed for religious reasons, Annequin quickly dismissed the question with, "We have nothing to say." In this case, why do we “have something to say” something about female circumcision, which is also commonly performed for religious justifications?

I will not detail the course of the entire conference here (several slides below), which focused solely on the pain aspect of genital cutting and ways to respond. But, it is of significance that Dr. Annequin showed images of infants screaming in pain while they were being circumcised, as well as a lot of horrible “tools” of the circumcision trade (including a seat used in U.S. hospitals in which a baby is literally tied up so he cannot move, while his legs are forced apart and the foreskin is amputated). It is possible that merely through the display of these images, those in the Medical Congress were made aware of the horrors of this practice (regularly conducted on U.S. soil).


 


 

Another significant aspect of the Congress report which caught be my surprise is when Annequin compared human babies to lab animals. "Our children are less well protected than even laboratory animals," he said. And then continued, "It is a paradoxical situation: we've never performed circumcision on other mammals or practiced the surgery on an unanesthetized animal. We've never even considered such research in the lab."


This gives us reason to pause and think about the truth of such things...

After his comparison, questions were taken from physicians in the audience. Dr. Michel Cymes, the medical host of a show on France 5, was there to lead questions and respond.


Like Dr. Annequin, Dr. Cymes reminded the Medical Congress that this is a sensitive issue, but we were gathered to discuss the subject of circumcision pain - not to speak upon the ethical issues of male genital cutting.

At this point, I decided to change my question to the Congress, because I was prepared to ask:
I would like to know what the position of the French medical profession is on the serious ethical problem of circumcision? One which is a violation of the basic human right to bodily integrity and the right of the child. Dutch medicine unanimously came down against circumcision on May 27, 2010. What is the position statement of France?
But with the insistence that we did not bring up ethical concerns, I chose instead to focus on the importance of the prepuce (foreskin).
Do you believe that the minimum we should do as medical professionals is to inform parents of the many functions of the foreskin? An organ which plays an essential role in the sexuality of men?
I could have added research citations to clarify that the foreskin is an organ richly endowed with both outer and inner sub-sections, but at the moment this is all I could pose.

The question was genuine - no information highlights the foreskin and its many purposes. It is clear (as we've witnessed when parents become informed) that the rate of infant circumcision would fall if parents were accurately and adequately educated on the prepuce.

Dr. Cymes answered me in two stages. My audio recording of his response is not the most clear, but essentially he replied:

- First by minimizing and joking about my question. He said that while the foreskin does play an important role in male sexuality, those who are circumcised are probably not "insensitive." It is impossible to adequately translate into English the meaning of his laughable response, but it was understood clearly in French and garnered a chuckle and applause from some in the audience.

So yes, we recognize that men who were circumcised as infants have not lost 100% of their sensation, but is this justification to continue taking the same from future men? If we follow this reasoning, we may as well begin tomorrow to re-instate female circumcision. After all, we do not amputate the entire clitoris (most of which is an internal organ) - circumcised women still have sexual pleasure and sensation as well! The majority of women who were circumcised as infants or children continue to have sexual function, and experience orgasm, to the same degree as their intact peers.

This is likely the way I should have responded, but I was in shock at his reply and unable to react properly and professionally - feeling helpless, really.

- In a second response, Dr. Cymes cited the African HIV/circumcision trials and proposed that male circumcision may reduce HIV transmission. Of course, we know that more recent studies demonstrate that those same areas in Africa where men were circumcised are those that have seen an increase in HIV infection. Circumcised men (believing they are 'protected') start having sex without condoms. Cymes did note that circumcised men "should not believe themselves to be protected from HIV" only moments after he mentioned the trials and their asserted outcomes. It is not difficult to understand: condoms alone protect against AIDS - not circumcision!

Interestingly, if medical societies around the world bought into the claims made by those African trials, the the rest of the globe would advocate for adult male circumcision. Yet the Dutch and the French and all other national health organizations do not favor the practice. Why is it only in Africa that we deem circumcision to be a "good thing?" It seems to be an easy way out: instead of providing condoms to African peoples, we prefer to tell them to cut off a part of their genitals! What a deep contempt for Africa we must have...

And this is what I wished to answer with. But I could not find the words to do so... I just mumbled, "These studies are contradictory." Cymes interrupted and said no, the trials were accurate, and I could not add any more.  My question was bypassed, and obviously there was no willingness to inform parents on the prepuce and its functions. (I wonder, how would women react if we laughed at their sexuality, their whole genitals, at a medical conference, and claimed they were not important - and could be removed without significant implication?)

Cymes at this point demanded again that questions be posed only "about the pain" of circumcision - making it clear that questions like mine had no place at the conference.

As we concluded, I stood at the podium to speak with them both, but Cymes quickly left the room. Annequin and I discussed the recent study finding a reduced sensitivity for men who were circumcised. He seemed to agree, stating, "Yes, when parents are informed [on the functions of the foreskin] just as we have witnessed among some groups of parents in the U.S. - rates decline."

Annequin still appeared a bit embarrassed and I do not know if he could express precisely what he thought among peers in this room, but truly he seemed to be a professional against circumcision. I intend to re-contact him by mail.

I spoke with another attendee - a nurse - who agreed that there is a fundamental human rights/ethical issue posed by circumcision and that it is key for us to inform both parents and practitioners on the foreskin and its functions.

In the end, I am disappointed with my "contribution" to this conference, and the way in which the subject was dealt with. It was a Medical Congress devoted to children's pain, yet clearly we were not allowed to engage in the ethical dilemma of the cause of this pain!

At future conferences, I hope to be better prepared to respond appropriately to physicians who are still too cowardly to condemn the male genital mutilation that occurs annually to millions, most of whom are born on U.S. soil, and cut before they ever have the opportunity to realize what was taken from them.


~~~~

The Road Less Traveled

By Danelle Frisbie © 2011

My son and I went hiking this evening in a wooded area we've not visited since he was just a little tyke (read: light enough to wear in the Moby) and as we stomped through the quickly melting snow I couldn't help but notice the diverged path ahead and think back to a time, long in my past, when memorized words described what lay before us. Maybe it was the crisp winter air calling me to a childhood time long gone. Maybe it was the reflective nature of New Years Eve. But either way, I couldn't help but think back to the very first poem I'd memorized as an elementary school student.

We were homeschooled at the time - something very few others were doing in the early 1980s. And as dorky as it may sound to some kids today, we eagerly dug through my father's poetry books to select a poem for the speech competition at our local school each year. They let us 'unsocialized' kids in to participate, and we often walked away with ribbons in tow. There are many poems I've long forgotten - and many more that I composed myself throughout the duration of my school years. But one I will never forget is that very first one - by Robert Frost - selected with the gentle guidance of my father.

Little did I know, that nearly three decades later, many of the words of Frost's The Road Not Taken would mean so much, and so many things different, to me. One of the joys in poetry is figuring out the author's interpretation - her meaning behind her words. (In this case Frost said his poem and its meaning were "very tricky" and not what most people read it to be.) But another joy is reconstructing poetry metaphorically to fit your own needs at your present place in life. As a traveler, I stood long before my parenting journey began and looked down two roads. I explored them best I could. Peered through to the distance to see if I might catch a glimpse of what lay at the end of them each. In the midst of a confused, and often hostile U.S. subculture of parenting, it is easy to be fooled into taking a path that, step by step, catapults a parent into destruction - of themselves and their little ones. Thankfully, through some miraculous intervention of divinity or nature, I found what I was looking for - a clue to which parenting path to trod.

It began many years before I was to even birth my first baby, but I found it. It was primal. It was peaceful. It was innate. It was sure. And it felt, oh, so right. 

Prior to this, I never actually wanted to be a parent. Analyze it, yes. Study it. Actually do it - not so much. I would finish my degree(s), build my career, and help others along the way. But I'd leave the down-and-dirty work of experience - the real mothering - to someone else. I was fearful. Scared to death of taking the wrong path and ending up like everyone else around me - those who'd obviously been hurt, deeply, somewhere along the way. I didn't want that. I did not wish to mess up another child. And I wasn't sure that there was really anything that could be done to avoid it all - until this less traveled path became visible.

I've heard women say that they never really wanted to mother children, until they discovered how naturally, normally, innately it could be done. I've listened to men who wrestled for years with this fear of fatherhood, until they started tuning into their instincts to protect, to love, and just go with the primal rhythms that babies are born with: To break the cycle of destruction, and dis-attached parenting, and really parent from the heart.

Truly, over the course of human history, peaceful parents are walking the path that is heavily and heartily worn down before us. Until the present day, and even now, except but in a few (unfriendly) cultures, babies and children are typically raised with the utmost gentle care and primal parenting. But sometimes in the midst of the Parenting magazines, Baby Story episodes, uninformed family and unsupportive friends, marketing gurus and professionals out to make a quick buck off moms, and What to Expect lining our bookshelves, we lose sight of truth, and all that really matters. It is in these times we must pause, take a breath, look ahead, and from among the confusion, take a step out onto the road less traveled.

At the conclusion of that first poetry competition, I was chosen - knocking knees and all - to recite Frost's poem to the whole school at lunch. And with a voice that likely trembled a bit amidst the stares of foreign peers, I spoke...
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

~ Robert Frost (1915)
Photography by Nancy of Whispers of Peace

~~~~

A Minute In History: 1-1-11 11:11

 Duke University Students ~ Class of 2011


Today, whatever you are doing, wherever you are, grab your camera and snap a picture at 11:11 (your time). Take the picture of whoever or whatever is in front of you, of yourself, your location, your passion, your activity - anything that captures this minute in history. Upload it to the peaceful parenting Facebook page, or email it to us (peacefulparents{at}gmail.com). We'll collect and display the images in a gallery here for a keepsake glance at one minute in history among moms and dads and kids and babies and the lives we are living as we dive into the second decade of the 21st century.

Update: we received so many "First Milk" photos that this album will be a joint venture - a look into the lives of peaceful parenting moms, dads, and their little ones on the first day of this new year - 1-1-11 - and most of them captured at 11:11! :)

 Sunrise on 1-1-11 ~ Photographed by Enith in Florida.

Marie-Pier's photo, taken at Rimouski (Quebec, Canada) at 11:11. "It's our first pankakes of the new year. You can see my 9 months daughter eating by herself her pieces of pankake (with maple sirup). I've always practice babyled feeding with Elizabeth :-) 
No stress, mommy's milk is always the first choice meal!"

Zachary finishing his book at 11:11 in Washington

 Nikki's cozy family taking a nap at 11:11 after a late New Years night in Germany ♥

 Dorothy took this photo at 11:11 in Ohio of the 4 most important people in her life - her kids!

 Jennifer's little one, snoozing and snacking at 11:11

Heather and her little one reading a book at 11:11 in Wyoming

Melissa's (almost) 18 month old daughter in Missouri at 11:11, "Sleeping in our own bed after we spent a week at Grandma's for bio dad visitation and specialist appointments. Ironically wearing her peaceful parenting onesie that reads: 
Breastfeeding, Sling Riding, Sleep Sharing, Cloth Diapered Lucky Baby!"

 Michelle's daughter with her felt pizza at 11:11 in Arizona.
Sarah's little one getting "road boob" in the carseat at 11:11 on 1-1-11.
 
At 11:11 in Wisconsin, Amelia and her daddy had just walked upstairs to show Ingrid the toolbox they built! ♥

Nick's son, wearing his baby, in Virginia at 11:11 practicing to be a peaceful parenting pappa

 Jennifer's 3.5 year old, Jasmine, in California at 11:11 was "running around the house with my partially deflated yoga ball, pretending to have a big baby belly like mommy :) (And although you can see a stroller behind her, we actually baby/toddler wear around here. Stroller use is VERY minimal :P)"

 Nina and her little one enjoyed a quiet relaxing day. 
Nina snapped this photo at 11:11am and says she couldn't have asked for a better morning.

 Kai's 13 month old daughter, Millie-Mae, having her "ba" at 11:11 today in the UK

 Djrianna's son, Tristan, at 11:11 on 1-1-11 in Florida

While Trena was taking down the Christmas tree at 11:11, her husband and girls were watching "Charlie Bite Me" on YouTube. 
 
At 11:11 in Connecticut, Dee was working on the hexes for an afghan that she has vowed to finish before 2011 is over. The photo on the bottom right is what it should look like when complete. 

 Lynn snapped this photo at 11:11 in Pennsylvania as "We were driving to the fabric store...But I'm a goofball :D"

Kat's (almost) 5 month old, Zen, nursing in bed for his "first milkies of the New Year."

Jessica's little one, Rowan, has a first New Years snack in Florida.
 
Ashley's artsy nursing picture of her 7 week old, Cordelia, on 1-1-11 in North Carolina.

 Natasha's little one, Milk Drunk on 1-1-11

Jessie's daughter, who will turn 2 on Jan 8th, nursed in the New Year in Maryland.

 Charlie has a New Years snack today thanks to his mom, Christine in Florida.

 Christa's "29 weeker, who has been home exactly 2 weeks and 1 day after 74 days in the NICU, nursing peacefully at home right after the NewYear."

 Anneka captured this 1-1-11 photo of her one month old, Alex, today in Northern Ireland.

10 month old Hawk has his 1-1-11 snack.

 Lynne's son, Aiden, nursing happily today a week after his first birthday.

Heather's daughter, Julia, has her first meal of 2011 in Ontario.
Melanie's daughter, Fiona (22 months), nursing in the new year while holding baby sister, Alaina (25 weeks inutero). ♥

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